What a crock.
I want a real, big code war with dummy spits, ignorance and absolutely zero sense of humour. No holds barred stuff, you know. And I want a guy called Brick killing another guy on a horse with a trident.
By way of referee I will gladly offer my services.
What?
I can be impartial. I can act with honest disinterest. Sure there was a time when my love of rugby would have clouded things but I’m fine, I’m bang up for this.
Trust me, let’s go.
Right, would all the mungos, woofy Victorians and foreigners go and take your places under the league, AFL and football banners respectively.
Rah-rahs sit tight – we’ll do like the Yanks and let this war roll on a bit before getting involved.
Better still, rugger buggers, let’s help them along a bit. I’ll need an agent provocateur to don a Rabbitohs jersey and tell the first bloke in tight shorts he sees that AFL has the international appeal of Ian Turpie.
Then we’ll drop some leaflets over the greater South-East Queensland area reminding them that the Gabba now belongs to Fitzroy.
Quick, one of you blokes google the TV viewer numbers from the last football world cup and post it under the name SerbianSkipBasher.
We’ll have to stay ready for the counter attack. Some leaguie is sure to mention a French bird named Vicky at some stage. Tell him about Lenin-banned rugby but you don’t hear us sooking about it.
Some football kid will probably roll out the word ‘global’. Do not engage.
If we have to we’ll bring in reinforcements. You know those fat, pompous, blazer-wearing, whinging English rugby types we’re always umm … whinging about? Yeah, well, they’re our friends now.
Butter them up with a heartfelt appreciation of Martin Johnson or some such tosh.
We all know they couldn’t draw a backline with a Dan Carter shaped stencil and are the worst thing to happen to rugby and all that but we might be out-numbered here if we’re not careful.
Get the Jarpies in on this too. I know, I know, I don’t like them, you don’t like them but do you think George Bush really liked Tony Blair?
Besides the South Africans are angry little buggers when they get going and we’re going to need that.
Avoid relying on Kiwis if you can – they’re a godless people. The only thing they want more than the nuclear annihilation of Australia is to move here.
I wouldn’t be surprised if history reveals that they sabotaged the Gallipoli landings just to see an Australian defeat.
The other islands are good though.
Just like the Wallabies, we’ll need to borrow a few Polynesians here and there to add a little taro-fed bulk to the squad.
Besides, everyone loves a Samoan. They’re the guys with the little guitars, right?
If we ever do get caught in a pincer movement between two of the heathen codes I’m going to need a volunteer for a suicide mission.
Belligerence and obstinacy will serve that man well. He’ll need to charge straight in with the complete list of every glassing, arrest, defecation and assault that has been even loosely attributed to either league and AFL players.
While he’s getting shot down with the rap sheets of Kurtley Beale and Quade Cooper, the rest of us will attempt to outflank them from the high-ground of Olympic inclusion.
You’ll all need to learn and remember the names of at least two players from the Indian sevens team at last year’s Commonwealth games.
A word of caution – be on guard for so-called ‘wise old heads’ who’ll attempt to halt the battle and enslave us all to their peace-loving namby-pamby-ism.
You should be able to spot them if you look for words like ‘appreciate’, ‘mutual’ and ‘Sheek’.
If we play our cards right this should come down to a two-code shoot-out with our boys on the front foot. That’s when we go for the big push. Be prepared to display heroic amounts of hypocrisy.
If we’re left facing the leaguies or ping-pongers, get your retaliation in first.
If your sports were more entertaining then more countries would play them. That line will be your bread and butter, just close your eyes and repeat it. If that doesn’t work try confusing everyone with the word indigenous.
If its the football boys, and god help us if it is, we don’t really have much of a plan.
Hint at effeminacy, question orientations; never be afraid to bowl underarm. See if you can buy us here at HQ some time as our battle plans haven’t really been updated since the 1950s.
To be honest, if the football boys ever got their act together in Australia we’d all be buggered, so best just to hope they keeping bringing themselves down.
Of course, this whole thing could just blow over next week.
I mean, how on earth the love of one sport could necessitate animosity towards another is as marvellous a facet of human behaviour as the ability of religious extremists of any creed to differentiate between themselves.
Maybe we need to be different from each other.
Maybe this short, meaningless existence fills us with the fear of being washed over like another completely replaceable grain of sand on the beach.
Caught under the breaking waves, we cling to something, anything, to pledge our allegiance to, something that we might be remembered by even if it is the most trivial of preferences and discriminations.
What a waste. What a stupid, pointless waste of what energy I have left.
Oh bugger this, I’m getting all emotional. Let’s get this thing on before I start crying like a little football girl.
Gavin Henson
Guest
Publican, as someone who plays a sport they call 'football' an english term, I assume you are a big fan of english culture. I'm picturing your sitting room full of royal dalton porclein and embroidered tea cosies feat. The Queen....
Jason
Guest
Well yes we relate to Pommy and Islander culture more then your strange one. And no I'm not an ex-pat, Aussie through and through
Koops
Roar Rookie
Thanks for clearing that up, everyone should now be clear on that.
Koops
Roar Rookie
Interesting that you would say that Australian football is foriegn to southern QLD, the code was played there some 30 years before RL, and is actually Australian born and bred, unlike imported other football codes. Also i may point out that in 2011 there are 93 mens opens teams playing in local Brisbane AFL comp, and 35/40 under 18 teams, combined with around 10,000 juniors. I wonder how many would agree with your assertion that they all play a "foreign" code.
MyLeftFoot
Roar Guru
No, I don't think the AFL has taken over PNG, I doubt that's a priority. But PNG is coming along nicely, and are a firm favourite for this year's International Cup: http://www.worldfootynews.com/article.php/20110301095144153 there are already a few PNG players on AFL lists right now. And two Sth African players will play with a TFL club this season, which is a good step forward for where Sth Africa is at the moment. While were on the subject, a 3rd Australian Football league is about to start in China: http://www.worldfootynews.com/article.php/20110311151751563
woodsman
Guest
Ah ian, you are so pathetic. Soccer is Association Football, no argument. Never has been the only football, never will be. Want to be accurate, pick the first codified game to hold the title- thats not your game of choice. You continue to ignore the history of the etymology of a debate you lost many years ago and will continue to lose every single time.
Republican
Guest
Jason So you relate more to Pommy and South Sea Pommy culture then, or perhaps you are just another of those SSP ex pats of which there are numerous - now I understand. I have met others just like you.
The Bush
Roar Guru
Classic
The Bush
Roar Guru
If they had a State of Origin for being awesome at sport Australia-wide, I'm pretty sure Queensland would win it... Annually... ;-)
Still Alive
Guest
But the AFL told him so, it must be true. Don't you know the game's taking over South Africa and PNG as well.
The Bush
Roar Guru
You know this thread is meant to be a little bit of fun hey? So hopefully you're humouring me by taking my reference to Mexicans to actually refer to Mexicans... It would be even more humorous if you have referred to Victoria as Mexico (and then claimed there is no code war there, I assume due to the "dominance" of Aussie Rules?)! Having said all that, if you're being dead serious with me, yes, I guess - if code wars are real - then sure, it all started with those foppish Ruggers up against them blue-collar Mungo's... Thank you for enlightening me!
MyLeftFoot
Roar Guru
That's funny, but this is even funnier, in the recently completed Oceania U16 championships, NZ was absolutely smashed by each of the pacific island nations who took part.
Rob McLean
Guest
Ohhhhhh the Stooges. Saw them at the BDO. Anyone want to chuck in a Louie, Louie by the Kingsmen???
Matt S
Guest
Great to see the NRL attracting 'paid' TV deals compared to AFL overseas deals which still need to be given away bar Nauru perhaps. From NRL.com League fans across Asia and the Pacific Islands will be able to watch every match of the 2011 Telstra Premiership live through a combination of new Free-to-Air and PayTV broadcast deals and a new online streaming service, LIVENRL.TV, announced by the NRL today. For the first time ever, www.livenrl.tv will offer fans living or travelling in Asia and the Pacific Islands as well as Europe, Great Britain, Ireland, the USA, South America, Canada and Africa, a subscription package that provides online access to up to eight live matches per round (subject to television broadcasts in each region) as well as full replays of every match, highlights and post-match interviews. Today’s announcement follows the recent signing of television broadcast agreements with Free-to-Air network FijiTV and subscription providers Sky Pacific and Setanta Sports (Asia), which replace the Australia Network deal and will deliver coverage of the Telstra Premiership and Harvey Norman State of Origin Series to fans in the Pacific Islands and Asia for 2011 and 2012. “ In addition to the online streaming service, a new Free-to-Air broadcast agreement with FijiTV (Fiji 1) will take two games live and one game delayed during each round of the Telstra Premiership, as well as the Harvey Norman State of Origin Series to fans in Fiji, Tonga, Samoa, the Solomon Islands, Vanuatu, American Samoa, the Cook Islands, Kiribati, Nauru, Niue and Tuvalu. FijiTV will also deliver five Telstra Premiership games per round into Papua New Guinea through EMTV and every match of the Telstra Premiership live (where no games clash) into the Pacific Islands via their subscription TV service, Sky Pacific. “Rugby League is one of those sports that has an extremely passionate fan base,” FijiTV Group CEO, Mr Tarun Patel, said. “ In Asia, a new two-year deal with Setanta Sports will see a minimum of five Telstra Premiership matches per round broadcast live into countries including Singapore, Malaysia, Hong Kong, Sri Lanka and Brunei, with subscribers to also receive weekly highlights and the Harvey Norman State of Origin Series. Matches will be broadcast on Setanta’s new rugby channel, which the network intends to expand across all major Asian countries. MD Setanta International, Mr Roger Hall, said: “We are delighted to be partnering with the NRL. “Setanta Sports is already the natural home across Asia for top-flight rugby union and the NRL is a fantastic addition to our strong line up. As we roll out across the region we look forward to giving fans of the National Rugby League competition better coverage than ever before.” The new agreements see FijiTV, Sky Pacific, EMTV and Setanta Sports (Asia) join a suite of NRL broadcasters which includes the Nine Network, Premier Media Group (Fox Sports), Sky NZ, Orbit Showtime Network (Middle East), SkySports and Premier Sports in the UK, Eurosport2 and Setanta Sports (Africa and Canada).
betamax
Roar Guru
Love it! Why am I enjoying the music on this thread more than the tired code war debate?
Brett McKay
Guest
Well I'll give it to you Garth, you've done it. I feared early on that we throught you were just taking the piss and only really wanting to start a code war in an ironic way, but hot damn, you've created a full-blown code war. Things I've learnt in this thread: 1. Some people have small cerebral spaces and can't pronounce (and possibly spell) 'Catalans' proper; 2. NZ will be an Australian state within 50 years "by all indications". I say bugger waiting, let's invade now and get Carter and McCaw in Wallaby jumpers before September (as an aside, this will also resolve Australian rugby's depth and lack-of-national-comp problems in one swoop. Yay team...), and 3. Our meat's better than the rest of the worlds.... So kudos, Garth, and kudos to you... ACTUALLY... maybe there's a lesson here Eds: maybe we should just schedule a code war for the second Thursday of every month, and let people go their hardest in a controlled forum?? :shock:
MyLeftFoot
Roar Guru
Why isn't Ian referring to the Macquarie dictionary? Maybe he's embarassed of Australian English? A case of cultural cringe? Personally, I love our local vernacular, it's part of who we are, just like our national game.
MyLeftFoot
Roar Guru
Focusing a bit too much on others, when he should be brushing up on his Catalan, otherwise, in certain circles, he will be found to not be the afficionado he claims to be.
MyLeftFoot
Roar Guru
In our sporting hall of fame, they call it soccer.
seanoroo
Roar Rookie
LOL, Im now following.