By Andrew Jones
May 30th 2008 @ 8:51am
Loading ...The top 5 fat blokes in football
A whimsical new feature on The Roar, each week Andrew Jones will select a list of sportspeople united by some feature other than competence. This week it is the truly soft target of waistline.
Jonesy welcomes your alternative line-ups as long as they are selected in the same ridiculous pub-chat spirit (and using the traditional not-just-soccer definition of football).
My Top 5 Fat Blokes in Football
1. Matt Dunning (c) – the reason today’s list exists, thanks to his imminent appearance in the final of the world’s best provincial rugby competition. Sure, the Waratahs scrum may end up somewhere on the North Island, but at least a Teletubbie made it to the big time.
2. Danny Wicks – known for his backflips and blistering turn of speed, this Newcastle Knights front-rower earned his spot by letting Brett Hodgson in for a Round 10 try as soft as his waistline. As I am a Wests Tigers fan, this is a plus.
3. Artie Beetson – citing a late-’60s Test Match vs. Great Britain in which the Immortal laid on four tries, my greying mate Greggy said Big Artie played “the best half-game I’ve ever seen”. For a fat footballing icon, there can be no greater compliment.
4. Tony Lockett – Plugger virtually picks himself, or should I say “pigs” himself. The porker launched onto the SCG in 1993 with Lockett’s #4 spray-painted on its side also rockets into the Top 5 Pigs Released Onto Iconic Aussie Sportsgrounds, behind only the Eddie Hemmings/Ian Botham tribute bacon from the Gabba, 1982. (Admittedly this list may also have 3 vacancies.)
5. Maradona – Never has a nimble-footed genius of the World Game gone to seed quite as satisfyingly as Diego. While the Hand of God remains, the Stomach of God has been stapled. (I reckon the Septum of God might be struggling as well.)
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(18)
The Wounded Tiger said | May 30th 2008 @ 11:36am | Report comment
Couldn’t find a spot for recently departed “Mick Nolan”? At least he was really proper fat. Possibly the only known top quality ruckman who couldn’t actually jump.
Kento said | May 30th 2008 @ 12:38pm | Report comment
The Refrigerator Perry (American) was a v large unit.
Andrew Jones said | May 30th 2008 @ 1:40pm | Report comment
Outstanding contributions Tiger and Kento - love the picture especially. The Fridge was actually my #6 pick but was just squeezed out (no easy feat). Mick Nolan missed out because my AFL knowledge is patchy at best, but having just Googled him he is obviously a worthy contender!
cheers
Jonesyh
Grant said | May 30th 2008 @ 1:59pm | Report comment
Nice debut AJ - marred only by your characteristic Aussie bias. Billy Cavubati beats Matt ‘The Pieman’ Dunning hands down for title of the world’s best fatboy prop.
Moneypenny said | May 30th 2008 @ 2:11pm | Report comment
Genius. I look forward to the 5 worst hairstyles in football; the 5 most incomprehensible speakers in football and the 5 scariest WAGs in football (although that’s got to be harder now that Mrs Gower is no longer wowing the residents of Penrith).
Moneypenny said | May 30th 2008 @ 2:20pm | Report comment
Genius. I look forward to reading about the 5 worst hairstyles in football, the 5 silliest names in football, the 5 most incomprehensible football interviewees and the 5 scariest WAGs in football (although that has to be tricker now that Mrs Gower is no longer dazzling the residents of Penrith).
Alan Reid said | May 30th 2008 @ 2:25pm | Report comment
In the week of his death, how could Andrew Jones leave out Mick “the Galloping Gasometer” Nolan - the 1975 premiership ruckman for North Melbourne. He was the pillar on which all largish elite athletes have modelled themselves since then.
RIP Mick.
Wally Reid
DaniE said | May 30th 2008 @ 3:19pm | Report comment
I remember watching Fosi Pala’amo play for Randwick… he could only wear jersey no 21 I think because the prop sizes were too small. There was a great semi-final he played in which Jim Maxwell said he “speared over” for the try… when he just fell on the line. Now he’s slimmed down and cut off his dreads - couldn’t recognise him during the World Cup at all!
Moneypenny - I totally agree with your suggestions there!!!
DaniE said | May 30th 2008 @ 3:20pm | Report comment
There’s been a few massive props as well in South African rugby too right? Os du Randt comes to mind?
True Tah said | May 30th 2008 @ 3:28pm | Report comment
DaniE,
the prop I think you are referring to was Ollie le Roux - I hear he had a big appetite for Wimpy burgers (those posters who are South African or been there will know what Im talking about).
Kento said | May 30th 2008 @ 4:31pm | Report comment
Erm…do we dare mention Link? If not then…most certainly now
Spiro Zavos said | May 30th 2008 @ 5:09pm | Report comment
Ollie le Roux dropped a pass with the try line open and one of his team-mates shouted out to him: ‘Ollie man, you’d wouldn’t have dropped it if it’d been a meat pie.’
Alan Reid said | May 30th 2008 @ 5:20pm | Report comment
Fosi Pala’amo - I had the privilege of coaching Fosi’s brother Sana a few years ago, a bash & barge centre/No8!! Both are great blokes but I can imagine Ma Pala’amo’s weekly shopping was equal to the GDP of a small nation!!!
mcxd said | May 30th 2008 @ 5:21pm | Report comment
What was the name of that Fijian prop during the 2003 world cup ? he was absolutely massive. Strangley, his stamina was not as large as his dinner bill.
swifty said | May 30th 2008 @ 6:09pm | Report comment
what about Rod Kafar - that bloke was the fattest flyhalf ever!
Jamie said | June 2nd 2008 @ 9:33am | Report comment
Kickett who played for Essendon in late 80’s early 90’s was also a fatboy. Especially at the end of his career.
Can we do a list of general fatboys of sport. Long John Daly was (although no role model) a large boy!
Andrew Jones said | June 6th 2008 @ 7:44pm | Report comment
Jamie - Kickett also got a mention inthe June 6 comments, albeit for entirely different reasons! cheers, Jonesy
Dublin Dave said | July 6th 2008 @ 10:35pm | Report comment
Oi!! I won’t have any criticisim of Ollie Le Roux. He just finished playing a Celtic League winning season for Leinster and he’s a complete and utter LEGEND!!!
Scored two tries in his last match, the title clincher against the Dragons. Both were from sweeping backline moves in which he used his pace, deft handling and elusive running skills to evade the desperate defence before scoring in the corner.
OK that’s a lie. Both were in fact tap and gos from penalties awarded 5m from the try line. Hey, would you want him flopping down on top of you from that distance? He’s gone now to be replaced next season by somebody called CJ Van Der Linde who apparently DOES have the pace and skill to score the type of fictitious try described above.
Give me the baby-faced burger belly Le Roux any day.