A whimsical new feature on The Roar, each week Andrew Jones will select a list of sportspeople united by some feature other than competence. This week it is the truly soft target of waistline.
Jonesy welcomes your alternative line-ups as long as they are selected in the same ridiculous pub-chat spirit (and using the traditional not-just-soccer definition of football).
My Top 5 Fat Blokes in Football
1. Matt Dunning (c) – the reason today’s list exists, thanks to his imminent appearance in the final of the world’s best provincial rugby competition. Sure, the Waratahs scrum may end up somewhere on the North Island, but at least a Teletubbie made it to the big time.
2. Danny Wicks – known for his backflips and blistering turn of speed, this Newcastle Knights front-rower earned his spot by letting Brett Hodgson in for a Round 10 try as soft as his waistline. As I am a Wests Tigers fan, this is a plus.
3. Artie Beetson – citing a late-’60s Test Match vs. Great Britain in which the Immortal laid on four tries, my greying mate Greggy said Big Artie played “the best half-game I’ve ever seen”. For a fat footballing icon, there can be no greater compliment.
4. Tony Lockett – Plugger virtually picks himself, or should I say “pigs” himself. The porker launched onto the SCG in 1993 with Lockett’s #4 spray-painted on its side also rockets into the Top 5 Pigs Released Onto Iconic Aussie Sportsgrounds, behind only the Eddie Hemmings/Ian Botham tribute bacon from the Gabba, 1982. (Admittedly this list may also have 3 vacancies.)
5. Maradona – Never has a nimble-footed genius of the World Game gone to seed quite as satisfyingly as Diego. While the Hand of God remains, the Stomach of God has been stapled. (I reckon the Septum of God might be struggling as well.)
In addition to being a sports nuffy, Andrew Jones is a co-founder of local business ratings website Customer Underground - check it out at customerunderground.com.
Enjoy sports? Enjoy a bargain? All Sports Online has your favourite sporting brands at up to 70% off. Online only, premium quality sporting goods and merchandise at discounted prices. Get a deal now.
Do you have what it takes to become a sports writer? Write for the roar
Rugby League articles
- Rugby league’s new era: where to now? (16)
- New dawn for rugby league gets underway (11)
- Rugby league commission ushers in new era (3)
- Ennis confident about his NRL fitness
- Why sporting seasons should never cross paths (35)
- Independent Commission four years in the making, but worth the wait (26)
- Kearney still to choose Eels kicker
- Rugby league’s new era: where to now? (16)
- Federal Court has it wrong on sports broadcast copyright (48)
- An open letter to Channel Nine (107)
- The NRL’s scariest players (56)
- Is the All Stars match increasing the divide? (25)
- Channel Nine needs NRL-cricket ODI compromise (36)
- The NRL needs a vision (52)
- Explore:
The Wounded Tiger said | May 30th 2008 @ 11:36am | Report comment
Couldn’t find a spot for recently departed “Mick Nolan”? At least he was really proper fat. Possibly the only known top quality ruckman who couldn’t actually jump.
Kento said | May 30th 2008 @ 12:38pm | Report comment
The Refrigerator Perry (American) was a v large unit.
Andrew Jones said | May 30th 2008 @ 1:40pm | Report comment
Outstanding contributions Tiger and Kento – love the picture especially. The Fridge was actually my #6 pick but was just squeezed out (no easy feat). Mick Nolan missed out because my AFL knowledge is patchy at best, but having just Googled him he is obviously a worthy contender!
cheers
Jonesyh
Grant said | May 30th 2008 @ 1:59pm | Report comment
Nice debut AJ – marred only by your characteristic Aussie bias. Billy Cavubati beats Matt ‘The Pieman’ Dunning hands down for title of the world’s best fatboy prop.
Moneypenny said | May 30th 2008 @ 2:11pm | Report comment
Genius. I look forward to the 5 worst hairstyles in football; the 5 most incomprehensible speakers in football and the 5 scariest WAGs in football (although that’s got to be harder now that Mrs Gower is no longer wowing the residents of Penrith).
Moneypenny said | May 30th 2008 @ 2:20pm | Report comment
Genius. I look forward to reading about the 5 worst hairstyles in football, the 5 silliest names in football, the 5 most incomprehensible football interviewees and the 5 scariest WAGs in football (although that has to be tricker now that Mrs Gower is no longer dazzling the residents of Penrith).
Alan Reid said | May 30th 2008 @ 2:25pm | Report comment
In the week of his death, how could Andrew Jones leave out Mick “the Galloping Gasometer” Nolan – the 1975 premiership ruckman for North Melbourne. He was the pillar on which all largish elite athletes have modelled themselves since then.
RIP Mick.
Wally Reid
DaniE said | May 30th 2008 @ 3:19pm | Report comment
I remember watching Fosi Pala’amo play for Randwick… he could only wear jersey no 21 I think because the prop sizes were too small. There was a great semi-final he played in which Jim Maxwell said he “speared over” for the try… when he just fell on the line. Now he’s slimmed down and cut off his dreads – couldn’t recognise him during the World Cup at all!
Moneypenny – I totally agree with your suggestions there!!!
DaniE said | May 30th 2008 @ 3:20pm | Report comment
There’s been a few massive props as well in South African rugby too right? Os du Randt comes to mind?
True Tah said | May 30th 2008 @ 3:28pm | Report comment
DaniE,
the prop I think you are referring to was Ollie le Roux – I hear he had a big appetite for Wimpy burgers (those posters who are South African or been there will know what Im talking about).