All my wisdom teeth are out. Warm blood oozed and my cheeks exploded, and mood swings are to be expected following the operation.
It is now day five and I am sick of drinking yoghurts, conservatives in power and refreshing the AFL website every 90 seconds.
I have also come to the conclusion that trade week(s) is the equivalent of oral surgery. But instead of being unconscious and the procedure finishing in 20 minutes I’m awake and it is agonisingly slow.
And – in this analogy – it is a shoddy extraction. Trade period lacks the efficiency and expertise of the hospital staff. There is a scarcity of soothing, calm and genuinely kind words (see Jake Lever). For non-destination clubs there isn’t vanilla ice cream and jelly at the end of the bureaucratic ordeal, only list-swelling.
I saw the something coloured eyes of the person snatching away my impacted chompers and I felt certain of the consistency between what I was told and what was about to happen.
I watch the shifty suit-people on TV and I all I hear is, “Yes but no. It sounds good but we’ll reconsider and recalibrate, and X wants to go home and have greater opportunities to be with more money”. Also, private healthcare is Gary Ablett.
But I don’t want this analogy to be (barely, by a thread) applicable. I want it to resemble the effects of the painkillers I’ve been prescribed.
I want to be dizzy and nauseous and deliriously high with the immediate knowledge that GWS depth player number 12 will be 120 per cent faster and stronger and hungrier wearing that great navy blue jumper.
I don’t want this fortnight. A whole fortnight. Of a million cuts and 1000 tiny punches to the jaw and that feeling of hope – that tomorrow will be better than today – painfully dashed (see Adam Saad choosing Essendon over Carlton).
I want it all to happen as quickly and joyfully as possible.
My proposal is simple. As it stands we have a system where list manager A puts on a serious expression and presents every muscle. They wax lyrical on what is typically their 32nd best player in an attempt to boost their value from pick 46 to pick 38 plus something resembling player 36.
List manager B ums and ahs and refers to their policy, philosophy and phraseology before realising it’s day 13 and they have wasted everyone’s time.
We’re all time-poor. So let’s make trade period a sharp 45 minutes – enough time for carnage and sweaty bacchanalia and the sweet smell of Matt Kennedy in the morning, but not too much time that I spend most of my days following this ongoing process of drawn-out nothingness.
It will be scary at first but – if I have learnt anything – it’s prolonging the procedure hurts more in the long run.
Aron
Roar Pro
My argument would be - while they (players and other team staff perhaps to a lesser extent at the moment, but administrators, list managers, AFL.com.au writers et al) are drawing a wage from the AFL, which is in the business of entertaining spectators, they are constantly fulfilling a duty to contribute to our entertainment. If the trade period is not entertaining, then the AFL is - abstractly, and with everyone holding a different degree of responsibility - failing in their role.
Aron
Roar Pro
I'm becoming more persuaded by your argument (I'm not familiar with the ongoings of MLB, so I don't know if mid season trade period functions happily) Do you think players would be able to coexist during the season (or, would they be less able to coexist) if they knew - with some degree of certainty - that their teammate could be their opposition next week? Would there be more hesitation in discussing strategy, positioning (etc etc) with the knowledge that this would become enemy info? [Also - I'd really love that bracketed sentence in the article to come out. No idea how to contact the editors besides email and the contact form]
Don Freo
Guest
Not so...their season to entertain is in recess. The entertainment begins again in Autumn.
Aron
Roar Pro
The whole premise of this and their profession is to entertain. The whole thing falls under itself if they fail to do so
Don Freo
Guest
It is such a strange sentiment to want to change business discussions about players careers into some kind of T20 entertainment for the public. It's a really interesting time for me but I would never expect it to be entertaining. I can't imagine Nick Suban or Jake Stringer or Daniel Menzel want the future security of their families (Yes Jake, you do have one!) decided by some kind of speed dating trade just because the public and the media has become bored. The clubs, agents and players need time to talk to all stakeholders. If it could be done in 2 days, they'd try. If you want excitement during this period follow the Marsh boys and their Warriors.
Cat
Roar Guru
Only reason it is destabilising now is its crammed into a short period. Players unsure where they will be playing know they have only a few days or their careers may be over. I grew up on MLB so I am used to and love in season trading. You have an unexpected injury and a rash of injuries to one position your team has the option of trying to wheel and deal and fill those holes instead of giving up on a season. Players without jobs on opening day may still end up with a job before the season ends. Players on teams going no where can suddenly find themselves traded to a contender. Players can go to another team for a few months and see what life is like at another club; therefore, they can make more informed choices when the off-season roles around. I see nothing but positives for everyone. The contenders get to get stringer (which makes finals even better) and bottom clubs get to speed up their rebuilds with extra picks so no more stupid 5 year plans.
Aron
Roar Pro
I'm all for a mid season draft of state league players to fill in gaps and bolster depth and so on. And I love the unmitigated chaos that a trade period which enters the regular season would bring, but the heightened speculation and uncertainty can only destabilise everyone & everything involved. Would be fun though.
Cat
Roar Guru
Makes as much sense to me as the 37 different (only a slight exaggeration) list lodgement dates.
Daz
Roar Pro
That's not a bad idea. Why is it that players can only be traded, and players and clubs can only talk, during this 10 day period. Why not leave it open.
Mattician6x6
Guest
A mid season draft/trade period has merits cat imo.
Cat
Roar Guru
Personally I think the trade period should start one week after the grand final and run until the Monday following round 14. Let teams that have fallen out of any chance of making finals offload valuable players for picks which will speed their rebuilds. Let contenders bring in players to fill holes or cover injuries.
Aron
Roar Pro
Thanks for the kind words. I absolutely subscribe to your argument. I think it has taken away a bit of the theatre and - as a fan - when the action happens next Friday, I'm a bit fatigued by the whole ordeal. But, in this period of football nothingness, extending the chatter for as long as possible can only be advantageous to the industry.
dontknowmuchaboutfootball
Guest
I'm positive that a shorter, more efficient trade process could be set up. But trade period hasn't been set up for the purpose of bargaining and finalising trades. It's primary function is fill up space on the calendar outside of the H&A and finals seasons and the preseason comp (and now AFLW) thereby keeping AFL in the media spotlight. It's a marketing and promotions thing, not a football operations thing. Refreshing the AFL website every 90 seconds is precisely the point of the FA/trade period. An enjoyable read, in any case.
Mattician6x6
Guest
I am in agreement mate as I am certain a majority of leg work(legalities, contracts etc) have been done well in advance with multiple scenario's applied so every outcome is known prior to trade period. For a period that seems to be just ratifying what's already common knowledge surely a more streamlined professional trade period could be the future.
Aron
Roar Pro
Editor(s): can you change the one sentence to (see Adam Saad choosing Essendon over Carlton) Thanks!