Top ten dumb quotes from sportspeople

English football coach who at the end of a game was asked by a journalist for a quick word....he replied "velocity" and kept walking.

I always like Mexted's "that move was as smooth as a Brazillian" line

Not from a sportsman in the true sense but still a favourite is "no one is the suppository of all wisdom."

Anon. English football coach, "We beat them 4 - nil, and they were lucky to get that much!"

Some funny cricket quotes: "A very small crowd here today. I can count the people on one hand. Can't be more than 30" - Michael Abrahamson "Strangely, in slow motion, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer" - David Acfield "The Port Elizabeth ground is more of a circle than an oval. It is long and square" - Trevor Bailey "There are good one-day players, there are good Test players and vice versa" - Trevor Bailey "On the first day Logie decided to chance his arm and it came off" - Trevor Bailey "I don't think he expected it, and that's what caught him unawares" - Trevor Bailey "We owe some gratitude to Gatting and Lamb, who breathed some life into a corpse which had nearly expired" - Trevor Bailey "No captain with all the hindsight in the world can predict how the wicket is going to play" - Trevor Bailey "This series has been swings and pendulums all the way through" - Trevor Bailey "Lloyd did what he achieved with that shot" - Trevor Bailey "Laird has been brought in to stand in the corner of the circle" - Richie Benaud "He's usually a good puller - but he couldn't get it up that time" - Richie Benaud "His throw went absolutely nowhere near where it was going" - Richie Benaud "I think the batsman's strategy will be to make runs and not get out" - Richie Benaud "This shirt is unique: there are only 200 of them" - Richie Benaud "That slow-motion replay doesn't show how fast the ball was travelling" - Richie Benaud "In the rear, the small diminutive figure of Shoaib Mohammed, who can't be much taller than he is" - Henry Blofeld "It's a catch he would have caught 99 times times out of 1,000" - Henry Blofeld "Flintoff starts in, his shadow beside him. Where else would it be?" - Henry Blofeld "After their 60 overs, West Indies have scored 244 for 7, all out" - Frank Bough "Three bad days does not mean you're a bad team overnight" - Paul Collingwood "The Queen's Park Oval, exactly as its name suggests—absolutely round" - Tony Cozier "Now Botham, with a chance to put everything that's gone before behind him" - Tony Cozier "The ball came back, literally cutting Graham Thorpe in half" - Colin Croft "Who could forget Malcolm Devon?" - Ted Dexter, completely forgetting Devon Malcolm "In the past five weeks I've trained hard, trying to get my ankle back to where I want it to be" - Andrew Flintoff "This is Cunis at the Vauxhall End. Cunis—a funny sort of name. Neither one thing nor the other" - Alan Gibson "Clearly the West Indies are going to play their normal game, which is what they normally do" - Tony Greig "It's obviously a great occasion for all the players. It's a moment they will always forget" - Ray Hudson "An interesting morning, full of interest" - Jim Laker "It's a unique occasion really - a repeat of Melbourne 1977" - Jim Laker "For any budding cricketers listening, do you have any superstitious routines before an innings, like putting one pad on first and then the other one?" - Tony Lewis "England have nothing to lose here, apart from this Test match" - David Lloyd "And we don't need a calculator to tell us that the required run-rate is 4.5454 per over" - Christopher Martin-Jenkins "It's a perfect day here in Australia, glorious blue sunshine" - Christopher Martin-Jenkins "If you go in with two fast bowlers and one breaks down, you're left two short" - Bob Massie "This game will be over anytime from now" - Alan McGilvray "I've seen batting all over the world. And in other countries too" - Keith Miller "[Geoffrey] Boycott, somewhat a creature of habit, likes exactly the sort of food he himself prefers" - Don Mosey "Well, everyone is enjoying this except Vic Marks, and I think he's enjoying himself" - Don Mosey "Michael Vaughan has a long history in the game ahead of him" - Mark Nicholas "Sorry, skipper, a leopard can't change it's stripes" - Lennie Pascoe "It's a catch 21 situation" - Kevin Pietersen "And there's the George Headley stand, named after George Headley" - Trevor Quirk "We have had exceptionally wet weather in Derby - everywhere in the county is in the same boat" - Tom Sears "This ground is surprising. It holds about 60,000 but when there are around 30,000 in, you get the feeling that it is half empty" - Ravi Shastri "We've won one on the trot" - Alec Stewart "With regard to the broken finger, when batting I'll just have to play it by ear" - Marcus Trescothick "Unless something happens that we can't predict, I don't think a lot will happen" - Fred Trueman "People only call me 'Fiery' because it rhymes with Fred, just like 'Typhoon' rhymes with Tyson" - Fred Trueman "The game's a little bit wide open again" - Fred Trueman "That's what cricket's all about: two batsmen pitting their wits against one another" - Fred Trueman "That was a tremendous six: the ball was still in the air as it went over the boundary" - Fred Trueman "We didn't have metaphors in our day. We didn't beat around the bush" - Fred Trueman* "Anyone foolish enough to predict the outcome of this match is a fool" - Fred Trueman

What about whispering Ted Lowe commentating on the snooker "Hes now about to pot the green ,for those of you with black and white telly its next to the pink ......"

Murray Mexted's contribution in this field cannot be ignored: 1. “I just Love it when Mehrtens comes on the inside of Marshall” 2. “As you know, I’ve been pumping Marty Leslie for a couple of years now.” 3. “You don’t like to see hookers going down on players like that.” 4. A Sky TV producer was conducting a sound test before the last Springbok test at Carisbrook. “Murray can you hear me?….Murray can you hear me?” Murray: “No.” 5. “Paul Tito looked like a blind man in a brothel, just left groping.” 6. “The lineouts of course are a great artform, I’ve always fantisised about lineouts, even in my sleep sometimes…” 7. “Well it was a great kick. We know Matthew Cooper’s got tremendous rhythm now, he’s smooth, smooth as a baby’s bum… By Joves, that didn’t slip out did it?” 8. “It’s very easy to be exposed as an open side (flanker) if you don’t have your mate up your backside” 9. “Well it still does it for me, the tingle up the spine, the tingle in the loins” 10.”Isn’t that an interesting scene, the two coaches, Nick Mallett and John Hart. By Joves times have changed haven’t they. In the old days they’d be punching each other in that position.” – (The two former coaches of the respective South African and New Zealand rugby teams were shown seated together in a grandstand).

Yogi Berra cannot be left out of this one... "Baseball is ninety percent mental. The other half is physical." "Bill Dickey is learning me his experience." "He hits from both sides of the plate. He's amphibious." "How can a you hit and think at the same time?" "I always thought that record would stand until it was broken." "I can see how he (Sandy Koufax) won twenty-five games. What I don't understand is how he lost five." "I don't know (if they were men or women fans running naked across the field). They had bags over their heads." "If people don't want to come out to the ballpark, how are you going to stop them?" "I'm a lucky guy and I'm happy to be with the Yankees. And I want to thank everyone for making this night necessary." "I'm not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did." "In baseball, you don't know nothing." "I never blame myself when I'm not hitting. I just blame the bat and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it isn't my fault that I'm not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?" "I never said most of the things I said." "It ain't the heat, it's the humility." "It gets late early out there." "I think Little League is wonderful. It keeps the kids out of the house." "It's like deja vu all over again." "I wish everybody had the drive he (Joe DiMaggio) had. He never did anything wrong on the field. I'd never seen him dive for a ball, everything was a chest-high catch, and he never walked off the field." "Little League baseball is a very good thing because it keeps the parents off the streets." Source: Catcher in the Wry (Bob Uecker) "Ninety percent of this game is half mental." Source: Sports Illustrated (May 14, 1979) "Nobody goes there anymore because it's too crowded." "So I'm ugly. I never saw anyone hit with his face." "Take it with a grin of salt." "The game's isn't over until it's over." "The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase." "You can observe a lot just by watching." "You should always go to other people's funerals, otherwise, they won't come to yours." "You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you are going because you might not get there." "We made too many wrong mistakes." "When you come to a fork in the road, take it." and you'll be pleased to read his son has picked up where Yogi left off... "You can't compare me to my father. Our similarities are different."

Andre Dawson: "I want all the kids to copulate me." (on the need to be a role model) Charles Shackleford: “I can go right, I can go left, I’m amphibious.” "You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work." Golf's Lee Trevino

lol he actually was very good at Basketball the self declared "the man" he was offered a contract with the Sydney Kings in the 90's.

Oh, that Bradbury quote is tops!

Anything Mundine dribbles

Can you understand anything Fittler says? All I hear is "hurr durr" everytime he opens his mouth

Big Ron Atkinson (manager of many clubs in England & even Athletico Madrid in Spain and was manager of of ManU before Siir Alex) was famous for his quotes when he became a matchday analyst: Here is a tribute to "Big Fat Ron": 'I would not say that he (David Ginola) is one of the best left wingers in the Premiership, but there are none better.' 'I've had this sneaking feeling throughout the game that it's there to be won...' 'I think that the replay showed it to be worse than it actually was.' 'They must go for it now as they have nothing to lose but the match.' 'They've done the old-fashioned things well; they've kicked the ball, they've headed it...' 'They've picked their heads up off the ground, and they now have a lot to carry on their shoulders.' 'Zero-zero is a big score.' 'You half fancied that to go in as it was rising and dipping at the same time.' 'Now Manchester United are 2-1 down on aggregate, they are in a better position than when they started the game at 1-1.' 'Well, Clive, it's all about the two "M"s - movement and positioning.' 'For me their biggest threat is when they get into the attacking part of the field.' 'He'll take some pleasure from that, Brian Carey. He and Steve Bull have been having it off all afternoon.' 'When Scholes gets it [tackling] wrong, they come in so late that they arrive yesterday' 'Yes, Woodcock would have scored but his shot was just too perfect' 'He could have done a lot better there, but full marks to the lad.' 'At international level, giving the ball away doesn’t work too often.' 'You don't want to be giving away free kicks in the penalty area' 'That’s not the type of header you want to see your defender make, with his hand' And, the timeless ... 'Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw.'

Seriously, how funny is Shaq! His quotes are gold! Another from the diesel of the top of my head 'I'm like toothpaste, toilet paper and certain other amenities..I'm proven to be good'.