The Rugby League World Cup is just over two weeks away but already the world champion New Zealanders have dealt the top ranked Kangaroos a devastating psychological blow.
Yes, they are cooler than us.
With the release of the twenty-four man squads for the competing fourteen nations a number of things have become clear.
That is that Fiji are not going to struggle for pace in the outside backs, Charlie Tonga is the most aptly named coach of all time and that Tim Sheens is really, really desperate to win this tournament.
I’m talking Parramatta desperate. NSW desperate.
Blake Ferguson climbing through the kitchen window desperate.
This fact became evident with the naming of an Australian squad that could bore the headgear off Jamie Buhrer.
Smith, Boyd, Gallen…Sheens has even gone and chosen Corey Parker, a bloke that while statistically immortal, would appear more at home these days with a good detective novel and a cup of Earl Grey tea than on tour getting up to no good.
Yep, as a man getting paid by the ARL (and Wests Tigers!) to watch footy and organise tickets to the London Tower for ten months of the year, Sheens is well aware that a World Cup loss would be a dirty big steamer on an otherwise sterling run sheet.
So he’s played it safe. Don’t get me wrong, the Kangaroos squad is sound. It does however lack a certain pizazz, zing, an X-Factor.
No bolters, no smokies, no trace of the ‘enigmatic’.
Cast an eye across the Tasman however and things are very different.
There’s the fiery Jared Weaera-Hargraves, the unpredictable Manu Vatuvei and the flamboyantly brilliant Shaun Johnson…all this coached by the Brisbane Broncos water boy.
And, to top everything off the Jewel in the Kiwi crown, the inclusion of Sonny Bill Will-he or won’t he after the big man managed to reschedule a few of his boxing/skiing/rapping/acting commitments to lend a hand.
For a long, long time Australia has been the top draw card when it comes to international rugby league, thanks to some fantastic players and a winning record second only to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
But the tide appears to finally be turning, with the Kiwis now hogging much of the World Cup hype this time around.
This is clearly unacceptable, and if the Kangaroos are keen to get back to the top of the cool podium (and maybe win back the Cup) then they’re going to have to shake things up.
We’ve been complacent for far too long.
Something the Roos might try is following the host nation’s lead by holding an exotic pre-tournament training camp (I hear Bali is nice this time of year) or hold a hilarious beard growing competition like they did in 2000.
Out Sonny Billing the Kiwis is an obvious option for a couple of headlines, and I fail to see how bringing back Darren Lockyer, Gorden Tallis or Ross Conlon would make the green and gold any worse off, it’s unlikely Conlon has lost any of his pace anyway.
The English press would lap it up, and most importantly at the same time we’d be putting those upstarts from across the ditch back in their place.
That is, on the other side of the draw so we get to play England in the final like everyone wants.
Doikee
Guest
Unlike Uate, they grew up in their adopted countries in their formative years. Passion is in ingrained in your identity via the environment you remember growing up in.
nachos supreme
Guest
Hang on, Isn't beige the kiwi one day uniform?!
Dan
Guest
Yeah, it was just straight up ridiculous to make that call, to the point that it doesn't need to be addressed.
Emric
Guest
They are the no.1 team in the world for Australian Rules football - its a very good achievement considering Australias biggest and Richest city remains a rugby / soccer city
Sideline Comm.
Guest
Ridiculous statement. Just 'cause someone is from abroad doesn't mean they can't play well for their adopted country. David Pocock grew up in Zimbabwe. George Gregan was born in Zambia. Petro Civoniceva was born in Fiji. Were they not good players for our country?
Dan
Guest
Poms have no where near enough class in their spine. They'll finish below Aus and NZ even with passion...
Australian Rules
Guest
Actually, those Irish farmers gave them a good thrashing last year!
Mals
Guest
Brent Tate is a handy player not sure about Brett though. Is that his younger brother?
karlos
Guest
Tate is the best. Please don't bring Uate into contention. Not only is he highly over rated (like SBW) although handy; he is from Fiji. L look at the Wannabees; filling your ranks with people who don't have the passion for the nation just does not work. I reckon the Poms will have the most passion this time around and hope they do well with the stock they have.
oikee
Guest
Seen my name mentioned above, surely that gives me right of reply. ? Cool, you want some cool Chris, what about Gallena nd Myles now rubbing shoulders in the back row, how cool is that, hey,,,,,hey ,,,hey! And Cherry-Evans, no cooler name than that in world sport surely, stop calling me shirley. hehe And James look at the size of my mouthy grin, i could eat you in one serving Tamou. hey Ok, our team does look a little boring, a little bit safe, the question has to be asked, what happens if we lose, remembering what happened to Benny when he went out the back door at the airport, never to be seen again until he turned up at the dragons one sunny day. Speaking about Sonny, how good is that, the Poms will be rooting for him if England get beaten into submission. Submisson, ? that is the only way the roos will be beaten. England and New Zealand seem to have the teams to beat us into submission, i could be wrong. As Stevo Hemmings would say, this is starting to 'look' feel and getting tasty... moon doggy.
Dan
Guest
Exactly what I thought... Is Uate injured? I would have easily put Tupou in too ahead of him. Is he not eligible for Australia?
peeeko
Roar Guru
Is Brett Tate really the best winger we have available?
Kris Swales
Expert
Aussie squad definitely has a touch of the 'solid not spectacular' to it - doesn't have the look of a team whose only chance of a loss is their dignity at 3am in a hotel corridor. Nate Myles excepted, of course.
Pot Stirrer
Guest
Im really loking frward to the RLWC however i to am not that keen on the Aussie side. It has to many smug disrespectful Qldrs in it, Justified i admit but the intens rivalry from NSW to QL makes it hard to get behind a teamwith so many Toads,especially since they started singing thw QLND victory song after that test match and now the JT conspracy claims with out so much as reprimand from anyone.
Chris Chard
Expert
Well Emric the AFL's All Australian team still remains undefeated!
Emric
Guest
You could always surrender, stop playing league and join the Melbourne revolution of afl football :)
Dan
Guest
I have a feeling Qld would struggle v NZ...
Mals
Guest
May as well just chuck the QLD team in. It would make Oikee happy.... ;-)
Dan
Guest
It should be an interesting tournament actually - I'm not all that impressed by the Australian squad... A few too many guys getting their on reputation for my liking and there is a distinct lack of star-power about this team.
zug
Guest
Lol good article. Australia needs more psychos, rangas, bearded ladies... steal back those headlines