Sledging is stupid. And weak

Australia’s cricketers and apparently England’s cricketers – and when Australia plays India, South Africa, New Zealand, all of them, their cricketers, too – appear cool for their on-field ‘banter’ and sledging and yapping to one another to remain out there on the field.

The old edict of whatever happens there stays there is in play unless, of course, someone wants something heard on the stump microphone which would put ‘pressure’ on one’s opponent in the form of a public grilling by the unpopular press.

It’s sort of like using the media as an avenue to mentally disintegrate one’s opponent, as the outing of Jonny Bairstow’s funny little headbutt thingy in the pub was. It is a thing. It’s understood.

Is it bad? I dunno. I played fourth grade for Woden Valley, bowled first change, batted 11. I got the fielding award for fielding fine-leg and third man.

So there was that.

But sledging? No expert. I didn’t like it that much. I didn’t like the sort of nastiness of it. Because most of it was weak. All the fielders out there, being ‘tough’, ganging up on one batter without the consequence of anything physical really happening in return.

In that way, footy was more honest. If you said something mean to a big fat pig in the front row – even from way out on the wing – you could expect almost immediate retribution in the form of two sets of six-inch studs raking down your back.

I was once rucked by a prop forward in my own team. Wayne Hickey didn’t care who you were, if you were bottom the ruck between him and ball – or even just lying there, looking pretty – you were getting a shoe-ing. And the plump white meat of my inner thigh still quivers at the thought.

But in cricket? Please. Being sledged by some dickhead on the field didn’t affect me at all.

It was all sort of cartoonish, amateur, dumb.

And as I said, it wasn’t like they were actually going to hurt you. It was piss-ant.

(AAP Image/Dave Hunt)

But then it was only fourth grade, and the sledgers, even the grizzled old boys, weren’t that expert at it. Queanbeyan boys were the worst/best for it. They had blokes would call you rabbit this, ferret that while you were waiting padded up.

It was funny, if anything. Dropkicks acting tough, thinking they’re Ian Chappell.

Test cricket isn’t far removed. Mitchell Starc probably can break your freakin’ arm, of course. But, really, being yapped at by someone from third slip… how could it affect how you bat?

Few years ago I asked Mitchell Starc about the ‘aggressive’ nature of Australia’s cricket and talked about him flinging the ball at Ben Stokes and a Kiwi tail-ender whose name you could Google if you were of a mind, and I mused to Mitchell that it must be hard to remain ‘aggressive’ while thinking of the children, and so on.

And Mitchell Starc said: “It’s always something that’s in your mind. At the same time, we’re trying to win games for Australia. That’s first and foremost for us. Obviously we’re always in the limelight and have to be conscious of what people might think.

“But we are just trying to win the game for our country. We’re always going to play aggressive cricket. That’s how we play our best cricket.

“But it’s important we don’t overstep that line. We have in the past and I’m sure we will in the future. And we’ll hear about it.”

(AP Photo/Rick Rycroft)

And then I said: “But where is this ‘line’? What is it? You’d only know when you’ve over-stepped when someone tells you that you have, no?”

And Mitchell Starc said: “Yeah, a lot of the time the officials decide where the line is.

There’s been times in the past when a bit of friendly banter’s been perceived as something different. Other times things have been let go.

“But as the Australian team we have to know how the public view things and how we view things ourselves, too.”

And, as there often is in our summer of cricket, there’s something of a hullabaloo about the whole sledging thing and the captains are yapping away at each other on the field, and it’s a thing, again.

Matt Prior alluded to something offensive or personal or something someone said to an England player or players, and hasn’t said what it was or who said it and did it from the other side of the planet.

But it had the effect of riling up said unpopular press types, a bit like yapping into the stump microphone.

Steve Smith responded by saying of the current malarkey that the Aussies – and it would appear England, New Zealand, and so on – will just do their thing and play their cricket and yap at one another, being ‘tough’, until the match referee deems they’ve over-stepped that ephemeral grey line.

(AP Photo/Eranga Jayawardena)

“I think the umpires and match referees are there to determine that,” said Smith when asked if “hand on heart” he was comfortable with what his players had said to England’s players in Brisbane.

Joe Root, meanwhile, said: “It’s Ashes cricket.”

And there could be no argument.

Added Root: “I don’t think it ever went too far, I think both sides are desperate to win and desperate to do their country proud. And that was just expressed, I think, out on the field.”

A few other things, too. Stupid ones. And weak.