I’d take a punch to the head from Tom Bugg or Ali Fahour any day before ever having depression again. In 47 years of life I’m yet to have experienced anything worse.
In the wake of Tom Boyd taking indefinite leave from the game, the AFL might need to have a good look at the demands on current players.
Perhaps it is only a microcosm of society, though the best-case scenario is that players feel more comfortable divulging the uncomfortable truth.
Either way, Boyd’s tale is becoming all too familiar and it’s an area where the AFL can genuinely help society. Their example is being set by employees like Boyd.
I played football, accompanied by an undiagnosed bipolar disorder until I was thirty. My last game was a premiership victory.
After the final siren I started bawling my eyes out. Almost immediately I realised that I wasn’t blubbering because we’d won, but because I knew that winning had changed nothing.
On a day meant for joy and celebration I only discovered how sad and sick I was. Worse, in that tragic, false-masculine manner I tried to fight it, so remained untreated for a further decade.
Depression is a disease of the soul as much as it is an illness of the brain. It doesn’t discriminate. If you’ve got it, you’ve got it.
No matter what you may think of Garry Lyon and James Hird’s life choices, or Buddy Franklin, Alex Fasolo, Travis Cloke or Tom Boyd as people or footballers, they have all either lived, or are living through a hell you wouldn’t want to live through.
(AAP Image/Julian Smith)
For those that are fighting it, depression can remove the will to live. Suicide statistics present compelling evidence that depression is winning the fight more frequently than it once did.
Anyway, depression is not a ‘fight’, and although a convenient analogy, nor should we describe it as one. Often what is meant by fighting, is suffering in silence.
Football is a fight. Depression is an illness that requires understanding and treatment. You can fight an opponent on your own, but not depression.
Like days past when the actions of Bugg and Fahour might have been celebrated, also gone are the days of advising those who are struggling to ‘toughen up’. That will save lives.
The recent actions of Fasolo, Cloke and now Boyd are commendably instructive – don’t ‘fight’ it, get help.
The thoughtless, dumb gags recently made by some media pundits don’t hurt me, but they might hurt someone who is young and suffering from an irrational, debilitating illness, or a confusion so catastrophic that it has infected every part of their soul with an incredible vulnerability.
Winston Churchill called depression ‘The Black Dog’, which is being rather unkind to black dogs.
I had a white dog, a pit-bull named Dudley. Not only was he handy for my anxiety, but his love kept me from suicide. Dudley died recently and for the first time in my life I experienced an authentic, natural sadness.
The type we are meant to feel. It was a beautiful sadness. Depression is anything but.
Prominent footballers are both lucky and unlucky.
Lucky in that they can get immediate access to the best help, something underprivileged, disadvantaged or poor people can’t.
They are unlucky in that they are ridiculously scrutinised and placed under enormous pressure by anyone with an interest in sport. Why? Simply for playing a game that is meant to be fun, a game which beyond the superficial, doesn’t really matter.
Because of courageous men like Franklin, Fasolo, Cloke and Boyd less people will get to the tortured point I and many others have.
(AAP Image/Julian Smith)
Fewer people will abuse drugs or alcohol as a coping mechanism, fewer will retire from football because of a treatable illness and hopefully fewer again will retire from life itself.
Intentionally or otherwise – through the public acknowledgement of a still misunderstood illness – these footballers will ultimately do something far more beneficial for society than anything they could ever hope to achieve on a footy field.
Why? Because depression is life and death, footy isn’t.
Good on Tom Boyd, and if he hasn’t got one already, he might want to get himself a white dog.
If you or anyone you know needs help, you can call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Beyond Blue on 1300 22 46 36.
Sean Woodland
Roar Pro
Thank you Stewie.
Sean Woodland
Roar Pro
Thanks again Geoff. I quite like beer.
JD
Guest
Wonderful article. Very insightful.
Stewie
Guest
Brilliant article, touches a nerve as someone going through depression myself (but not a bad nerve!) Saw a stat around 2012 which said that one in seven AFL players used counselling/psych services provided by the AFLPA. The life of an AFL footballer is by no means easy. Thanks again
Geoff Schaefer
Guest
Hi again Sean. Your article so impressed me I subsequently then read all your previous articles. You my friend are a very talented and gifted writer. And extremely insightful. A person I suspect I would most enjoy sharing a beer with. I look forward to more of your work.
Sean Woodland
Roar Pro
Thanks Lofty. Yes, it is hard. It took me some time too, over 20 years. Asking for help seems more commonplace now, at least in the AFL which is great. Hopefully that carries through to the rest of society.
Lofty
Guest
Well written Geoff. Thanks for your honesty.
Lofty
Guest
Best thing I have read on The Roar. Thanks for sharing your story and insight into things. Even though there is help available admitting there was a problem was the hardest part for me. The players have at least acknowledged things are not ok. This is a big step forward. Hopefully the media will back off and let these guys deal with it in privacy.
Sean Woodland
Roar Pro
Good on you Geoff. I really appreciate the feedback. It's a tough thing to understand let alone describe.
Geoff Schaefer
Guest
Thanks mate. I don't much like your football team, but I do love the AFL family.
Sean Woodland
Roar Pro
Thanks Nick. Appreciate it.
Sean Woodland
Roar Pro
Good point, Paul. I've certainly been guilty of making comments that in hindsight may have affected people. Whether on stage or in print I do my best to 'punch up' and leave the personal out of it. I don't yell at individuals at the footy. I've found most who do are trying to project their own unhappiness or achieve some sort of satisfaction they couldn't as sportspeople themselves.
Sean Woodland
Roar Pro
Pleasure mate. Any dog's a good dog.
Sean Woodland
Roar Pro
Best to speak to a doctor BigAl, but what worked for me was ultimately therapy with a psychiatrist for two years and medication (which I still take now). Treatment will always depend on the individuals biology and history. Also, a bit like getting anything else fixed, it's important to see a professional that you trust.
Pumping Dougie
Roar Guru
Well described Geoff.
Slane
Guest
I think you hit the nail on the head with your last 'throw-away' line in your reply, Sean. My partner has a very similar diagnosis to yourself and to me the dark times always seems to stem from unreasonable expectations that she places on herself. She is her own worse critic and I suspect this is part of what makes depression such a dangerous illness. The people who suffer from depression stop loving themselves like they should. Every day becomes a battle against the one person who should love you unconditionally: You.
Geoff Schaefer
Guest
Sean, this is one of the best articles I have read on depression. And as a sufferer, I've read a lot. The thing I battle with mostly is trying to put it into words to a 'normal' person, because the feeling is just the opposite of normal and logic doesn't apply. I had a perfectly normal existence for 60 years until a couple of life changing incidents led me to a place I didn't, and still don't understand. I get why people perceive it as a weakness in character. I did myself. It is almost impossible for people to understand what it is like to wake up in the morning and just despair at the fact that they have to go through a whole day before they get the bliss of sleep and temporary relief again. Thank you again for adding to the conversation.
Nick Kelland
Roar Guru
Incredibly insightful, deeply considered and extremely genuine. Thank you for sharing your story Sean - I think it touches on a lot of very key points present in our modern game. Not just AFL, but every sport from grassroots to professional level. Look forward to reading more from you :)
paul cotton
Guest
What a magnificent touching articulate sensitive amazing article I am on a few demon Facebook sites which are positive and negative as I guess mot football sites are. Its a passionate game and supporters are part of that passion. It has always concerned me how some players are viewed and rubbished be they their own players or opposition players I always try to think of how would I feel if it was one of my sons Just a little side story. I was at the mcg earlier this year going to sit behind a lot of Demon supporters. A couple of ladies stopped in front of me and decided to sit somewhere else. I started chatting with them and one lady said her friend was big Maxy gawns mum and they were moving because they wanted to sit where they wouldn't here any comments about him Now not withstanding he is a much loved character at the dees it gave me a further insight of how much peripheral stuff happens in footy again- congratulations on the best article I have read on this terrific site
Broadly Speaking
Guest
Thank you for having the courage to share your great yarn and I hope we can keep looking up and see the bright side of life. My miniature dachshunds have been great companions. You can always find a black one if you like, however they will never fail to put a smile on other people's faces as well as your own. I also understand what it is like to have injuries and medical problems during a bush footy career that haunt my quality of life later on with painkillers, other medications and ongoing treatment and seeing these things affect my family as well. Some young sportspeople have not been able to cope with these realities and many others cannot cope with them after retirement, so having yarns like this can help us to help others seek help or if we really need help. It can be confusing but if we think about it and then - more importantly - act, then someone somewhere may benefit. Thanks again mate....