Australian cricket, well cricket in general come to think of it, has rightly been rocked by the ball tampering scandal.
On the evidence I’ve seen, it only points to one conclusion.
C – is for Cameras
Every Test match is on TV.
The Caribbean, Asia, Africa, England, Australasia and, in the not too distant future, Ireland.
If a Test match is being played it is being televised.
And to televise an international cricketing contest to the high standard expected in 2018 you require cameras. And the respective companies provide, with every conceivable angle covered, a lot of cameras.
H – is for Headbutting
Not the headbutting of Jonny Bairstow fame but that of the line, Cue Nathan Lyon of pre-series vintage: ‘We know where the line is. We headbutt it, but we don’t go over it.’
Well this wasn’t merely a headbutting of the line, a pushing of the boundaries without actually breaking the fence.
This was the headbutt, a few hefty kicks and a parting foul-mouthed tirade in its general direction. Up yours line.
(Photo by Ashley Vlotman/Gallo Images/Getty Images)
E – is for Enterprise
How to carry out the plan? Covertly or overtly? With panache or in a rudimentary fashion? Individual or collective? Decisions, decisions.
And then you need the necessary equipment. How to get it, how to use it, how to hide it. Decisions, decisions.
A – is for Abrasion
Reverse swing isn’t an exact science but there are a few common denominators for it to occur and one of those is an abrasive surface.
Get one side of the ball properly scuffed up and keep the other one in a decent condition and, if your bowlers know what they’re doing, there’s a good chance the ball might reverse.
What every cricketer worth his salt knows – and even those worth not even this know – is that you can’t use anything ‘foreign’ to alter the condition of the ball.
It isn’t that tricky to understand, it really isn’t.
T – is for Timing
This has been a bad-tempered series. The talk beforehand hinted at as much and the protagonists have done their level best to live up to the hype.
Warner vs de Kock, Rabada vs Smith, the Newlands crowd vs Warner, Everyone vs Everyone. When more column inches are dedicated to who said what to who rather then who scored how many or took how many, something is amiss.
Yet it was almost impossible to miss the irony in the timing. Hours after a complaint had been submitted regarding the abuse dished out by sections of the Cape Town audience towards the tourists, a proverbial shotgun was aimed squarely at both feet.
By all means sit on your moral high chair, just don’t do it while drunk.
(AP Photo/Halden Krog)
I – is for Idiocy
The individual for carrying it out.
The ‘leadership group’ – a contradiction in terms in this case, surely – for even thinking it up.
The captain for believing it was, in any sense at all, a good idea.
The attempt to try and cover it up when blatantly caught with hands in the till.
Take your pick because each is as idiotic as the other.
N – is for News
When numerous front pages, editorials and lead TV news stories are focussed on a sporting story it is clear the impact is far-reaching.
Scandal follows the adage of there being no news like bad news and the all-encompassing nature of social media has only served to exaggerate the effect.
The identity of those involved and the sheer audacity and pre-meditated nature of the act has heightened the sense of shock and seen to that.
Make no mistake, this is a big deal and it isn’t going away anytime soon,
G – is for Guilty
Steve Smith was (is) in charge and, as such, was always going to have to have his say.
Of course it was contrite, of course it was sheepish and he can hardly be blamed for veering towards self-preservation but if it felt, unwittingly no doubt, like the final mutterings of a condemned man, nobody should be surprised.
“It’s not what we want to see in the game…” – no it isn’t.
“… it’s not what the Australian cricket team is about” – that may be the case but good luck convincing people otherwise now.
“Being the leader of the team I’m incredibly sorry for trying to bring the game into disrepute…” – Trying? You did better than that.
“I’m not proud of what’s happened” – so you shouldn’t be.
“It’s not within the spirit of the game” – as sharp as a tack.
“I won’t be considering stepping down…. I still think I’m the right person for the job” – no, I’m afraid you’re not.
Alec Swann
Expert
maccaa62 'Sad, sad, and embarrassing'. Exactly.
maccaa62
Roar Rookie
Anyone who minimises the tragedy of this whole thing misses the real point. Australia reverted to cheating. A team that used to swagger with supremacy and bounce out opponents, body line bowling, aim for the head, hand or heart attitude. Win because we are tougher and will find a way because we have champions in our team. Revert to cheating. Well it’s just not cricket. It’s just not Australian cricket. Sad, sad, and embarrassing. Remove the cancerous growth and get back to the good old days of a Steve Waugh 100 under pressure Dean Jones coming down the pitch to Curtly Ambrose and hitting him straight down the ground, Alan Border grafting away when all seemed lost, Merv Hughes trying to knock someones Helmut off. But cheating?
OJP
Guest
well played JimmyB
Alec Swann
Expert
Diplomatt I sometimes think the on-field antics get overplayed a bit - the sledging especially tends to get glorified - but there has been too much of it and this particular series looks to have been played in a fairly toxic atmosphere. People don't want to see it and the sooner it's sorted the better all round. As for your lad, not many people want to mimic off spinners! Good that he didn't try that dance though, it was terrible.
Alec Swann
Expert
jamesswm Yes it does carry that acronym. That was the whole point really and it fitted in with the length of article I wanted to write. And I don't think there's any other way to describe what went on. Each to their own and all that.
Alec Swann
Expert
Larry1950 I'm with you on Warner and it looks like he's going to get plenty of the blame. You've lost me with the Bodyline comparison. As you go on to mention, it was within the laws at the time so perfectly legitimate. Not really a comparison at all. And I'm well aware of what goes on on a cricket field re the sweets etc. Get caught, accept that you've got it coming is the gist of it.
RogerTA
Roar Rookie
Hehehe - said Jimmy.
RogerTA
Roar Rookie
When all is said and done I do hope CA uses this incident as an opportunity to start again. Ugly Aussie isn't something I enjoy hearing any of our teams/ team members being called.
JimmyB
Guest
Didn't realise you were so 'right on' tbf. Gilly could do it I'm sure, in between spruiking XXXX and the big bash. Why not a moral maze miner whilst we're at it? Cardinal Pell perhaps? Too soon?
jameswm
Guest
Maybe you're judging me by pre-conceived ideas then. McCullum has personally done it, and recently. Gilly does spring to mind as an Aussie.
DaveJ
Guest
You have a point Chris - but when they talk about crossing the line they’re not talking about cheating, are they? They mean some imaginary line regarding personal issues, family, racism, etc. Hard to believe they didn’t cross that line in Durban. But you’re right there has been hypocrisy in a retrospective sense as Warner accused SA of ‘altering the condition’ in 2014 and got fined. I suspect they now justify their own efforts in terms of - if you can’t beat em join em. It’s not an excuse, but I wonder if we will here more about SA doing odd things to the ball too.
JimmyB
Guest
I hate to be a pedant on the matter but sadly it was 58 actually. ?
Chris Kettlewell
Roar Guru
Which I think is part of the reason why Lehmann really has to go. He's basically the head bogan in the team and seems to just encourage the bogan culture.
Chris Kettlewell
Roar Guru
Of course they are, they are happy that there's something to distract from England getting bowled out for 59!
Chris Kettlewell
Roar Guru
There's definitely been some massive overreaction over this. But also, it's really shown to highlight just a very rotten culture in the team that needs an overhaul. Lehmann has to go, and Smith and Warner really need to be nowhere near the leadership of the team.
Chris Kettlewell
Roar Guru
Although, it's exactly what Faf Du Plessis got sanctioned for in 2016, so clearly using mints like that is considered ball tampering. The difference is that in that case it came out way later. Unfortunately, it probably goes on a lot more than we'd like to admit, and in definite planned, premeditated ways too. The big thing I think with the Aussies here is the complete hypocrisy involved. They always point fingers at everyone else, consistently deflect from their own behaviour as "playing hard but fair and never crossing the line". Looking at anyone else caught doing any sort of ball tampering and going into interviews saying how it's really bad and we'd never do anything like that. And it's not like that was all ages ago, they've been behaving like that right through this series, including the day before this came out Lehmann having such a go because of the member of the crowd sledging Warner as he left the field suggesting that it's in some way so much worse than anything that would ever happen in Australia etc... They like to try and pretend they somehow have the moral high ground in things like this. And because of that the fall is so much greater. That and the fact that in Australia we are very intolerant of cheating by our sports stars. We want them to win, but in reality, most Aussies would prefer them to lose with dignity than win dirty. Slamming the way this team behaves has become standard fair in recent years, so now having a clear, genuine "line cross" to smash them with has well and truly lead to lots of smashing.
Chris Kettlewell
Roar Guru
And really, I think this is a big part of why this is such a big thing. The Aussie cricketers, guys like Warner and coach Lehmann especially, have always been so quick to point the finger at everyone else and somehow excuse everything they do as "playing hard but never crossing the line" that when something comes out like this it's always going to be treated more harshly. "Judge not less you be judged, with the measure you use it will be measured to you!"
Basil (the original)
Guest
Nice attempt to twist... I just find it interesting the way that some jump on their high horse at times like this. It's like some people have never done anything wrong in their lives. Yeah, they've stuffed up but boy, haven't some relished in it?
JimmyB
Guest
I'd carry on being a prat if were you Jake, that's always worked well for you so far. I've not seen a single post from you throughout this whole thing that has been anything other than apportioning blame to others whilst your square jawed Aussie heroes somehow escape your contempt.
Jake
Guest
How do you manage Jimbo? Do we reward them with knighthoods and mbe's? Shall we go down the favoured english route of denying culpability and responsibility? Team sky, bloodgate, 05 Ashes, chris froome etc. What works best for you?