Where the fck is... Montserrat

The name Montserrat means ‘serrated mountain’. As the name suggests, the island is sharp-edged yet lofty; volcanic yet peaceful; picturesque yet inhabited by gigantic frogs.

Located in the Caribbean Sea, the hood ornament on the Commonwealth’s Mercedes, Montserrat is a land of sun, sand, and most of all, music. Around the world, everyone knows Montserrat as one of the places The Beach Boys wished to take an anonymous woman in the hit song Kokomo.

To this day “that Montserrat mystique” is known as a great way to make ageing white men attractive. Montserrat was also the location for the recording of classic albums by the Police, Dire Straits and Duran Duran – in fact in the 1980s the island was known as “the Synthesiser of the South Seas”. That is hopefully, if anyone was clever enough to think of that.

With a population of 5,164, Montserrat is quite capable, by itself, of forming a slightly underwhelming NRL crowd, and thus looms as one of the Commonwealth Games’ most underdoggy underdogs.

But it’s long been home to those who punch above their weight: the remarkable abolitionist and writer Olaudah Equiano was for a time a Montserratian, and Montserrat was the birthplace of soca superstar Alphonsus “Arrow” Cassell, who emulated Equiano by abolishing bad vibes with his song Hot Hot Hot. And of course Montserrat is home to Maizie Williams, notable for singing on none of Boney M’s hit records.

Montserrat is a volcanic island, both in geography and passions, but mostly in geography – in fact it is one of the few places in the world where you can observe an active volcano, if just pretending that the floor is lava doesn’t provide the thrill that it used to.

As one of the Leeward Islands, the country has a proud tradition of remaining leeward of things. If you go to Montserrat you may enjoy swimming with the manatees or getting the bulldog bat in your hair, but the most fascinating wildlife encounter may be with the giant ditch frog, known locally as ‘the mountain chicken’, due to its large size, the fact it is hunted for food, and just general confusion about what animals are.

Montserratian Sport
Being in the West Indies, it’s no surprise that Monsterrat has a passionate attachment to cricket. The island’s greatest sportsman was Jim Allen, who played for the West Indies in World Series Cricket and in the early 70s was considered a more exciting batsman than Leeward Islands teammate Viv Richards. He was then, a bit later, considered a less exciting batsman than Leeward Islands teammate Viv Richards. Allen retired in 1984 but many experts believe that if he hadn’t, he may have played for longer. The first Monsterratian Test cricketer was Lionel Baker, who is one of the very few players to have taken a catch on debut to dismiss Tim McIntosh for 34 in Dunedin.

Montserrat at the Commonwealth Games
Making its debut at the 1994 games in Victoria, Montserrat quickly established itself as a valued member of the CG family. Having won, so far, no medals, they have nevertheless made valuable contributions in terms of village morale and interesting anecdotes about Sir George Martin.

Also, the Glasgow 2014 website notes that Monserrat’s failure to win a medal “isn’t for lack of trying”, distinguishing the tiny nation from those countries that, frankly, don’t try and never have. You know who I mean. All respected Commonwealth Games pundits have a good feeling about Glasgow 2014 for Montserrat, believing the serrated mountain is set to slice through the opposition and carve off a nice juicy slab of glory for itself this year.

National Flower/Crustacean Part
The Lobster Claw.

Size:
Montserrat weighs in at a mighty 101 square kilometres, one of the smallest competing at the Games

This article was first published on Tenplay here.