Manly for the spoon and other predictions for NRL 2018

Manly will finish the season as wooden spooners.

We narrowed it down to three contenders, being the Northern Beaches mob, Gold Coast and the Wests Tigers, and figured the depth at the Sea Eagles is so thin, injuries to three or more first-grade regulars would see them struggle.

Releasing Blake Green to go all-in for Mitchell Pearce will be a killer blow to Trent Barrett’s coaching career. Desperate times call for desperate measures and when the club signs a youngster sacked from two clubs in the off-season, you know they are struggling for cattle.

We also predict the axe will swing down on Stephen Kearney after the Warriors creep into the eight just after Origin and go on ‘leave’ from Rounds 20 through 26, as the players’ minds focus on their end of season trip to Phuket.

These sackings will see Des Hasler return to Brookvale and Michael Maguire take on league’s Mt Everest, trying to turn the Kiwi outfit into a consistent side. They are consistent in the sense they usually drop their last half a dozen games per year and enter the following season’s opener on a long losing streak.

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NSW will lose Origin 3-0 with Brad Fittler learning the hard way that attacking the Maroons is like poking a starving polar bear. Debuts for Paul Vaughan, Nathan Cleary and Nick Cotric will be the shining lights of another typically disappointing campaign.

Todd Greenberg will resign after crowd numbers continue to dwindle, and the constant bashing of the bunker and referees in general takes full toll. Either Shane Richardson or Brian Canavan will step in as interim boss, as the NRL announces it will search the globe for a full-time replacement. Sepp Blatter, Andrew Demetriou, James Sutherland, Harry Redknapp and Mario Fenech will be linked to the role, before a little-known American gets the gig and announces grand plans at his opening press conference to turn the game into NFL conferences – which goes down like a night on the tiles with Josh Dugan.

Tony Archer will resign and get a gig writing speeches for the PM, soon to be invited to the Oval Office after impressing President Donald Trump with his support and refusal to ever be wrong in his previous gig as referees boss.

Paul Vautin shall return to TV in a web-cast Footy Show with co-hosts Terry Hill and Mahatma Coat in a desperate bid to get the attention of his old bosses at Nine. After an appalling interview between Mahatma and former NRL referee Mogsheen Jadwat goes viral, the sponsors of the show pull the pin, which also puts an end to Vautin’s dreams of a triumphant return to the big time.

The Roosters and Cowboys should play in one of the NRL’s greatest ever grand finals, with North Queensland getting home on the back of a mongrel of a field goal from the last kick of the game. Johnathan Thurston will win the Clive Churchill, although the media and general public will feel five other players probably deserved it, including Kane Linnett.

In shock news on grand final eve, Ricky Stuart will step down as Raiders coach to coach the NSW Waratahs, much to the displeasure of Alan Jones, who went from rugby to league with zero success.

Let us know your fearless predictions for season 2018.