Could you imagine Kylie Minogue, during a particularly engaging segment of The Voice in which a contestant is knocking Rolling in the Deep out of the park, interrupting the performance to ask fellow coach will.i.am, “What do you make of the Blues’ chances in Origin 1?”
How about Simon Baker breaking the fourth wall just as The Mentalist‘s screenwriters are about to reveal who Red John is, dropping out of character to look straight down the lens and announce Thursday’s guest hosts on The Footy Show.
Or Sheldon and Blossom interrupting “the kiss that stopped a nation” on The Big Bang Theory to discuss how much they love the verbal interplay between Ray Warren and Phil Gould on Friday Night Football?
Actually, could you imagine anyone having that conversation?
All of these unlikely scenarios crossed my mind sometime around 10pm on Friday night when I was living through my own unlikely scenario – watching elite professional sport on delay in the early 21st Century.
As the Brisbane Broncos launched an attacking raid in the Gold Coast Titans’ end of the field during the evenly poised contest, Ray Hadley and the commentary team turned their attention to the pressing issue of Sunday night’s episode of The Voice. While this could’ve been handled via some brief lip service as the advertising banner appeared on the screen, Hadley instead engaged Gould in a discussion on which coach’s hand hovered over the buzzer in the most entertaining fashion.
Ricky Martin was the winner for those of you reading this who care, which I suspect is a similar figure to the number of New South Wales fans sad to see the back of Mitchell Pearce.
I’ve kindly shortlisted a number of more effective, less alienating ways than the above in which the Nine Network could market their flagship reality television product.
1. Door-to-door salespeople.
2. Cold call households at dinner time.
3. Drive through the streets with a loud hailer like Jake and Elwood in The Blues Brothers.
4. Send some student interns to the ABC to drop a banner behind Tony Jones and the Q&A panel.
5. Sponsor the Federal Budget announcement. You could even have the coaches up in the press gallery in their swivel chairs, ready to hit the red button and spin around if a new ‘not a new tax’ takes their fancy.
6. Capture gangs of disaffected suburban youths and take them to small cinemas, where they’re straitjacketed and strapped to a chair with their eyelids clamped open as re-runs of The Voice blind auditions play ad infinitum.
7. Telepathy.
Or perhaps even a tasteful watermark of The Voice logo sitting in the corner of the screen for the entirety of the broadcast, a clock counting down the hours, minutes and seconds until the next episode airs, might be a wiser strategy.
Channel Nine’s marketing types would no doubt point to my intimate knowledge of their programming schedule and be patting each other on the backs as they hop in their Maseratis, smug in the knowledge that they’ve hit another set of eyeballs without resorting to the Ludovico technique.
But is there any real value in force-feeding an audience something they’re not necessarily interested in when the focus should be on what they love? Some analyst has no doubt developed an algorithm which can determine just that, though I’d argue that the psyche of your average rugby league fan is more difficult to penetrate than advanced calculus.
What I do know is that rugby league commentators attempting to casually wax lyrical on entertainment programming is embarrassing for everyone involved.
And if Channel Nine must serve our NRL with a side helping of The Voice, at least get Dave Grohl in a coach’s swivel chair so we have a band worth watching come grand final day.
Andrew
Guest
Well, Channel 9 don't realise there is computers and smart phones everywhere! For example - the roar! On a Sunday, you know the FULLTIME score at half time on the internet. Does channel 7 do that?? Hell no! The channel 9 executives should get there heads out of the sand, or otherwise, people will turn on the computer and their smart phones.
Jackson Henry
Guest
And yet, he is still better than Hadley. As amazing as that is.
Robz
Guest
Well I never listen to Ray Hadley's commentary and refuse to watch delayed sports broadcasts, so don't have first had experience of what you describe; but I imagine it would be extremely annoying.
Col Quinn
Guest
Kris, did you have to mention that character’s name! Now for the rest of the day I will have visions of Kitty and Steedans. Must be this dose of the ‘flu I‘ve got! However, seriously, the 7 commentary team for the World Cup made the 9 team look like second rate burlesque comedians, including the flower in the lapel that squirts water.
Hutchoman
Roar Pro
Really? I struggle with Ginnane. My biggest gripe on that coverage is that they don't announce the score often enough.
casper
Guest
beause the other sport has a break every time they kick a goal to allow the flag guy to have fun, umpires to play relay races with a ball getting back to the centre & everybody getting a drink from their own drink waiter. AFL is made for commercial tv with it's regular breaks in play, not a criticism, just an observation. Remember Ch9 suggesting when they paid squillions for the tv rights that drop outs should have a 30 second delay so they could run advertisements. Trouble is, the players don't have the skills to get 30 drop outs in a game. Would be an advertisers nightmare if AFL was dominated by smothering defence and the game reverted to scores like 8 goals to 6. The problem with Gus & Ray is they think someone wants to actually hear the waffle they go on with. Gus is obsessed by NSW origin & needs a 'win' fix but then he'd never shut up. Ray is just a wannabe racecaller who's ok to listen to if gus is not around. Could be worse, Hadley could be doing the games & that would be enough to drive fans back to ABC radio.
Storm Boy
Guest
Watching on Friday night the Storm game just after kickoff he went on through a complete Storm set of six about the career of a footy legend that had passed away and i thought it was Gasnier which was fair enough but it turned out to be Haffey. About 15 minutes later he mentioned Gasnier very briefly.
Boomshanka
Guest
A $500.00 fine for premeditated street brawling with Gygnell. Such good value. I'm in!
Boomshanka
Guest
In Melbourne they show the league on their HD channel GEM only to turn down the bitrate come game time. Some friday nights, I end up turning the game off because it becomes that difficult to watch. Is it any wonder that vidoe refs get it so wrong if they are watching a poor pixalated replay. Four years ago to much fanfare, they simulcast SOO in HD and in 3D (just race out to Harvey Norman before the game). What happened there??
Boomshanka
Guest
Is that you Cameron Williams? Honestly every time I hear "the legend" or "the great" or "the voice of Rugby League" trotted out in front of Ray Warren's name it makes me cringe. Only to then hear Ray Warren rabbit on about "being free to air" (nothing is free with 9), "across the nation" or "broadcast live nationwide" (all while forgetting that South Australia is a part of the federation).
Andrew
Guest
Channel 9 do not do live feeds on a Sunday and not to mention, delayed feeds if you live in Queensland if Sydney's teams are playing. You get a cowboy, bronco or titan game. I have been following the eels for 37 years! Channel 9 are a joke - Packer should have belted Gyngell personally.
MikeTV
Guest
Darrel Eastlake was better than Ray Warren. But Andrew Voss is the best Rugby League commentator in Australia.
Slain
Guest
no one is better than Ray Warren....
Samuel Gates
Roar Pro
It sometimes works the other way when you're watching the nightly news or something like the Today Show. They throw to the sport guy to talk about some sporting event that happens to be on at 4:00am our time. The other hosts often then have to reply with awkward comments like, "gosh, can't wait to stay up and watch that one" or "what a thriller that will be, a must watch event." Everyone knows there's not a chance that host will be watching.
Matthew Buxton
Roar Pro
Yes! Get rid of that rubbish! Sometimes they're advertising for it and something important happens and its just annoying. What if an amazing play happened that would be on replay for years and the only audio is of the ch9 boys plugging the Voice?? Ridiculous
bobby
Guest
second rate trots callers...love it! so true. hadley third rate maybe
Josh Allerton
Roar Guru
Foxsports are finally showing their dominance in how they present a footy game compared to 9. HD and live broadcasting is the future, not this joke we call channel 9
Western fuglie
Guest
I think the cricket got away with it because of Ritchie's charm and because it's over a 4 day period.Rabs n Bolts have not an ounce of charm between them,2nd rate trots callers who bluffed their way into the big time.
Squidward
Roar Rookie
Yeah. He goes good. I'd like to see him on tv so he doesn't have to go on the radio excitement octave that it needs
Squidward
Roar Rookie
Origin on fox delay is commited to the anti 9 cause !