If the Eels have any idea about rugby league, they will extend Jarryd Hayne’s contract until next time they reach the fifth.
Make no mistake – despite having the unsolicited overtones of an Elon Musk submarine, my unprecedented and unrealistic suggestion would be a guaranteed steal for Parramatta.
Locking Hayne in for one set at a time would definitely reap a bargain much like a discount package from Harvey Norman, including the lack of interest.
While many may question the logistics, or crazily, even the logic, it would be totally simple and non-intrusive: negotiate with his people on the third, table a deal on the flank on the fourth, and hand him a pen on the fifth. If he drops it, shop him to Cronulla.
The former Blue is again firing with every passing second towards his current deal’s expiry, as evidenced in a month of performances which have seen analysts referencing 2009 for the first time since Tuesday.
Jarryd Hayne of the Eels (Photo by Jason McCawley/Getty Images)
His resurgence follows a similar pattern of punctually emerging as a footballer in the hope of a new deal, which has occurred everywhere except at the Gold Coast, where there is never hope.
However, Hayne’s inextricable link between imminent poverty and desperation has seen his cost-to-benefit ratio plummet below truffles and the NSW stadiums upgrade, naturally resulting in employment at Parramatta.
In light of this, there is only one way to guarantee the former representative’s incredible late-term form- by offering him six tackles of security, and then maybe burning down the Players Association’s offices.
While many believe Hayne has already been playing to short term contracts since 2014, locking this arrangement down officially would insure against another winter-long off-peak period, and Brad Arthur’s mortgage.
Additionally, limiting his deal to a single set would not only restrict Hayne to one unrequired tie of his shoelaces in the defensive line, it would also guarantee upwards of two tackles where he might go looking for the ball – nearly the same amount he usually records for the entire month of May.
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Best of all, the deal benefits the player too. Negotiating inside the 80 minutes would allow him to conduct talks on the field, the period of the week where he has most of his down time.
I’ve asked the fans, and the results were a landslide. Some even believed the vision is almost as positive and flawless for the game as import Origin players. Give Hayne a fountain pen and make him work.
And for those who think this idea sucks, remember this: we’re talking about a club who wilfully signed Anthony Watmough to a two-year deal, despite him conducting negotiations almost from the afterlife.
And if this fails for Hayne, there’s always a job on the Fox commentary team where he can subtly white-ant Neil Henry again.
Ray Paks
Roar Rookie
It's hard to fathom this is the same person that (at numerous points in time) exhibited levels of skill, strength and enthusiasm no other player in the Rugby League universe could come even close to matching. Now, it's just a paycheck thing. all the other stuff is gone..
Big daddy
Guest
13 minutes of game time in nfl looks good on your resume. How many minutes did Manfred Moore get when he played for the jets or should I say bluebags.
Dane Eldridge
Expert
He was a master-class in manouvering himself away from the play — both in attack and in defence! Thank you, John. This is the straight-shooting needed to save the dying artform of match reports!
John Wagner
Guest
Hi Dane, A couple of years ago I attended a double-header at Suncorp Stadium where the Titans played in a "curtain-raiser" to the Broncos. Not being very interested in the Titans match, I decided to watch Hayne for the ENTIRE game --- and he was a master-class in manouvering himself away from the play -- both in attack (unless he would receive the ball in conditions favourable to him) and in defence! He did almost nothing for the duration of that game ! I could hardly believe that such a highly-paid player would contribute so little. (Then there were the rumours of him being a disruptive influence at the Titans). I first began to suspect him when he was "retired" from American football, and he then thought that he easily could walk into the Fijian Union Sevens side for the Olympics. Luckily the Fijian coach saw through him.......... How could anyone who had come out of Gridiron (with their many breaks, and offensive and defensive teams running on and off) think that he could walk into Rugby 7s which, arguably, requires more fitness than most other forms of football of all codes? His ego had to be seen to be believed.!! Dane, your points are very valid. No Australian Club should be remotely interested in signing Hayne. PERHAPS some Pom League Club, who have not followed him and his ego, MIGHT be interested ??????? I don't thing any cashed-up Froggie or Pom Union team would even think of considering him. They do their homework very well. Besides that, I don't think he has ever played a serious game of Union?
Dane Eldridge
Expert
Thanks Phil. I've actually been told Jarryd was only picked in Laurie Daley's teams due to the lack of reasons to celebrate
Phil
Guest
Although this story is in jest it is bloody true. The best and most accurate article written about Hayne yet. No doubt he is a good footballer and is showing form but other factors have to be considered before any team signs him up. Like what his attitude does to the team. During SOO a story was written by someone about Fittler's thoughts on players and how they fit into a team. He showed his charges a video clip of Hayne scoring a try and then doing the plane thing right up to the fence. That clip showed that Hayne was all about himself. It would be good for RL if Hayne did get somewhere those dizzy heights of yesteryear but he's simply not worth it to any club.
Dane Eldridge
Expert
You're right, Tim. Looks like another deal stacked in Jarryd's favour, doesn't it?
Dane Eldridge
Expert
KK, this is wonderful stuff. I seriously owe you beer(s)
kk
Guest
Hi Dane, I love the way you read the game, the way its played by Jarryd. A brilliant piece of work to warm the day. Awoke to 2.6 at Kariong.
kk
Guest
Hi Dane, You warm the day. Awoke to 2.6 at Kariong. I disturbed my computer from its sleep. Click to Roar. Click to Dane Eldridge. Enter Jo (Mrs kk) : Has Dane got anything today? kk: He's done a piece on the Plane...I'll read it to you. Jo: Chuckles, laughter, the lower jaw dropping in genuine appreciation. That's incredible...brilliant. Can you print that out for me. kk: The NRL/ARL should engage Dane to re-write the Rule Book. Peace at play. The forward pass would have true justice and the 10m laser beam controlled. The moral of this story is to read Dane to your better half. Start the day with a laugh. Note. Jo admires Neil Henry and despite him buying his Mum a home no longer cheers for Jarryd.
tim
Guest
This would have to extend to defensive sets to truly work