Matt Cleary
Expert
Joined April 2016
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Published
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Mundine-Horn is dangerous and grotesque, and a few other things
I will not watch Jeff Horn and Anthony Mundine fight one another for a long list of reasons, many of which could be cut-n-pasted from a piece I wrote two years ago when I vowed not to watch Mundine fight Danny Green in Adelaide.
Billy Slater was not suspended for an illegal tackle. Who is he, Makybe Diva?
I’m sorry. I know it’s a great result for the grand final and for Billy Slater and for Melbourne Storm, and the greater vibe and the mojo and all that.
Scandal sells - until it doesn't
The Sam Burgess thing? Please. What is doing? Why do we care? Do we care? Who cares? Who is it that cares? Pop quiz: hands up if you care.
John Sutton: Peak Bunny
If Sam Burgess didn’t drop the ball four times against Melbourne Storm in that ball-tearer of a final at AAMI Park last Friday night, then South Sydney would’ve won.
First sits two points ahead of eighth. You pick a winner
So – then there were eight, eh? The magnificent eight. The top eight. The quite good eight. The eight.
The NRL is the world's most even competition. This is good, right?
The National Rugby League is the most even competition in the world. And that’s not anecdotal. It’s fact. Mathematics prove it.
Andrew Fifita: Superstar, Enigma, Nong
Andrew Fifita should not be. He’s an anomaly; a giant, a roly-poly lump with a top half that’s tattooed, hefty and thick – a true Son of Tonga – and the skinny legs of his indigenous half.
You can't ban Muslims - who would bat three?
Fraser Anning wants a ban on Muslim immigration to Australia and a return to the White Australia Policy. And I wish a virulent pox upon him.
Breaking Bad: League contracts are signed in invisible ink
Being surprised and even upset that Ivan Cleary’s been approached to coach Penrith Panthers though he has two years to run on his contract with Wests Tigers is like being part of a community of swingers and upset that your partner is now attracted to someone with whom they’ve just rocked the Casbah.
Big Mal, Bowie and Tooheys Bombs: The greatest games ever seen
So I’m sitting here watching 27 replays of Korbin Sims’ elbow maybe grazing the grass before he grounded the football to score a hat-trick before half-time against the Dogs, and I’m ever convinced the double-movement law is an ass.
Origin's great shift: How New South Wales ended Queensland's dynasty to start an empire of their own
What just happened?
Origin's great shift: How New South Wales ended Queensland's dynasty to start an empire of their own
"Hi Matt, it's Greg Norman"
Just as when you’re a Jet you’re a Jet all the way, from your first cigarette to your last dyin’ day, when you identify as a Shark Man – a Great White Shark Greg Norman Man – you’re a Shark Man for good.
How to fix refereeing? Ask a referee
We still talking about referees? We are? This baby has more legs than a Mongolian army.
The Bunnies' pigs have made them top dogs
For all the fancy-pants pin-heads who win the awards, the scurrying little critters in the halves, at fullback and hooker, it’s madmen and meat-axes who win premierships.
Context is all in the King Wally gong
Norm Provan wasn’t happy. And not because I’d woken him out of bed while he was on holiday in Greece. No. Rather, it was because an element of the modern game of rugby league displeased him.
Forty years of footy favourites
First it was “The Rocket”, Rod Reddy, storming around Kogarah-Jubilee and the SCG in his great big high-ankled boots, belting blokes and being bad.
Just how wrong can a pre-season ladder prediction be?
And so with ten rounds to play in this super-fine season of National Rugby League, it behoves a man who can’t think of a column on a Thursday arvo to rake over the embers of one’s pre-season predictions for who would occupy the top and bottom halves of the competition.
The Immortals: A concept drenched in wine
The Immortals began in 1981 as a vehicle to sell red wine.
Only surprise about the Watmough thing is Watmough told the world
The Watmough thing? Only surprising thing about the Watmough thing is that it’s been aired. Most if not all of these things remain firmly in-house. Or in-pub, anyway.
Ha. Blind hope! The best kind.
Go the V. Here is hopin.
But I’m afraid, my man, the Hot Broncs are gonna towel you up in Vegas.
First sits two points ahead of eighth. You pick a winner
Ha. Broncos premiership wouldn’t be a nightmare for me. Nor would Storm, not really. My team’s out the back door on Mad Monday the Daily Tele couldn’t even be bothered sending peeping toms to.
First sits two points ahead of eighth. You pick a winner
I’ll be here, Rook. And I’ll stand by “Saints are rubbish” until they aren’t. Hope they come good. Can’t see it.
Can you? Is there cause of optimism among the Red V people?
First sits two points ahead of eighth. You pick a winner
Yeah, you could make a case for the Dragons, but not a good one, for mine. Be laughed out of court. But then stranger things have happened. The Cows made the grand final last year without Thurston. Donald Trump’s president. People watch old mate the Beaver whatever his name is, Honey Badger, on a reality dating show. Kooky times.
First sits two points ahead of eighth. You pick a winner
True. Yet Griffin didn’t want it broken, presumably. Gus has exercised the option to break it, punt him and pay him out. And then the Tigers coach as a replacement, that the Tigers believe lacks integrity, presumably at least until they gain satisfaction, which could only come in the form of cash from Panthers world of pokies, and/or a better coach than Ivan. As Marina said: it’s business. I think bandying about Loyalty and Integrity in matters of business… they’re not words generally connected with business.
Breaking Bad: League contracts are signed in invisible ink
Don’t quite take your point, Paul. Journos can’t write Fiction, they’d be out of a job. You can write Opinion though, and it’s never wrong.
FWIW I’m a freelance, sole trader. Like a sub-contractor though I sign no contract and have no employer as such, just a series of Publishers I knock out stuff for. Bit like footy players, indeed we share a union (with Actors), though they sign contracts that don’t appear worth much if both parties agree they want out of em. Which was my point.
I’m not quite across yours.
Breaking Bad: League contracts are signed in invisible ink
Thanks. I think.
Origin's great shift: How New South Wales ended Queensland's dynasty to start an empire of their own
Agreed. But you did read this bit “Yet this is not to say we’re looking at a decade of Blue Time. This is not to suggest we’re at the start of a Cleary dynasty”.
And this bit, which I quite liked because I could include Jake the Mus in Star Wars:
“he Maroons can win series in the next few years on the back of their generation next. Fact. Queensland is like a veritable breeding ground for league people. Seen that bit in one of the dud Star Wars prequels, where there’s all the stormtroopers cloned from Jake the Muss? That’s every town in Queensland from Cooktown to Coolangatta.”
Origin's great shift: How New South Wales ended Queensland's dynasty to start an empire of their own
Thanks Graham. My bad. Looks like the Sub-editors fixed that.
Cody Walker … is going gangbusters for the Bunnies on the left with Johnny Sutton, and R.Jennings is leading try-scorer because of it. And … I think he needs another season of shit-hot footy, as Keary’s had, before he’s in the conversation. Could be just me. Maybe a premiership and a hot start to 2019, and Freddy comes a-callin… I think not ATM, just cos incumbents.
Origin's great shift: How New South Wales ended Queensland's dynasty to start an empire of their own
Y’know I reckon the interchange down to six is going to mean there’s less like Shannon and more like Angus Crichton who’s name I didn’t bother to spell check, and now feel bad. There’ll still be a place for the Giant Orc … but three of them you’d think would be a luxury late in the game that the little zippy ones could exploit.
The Bunnies' pigs have made them top dogs
Mick Hancock. Bit like Chicka Ferguson. They’d beat 8 blokes, 3 of them twice.
Forty years of footy favourites
Bang on, Griggso. Indeed if you type Matt Bowen magic into Google you’ll find YouTube full of fun. Loved him.
I’m gonna dig up the story I did on him from 08. Still one of my faves.
Forty years of footy favourites
Ha. Very ordinary picks. Though in my defence … no, there is no defence. Ha.
What I sort of tried to do was guess who’d be a slider, if you like … went with Dragons and Souths, when Cows and Eels and Manly would’ve been better.
But I wasn’t going with them. Early March, they were all good.
Just how wrong can a pre-season ladder prediction be?
Ha. Very ordinary picks. Though in my defence … no, there is no defence. Ha.
What I sort of tried to do was guess who’d be a slider, if you like … went with Dragons and Souths, when Cows and Eels and Manly would’ve been better.
But I wasn’t going with them. Early March, they were all good.
Just how wrong can a pre-season ladder prediction be?
Manly, Parra and Cows are the three weird ones. Especially Cows. How can they have such prime cattle, and be so ordinary? Two JTs alone should be carving up the comp, much less Morgan, Coote, Hess, McLean, Scott, Bolton, Cooper and the rest of their very good ones such as Justin O’Neil and Kane Linnett and Jake Granville. Something crook in Tallarook, surely.
Just how wrong can a pre-season ladder prediction be?
Yeah I take your point, a bit, but I don’t reckon the perceived quality of your fellow players and/or the competition at the time should come into it. You can only be the best of the best there is, at that time … Thus when Brian Bevan was running around, the England comp. was as strong as Sydney, maybe stronger, and their international team won as many as we did. A numbers / historian could debate this better. That’s just what I reckon – if you’re the best of your era, that’s all you can be.
The Immortals: A concept drenched in wine
My but I hate getting things wrong. Thanks mate.
I’ll see about fixing that.
The Immortals: A concept drenched in wine
Yeah there’s the rub, for mine. As per the original “contest” between marker and ball-player. They brushed the contest that was originally between two sets of feet in a “ruck”, so why the need to play it with one’s feet? Tradition?
Rugby league is not a rubbish game, it doesn't know what it is
Can’t argue.
Why, though, does the attacker have to play the ball with his feet?
Rugby league is not a rubbish game, it doesn't know what it is
Top stuff, Clyde.
Write more stuff.
Israel Folau's confusion proves good intentions are no match for bad ideas
Come from Canberra, see how you go.
Mate! It’s as funny as footy satire gets.
Truly. It’s funny. It’s meant to be funny. It is funny. The line “Frankly, if administrators wanted to stage a match in a freezing remote location with minimal interest in the game, they should’ve scheduled a Test match in Melbourne, or in my soul.” – that’s funny!
There’s heaps like that. They’re all like that. There isn’t a sentence that’s meant to be taken seriously. It’s a light knock on Melbourne, at best, which is funny because it’ll silly and slightly true. Ha.
Chill / pill, etc. Bro.
An NRL club CEO reacts to news of a Test match in Denver
I don’t write about AFL, at all.
It’s not across my radar.
The RBB was this week. And … that’s why I wrote a story about them.
I also don’t call it soccer, unless I have to. Y’know, in case there’s confusion what football.
Red and Black Blockheads
Ha. By interesting I believe you mean completely wrong, Paul, but thanks. And yeah Sutto’s a good fella. They love him down Maroubra. Reckon junior coach would be good role for him.
John Sutton: Peak Bunny