Each week Andrew Jones will select a list of sports people united by some feature other than competence.
This week it is the correlation of their name with their talents. As always (well, since this column started last week) Jonesy welcomes your alternative line-ups.
My Top 5 Apt Sporting Names
1. Usain Bolt (c) – inspired this week’s list with his blistering world record in the 100m sprint. 9.72s makes him the quickest Jamaican since Michael Holding, and makes Merlene Ottey look like a mid-80s Kiwi medium pacer (naturally Ewen Chatfield springs to mind).
2. SCG MacGill (vc) – seizes the vice-captaincy this week by retiring unexpectedly. His 49 Test wickets at the SCG were a triumph of skill, perseverance and nominative determinism: while his father and grandfather played for WA, Australian selectors did not find much merit in their claims to be specialists at the “TMD” and “CWT”.
3. David Hookes – another cricketer with early claims to a self-fulfilling surname, his ambitions were revised after a bouncer from Andy Roberts, whose surname is apparently an Anglicised version of the old Antiguan handle IfyouhookmeIllbreakyourjaw.
4. Christian Cullen – named for the explosive All Black fullback, this 1998 NZ Horse of the Year showed blistering speed over a mile, collected 14 Group 1 and II races and is now the most expensive pacing stallion in the world. He also remains on Mr Ed-style speaking terms with John Mitchell.
5. George Best – he only polled 16th in 1999’s World Player of the Century, so should probably be called George XVI to make this list. On the other hand he did say “I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars … the rest I just squandered.”
If that’s not the best ever sporting quote, I don’t know what is.
Hazey the Bear
Roar Rookie
There was a Ukranian fencer named Boris Onyshchenko who was caught cheating in the 1976 Olympic games - After that he was known as Boris Dis-Onyshchenko...
Colin N
Guest
For the names, how about 6ft 7 Peter Crouch.
David V.
Guest
New Orleans Saints and St Kilda have the same nickname, and remarkably similar histories for most part. Ironically, New Orleans Saints were conceived in... 1966.
Jez
Guest
Best sporting commentary moment... Regarding english goalkeeper David Seamen: "And Seamen dribbles out of the box..."
Jameswm
Guest
On sporting quotes. Wasn't there one once when the graceful panther Michael Holding sent a thunderbolt down to the poor english offie, Peter Willey? The commentator said "...the bowler's Holding, the batsmen's Willey".
Holmsinator
Guest
Wayne Kerr played RL for Ireland in the RLWC last year. There was a quote from one of Ireland's games where the King of Lang Park was doing sideline commentary of "Wayne Kerr is a Wally Lewis".
BennO
Guest
As a kid I always got a giggle out of the name of the french rugby player Jean Condom. I think he died a few years ago now. But from the wikipedia page of Willie Anderson.... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Willie_Anderson_(rugby_coach) "In one of the most memorable moments in sporting history, Anderson along with his French Rugby counterpart Jean Condom (born 15/08/1960), unwittingly became the subject of a very amusing banner spotted by TV cameras in the crowd during a 5 Nations rugby match at Landsdowne Road in Irelands championship campaign of 1985. The banner proudly read 'Our Willies bigger than your Condom!'" And I always thought Serge Blanco was a pretty apt sporting name, especially when he surged upfield on a counter attack.
Ian Jessup
Guest
Did anyone spot the German diver at Beijing called Katja Dieckow (pronounced cut-ya dick-off)? Again, if in doubt, Google it.
Steffy
Guest
Didn't Dick Trickle drive in a series sponsored by Hooters?
Andrew Jones
Guest
Change your name to Jimmyjamgenius!
Jimmyjam
Guest
I think you've all missed the greatest sporting nam of them all!! The Great South Korean Pole vaulter........ They say he always did well until the crowd started chanting his name!!!!!! And then it all started to go horribly wrong. Kim Yoo Suk !!!!!!!!! And yes the nam is true, Ive copied his wikpedia profile link!! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kim_Yoo-Suk
Michael C
Guest
actually Derek Kickett at Essendon that same time as Michael Long..........kickett long. Cameron Ling (C.Ling = cling) - - a super effective tagger. At least Tony Woods did play at Collingwood for a while, alas, Dane Swan doesn't play for Sydney, Gary Lyon didn't play for Brisbane or Fitzroy (but Ross Lyon did), and Paul Roos didn't play for North Melb. some names lend to certain happenings.........such as an interchange of Brad Pearce for Carlton.........Pearce off. ---- a number of golfers named 'Green', and then there's one named 'Woods'. ---- then the unfortunate names for commentators........i.e. big West Coast Ruckman Dean Cox, when referring to Big Cox getting up (for the tap out)..... ah, well, that was just juvenile. ------ oh yeah, the alcohol image of footballers - - former Collingwood player from the '80s called Mark Beers.
jimbo
Guest
Zhu Ting (pronounced shoo-ting) chinese football striker. Margaret Court - tennis player Dick Butkus - Chicago Bears linebacker Norman Conquest - Australian goalkeeper Dean Windass - Hull City footballer
OldManEmu
Guest
Yordanka DOnkova, Bulgarian Hurdler
OldManEmu
Guest
Yordanka Donkova, Bulgarian female hurdler
Pat
Guest
Let's not forget the West Australian indigenous player who came across to Essendon. He wasn't much good but his name kept us amused - Willy Dick. I daresay he would have played in a forward pocket.
Dublin Dave
Guest
Regarding George Best, there is allegedly a mural/graffiti near his place of birth in Belfast bearing the slogan: "Maradonna good; Pele better; George Best" Another appropriately named sportsman was the Scottish player Gordon Mcilwham who played for Munster for a while. He was of course a prop. And no such discussion would be complete without deviating away from sport for just a moment to mention the long established legal firm of Argue & Phibbs in Sligo, Ireland. It really did exist. Google it if you don't believe me.
Andrew Jones
Guest
There's that other determined revhead too - Will Power
MOB
Guest
The world of V8 Supercars has a predestined trophy holder in Jamie Whincup.
Spiro Zavos
Expert
There was a Springbok prop in the 1930s, O.E.Bastard, who had a good name for a hard man. He later committed suicide, I believe.