Several years ago Matt To’omua and I were dancing aboard the lead float of Sydney’s Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras, despite neither of us being gay and/or lesbian, or dancers of any note.
Matt was an ambassador for ‘rugby’, while I was there as the half-arsed publicist for Sydney Convicts, the Bingham Cup World Champions, about whom I’d written a yarn for The Guardian in 2013 that some still email me about today.
So, there you go.
And the segue between that true, if implausible, story is that To’omua, despite not wearing the captain’s ‘arm band’, or the vice-captain’s… I don’t know, ‘leg monitor’, say… continues to lead, this time for his Melbourne Rebels from the middle of AAMI Park and beyond.
On Sunday at Suncorp, To’omua will wear the No.12 outside 21-year-old former Reds flyhalf Carter Gordon. And, for mine, this is best practice for the Rebels’ inside-back division and greater ‘shape’.
Because To’omua is a 12. He can cart it up, bullocking. He’s tough defensively. And he knows the inner channels where his kind, once derided – and perhaps still derided – as ‘pin-heads’, must earn their keep in the pilfering and maintenance of possession at rugby’s great point of difference from the other rugby, the breakdown.
Handily for him, To’omua’s body shape leans closer to George Smith’s than Jason Little’s. And while he’s not ever going to channel Stephen Larkham for ghosting manoeuvres (my but that bastard’s hard to spell), To’omua has tidy skills, fine bunted punts, and can sling a ball wide either side of his body.
At the other end of the career spectrum is the No.10, Gordon, who came down from Brisbane mid-way through 2021 and immediately came off the bench in a win over Waratahs.
(Photo by Matt King/Getty Images)
Soon enough he was starting at flyhalf in a match against Chiefs in which he grubbered for himself, got the bounce, looked inside and out before finding Stacey Ili who scored. It was a micro part of a loss at Leichhardt, but you take the fillips where you get ‘em.
Ex-Brumbies halfback Joe Powell will continue to knock out his high-work-rate rugby, Jordan Uelese will look to add to his 15 Test caps (with one start), while No.4 Matt Philip is another with Wallabies pedigree.
And keep an eye on giant Junior Springboks prop, Jacobus Johannes ‘Cabous’ Eloff who weighs 125 kilograms, stands 193cm and is 23 years old.
But outside those guys and Reece Hodge, the Rebels have a borderline anonymous look to their predicted – yes, I predicted it – starting XV.
In five winless games against Kiwi opponents in 2021 they averaged 43 points against, 19 points for.
They lost 28-26 to new chums Fijian Drua in a trial at Harlequins Rugby Club.
They will go into the early rounds without Andrew Kellaway, Rob Leota, Trevor Hosea and Pone Fa’amausili.
Isi Naisarani and Marika Koroibete are no longer in the employ of Melbourne Rebels Inc.
And thus they are favoured for the wooden spoon in the 2022 Super Rugby competition.
What’s new?
The coach.
Kevin Foote took over from Dave Wessels late last season after the articulate, wunderkind South African had his charges kicking twice as many penalty goals as they scored tries. They beat the Waratahs twice in 2021, something that could have been achieved by Yass Rams reserves.
Our experts Brett McKay, Harry Jones and Geoff Parkes cast their eye over the Super Rugby contenders in episode 1 of our new podcast. Click below to play or follow on Spotify.
There’s a new fullback given Dale Heylett-Petty has retired from concussion symptoms and that man will be vice-captain Reece Hodge.
Blessed and/or cursed with the ‘utility’ tag, Hodge looks well suited to the 15 for his booming punts, hard charges at decent pace and toughness in the tight quarters.
Best-case scenario
Beat more than the Waratahs, including Queensland on Saturday night. For that would be a boilover, and setup their season.
Worst-case scenario
Lose to everyone. They’ve been ten years in Super Rugby. They’ve had plenty of Wallabies. It’s time they aimed up.
15. Reece Hodge
14. Lachie Anderson
13. Stacey Ili
12. Matt To’omua
11. Glen Vaihu
10. Carter Gordon
9. Joe Powell
8. Michael Wells
7. Brad Wilkin
6. Sam Wallis
5. Ross Haylett-Petty
4. Matt Philip
3. Cabous Eloff
2. Jordan Uelese
1. Cameron Orr
Others
Trevor Hosea, Young Tonumaipea, James Hanson, Ray Nu’u, Sef Fa’agase, Tamati Ioane, Thomas Nowlan, Andrew Kellaway, Isaac Aedo Kailea, Joe Pincus, Emosi Tuqiri, Michael Icely, Lukas Ripley, Moses Sorovi, George Worth, Efitusi Ma’afu, Sione Lolesio, Mason Gordon, Joshua Canham, Lebron Naea, Ilikena Vudogo, James Tuttle, Jeral Skelton, Josh Kemeny, Matt Gibbon, Pone Fa’amausili, Rhys Van Nek, Richard Hardwick, Robert Leota
Malo
Guest
Who do they represent, Sydney Uni. They should be axed.
Scott Loughton
Guest
One game in. Not great but Im not giving up on em just yet. Carna Vics. ????????????
Matt Cleary
Expert
Goodonya Busted. Yes, looking forward to seeing Lote’s nephew bop about. Tho I’m a Canberra boy mate so if the Rebels or Reds for that matter tank it’s a case of sucks to be them, pass the beer nuts. Hope they go well, tho. It is time, as they say.
Busted Fullback
Roar Rookie
G’day Matt. Good luck for the season, though it won’t run for your boys tomorrow night. You’ve got some great Q’ld talent down there. We seem to be producing some good players at the moment but limited opportunities up here. Glad they get a chance elsewhere. Lots of halves there but I’m a Tuttle, and Jeep’s, fan. Also a big fan of Emosie Tuqiri. There were some up here who thought he was too big for pro rugby. Really? I played with his uncle Lote, the prop and his dad. I think he’s got the same work ethic and as he matures, he’ll be a real handful. He already is at club level up here. But the best news, for me, is that Hodge gets to play 15. He is the 15 the Wallabies need next year. A full season of SRP, tests should be more than beneficial for everyone concerned. Again, good luck everyone, better luck Reds. :stoked: Stay safe and healthy.