Dib demotes Des to NSW Origin job

Following a poor run of seasons, Des Hasler has been dumped from the Bulldogs to start coaching New South Wales.

The gut-wrenching call was made by Bulldogs chairman Ray Dib and his board, with the decision finally agreed after lengthy talks that stretched to almost six minutes.

According to sources, the board was forced to demote Hasler after players began resembling footballers when ignoring his instructions.

The move finally completes the Bulldogs long-term Hasler Cleansing Diet™, an initiative which purged anything of value to the coach including Noel Cleal, James Graham, Josh Reynolds, stability and a hairdryer.

The coach will now be sent to recapture form in the lower grades with New South Wales, with the role arranged by Dib using his totally conflict-free positions on the boards of the Bulldogs and Blues.

This degradation will take place once Dib finalises some finer details, which include manipulating the Blues board and convincing everyone that a non-binding heads of agreement isn’t something he made up.

On the question of compensation for Hasler, Dib addressed concerns of a potentially massive contract payout with “what contract?”

But despite the fatal setback for Hasler, the Bulldogs chairman insists his career isn’t over.

In a vote of confidence, Dib declared Hasler will be given the time needed to recapture winning form, even predicting a return sometime before the next volcano eruption in the Antarctic.

He promised he would publicly maintain his exile as temporary, thus avoiding the requirement to apologise to Steve Mortimer.

Dib then confirmed the coaching maestro is welcome back anytime, provided its somewhere else.

The public have been sceptical on the chairman’s assurances, with some experts believing Hasler’s immediate termination could throw doubt over his future at the Bulldogs.

(AAP Image/Paul Miller)

Additionally, multiple questions remain over how the two-time premiership winner will handle the purgatory of the New South Wales job.

While acknowledging his wonderful credentials, doubts circle over his ability to regain top form while coaching a park footy side in soulless backwaters like Brisbane.

Adding to the intrigue, the future of Aaron Woods and Kieran Foran is now also uncertain.

Both signed with the Bulldogs on the promise of a stable environment, but will now be praying their new employer is riddled with insurmountable salary cap issues.

As for a replacement at the Bulldogs, Dib remained publicly tight-lipped before leaking an extensive list of candidates.

One name mentioned was Trent Barrett, with the chairman enamoured by the prospect of a chiselled Hugo Boss visage after years of looking at a “puffy David Spade.”

When Dib was pressed on whether Hasler’s sacking had anything to do with his chances at the upcoming board elections, he emphatically denied the claims by declaring “Vote 1 Dib.”

While the club has parted ways with Hasler, Dib is contemplating offering him another contract extension.