Sydney, February 22, 2025 – oh, what a day. I have to say I hadn’t attended a match like that for quite some time, and no, not just because we hadn’t had a Super Rugby team since the ARU went broke four years ago.
No, it was just an awesome, entertaining and fun game to watch from the terraces. Even without the scrums. I thought I would miss them, the scrums, but I actually didn’t.
No resets, no time wasted, the new jerseys, the music pumping during the match, the live bands between each quarters, the cheerleaders during the TV timeout. Brilliant.
Having four 15-minute quarters is definitely the best format for rugby. It’s sharp, slick and fast and just gives the spectators an ‘action packed’ game, as the Pepsi stadium speaker said with his funny American accent.
But my favourite new rule is the ‘three seconds time bomb’. What a brilliant idea. Players can’t keep the ball in their hands for more than three seconds, they have to pass it or kick it. ‘If you keep it you’re in the bin, if you know what I am saying’, the speaker blares during the game, love it.
Then there’s two minutes in the bin if you infringe – that’s the penalty – but you can save yourself if you take the ‘redeem kick’ on offer: a 50-metre penalty kick from the sideline to take within 20 seconds. If you convert it you stay on the field but if you miss you’re out for five minutes.
When Roger Jackson converted his yesterday we were all on our feet high-fiving each other, it was awesome. Jackson is our best player, got drafted by our Telstra ‘Tahs last June. Such a player! I mean he still gets mixed up with the old rules that still pollute the modern game but overall he has been doing very well. Plus there aren’t many old rules left anyway so even NFL players like him adapt quickly.
We still have a few Aussies in the team, mainly Big Bash League players who want to stay fit during the off-season, but it’s all good, stays in the family and all. No way we were going to sell out and become ‘a product’. We knew we had to change but we wanted to stay true to ourselves – ‘keep it real’ as we all say these days.
That’s what the new WRA president – Wild Rugby Association, SANZAR got broke too, corruption allegations and all meant they had to dissolve – said when he announced he was giving us a new franchise last year:
“Sydney, Australia, you still have a role to play and money to bring to the WRA in today’s rugby market. The rugby world has changed, the rules have changed and so will you. The 12 marquee players from the USA and Canada will help you field a competitive team because we don’t want no deadwood in our championship.
“But we know you Australians love your home grown talents and we respect that. So the Telstra ‘Tahs can have up to eight local guys in their squad of 35. And yes, that’s from any sport if you know what I am sayin’, your funny baseball included!”
Wow, what a relief that was when Mourad Boudjellal made this announcement, still have goose bumps just thinking about it. Boudjellal is the best thing that could have happened to Super Rugby. The Yanks who got into Super Rugby in 2019 after another expansion paid him a fortune to leave Toulon and Bath in 2021. To repay them the Frenchman learnt English in no time and already speaks it like a proper American.
It’s the first time ever two clubs from the same owner played in three European Cup finals in a row, Toulon versus Bath. The man is a legend. He didn’t know much about rugby when he started but he knows how to run a business, that’s what matters these days. Unfortunately, as always, some got jealous, rumours of corruption arose, there were betting scandals and the man had to go. Boudjellal is still persona non grata in France but is no longer on Interpol’s wanted list. He cleaned his name, all legit now, good man. The WRA were the luckiest bastards on this planet to get him, I’m telling you all.
The Frenchman loves Australia, that’s why he gave us a franchise so quickly. He always jokes that he has employed so many Aussies during his years at Toulon that Australia owes him big time. What a smart and classy man. Some say he finished Australian rugby off in the late 2010s but I don’t think so. Anyway, that was a long time ago, and as he said: “let’s start with a clean slate shall we?”.
Plus we better be on his better side anyway as he is a ruthless businessman, which the Asians recently found out. He sure wasn’t as magnanimous and generous with the new franchises from Hong Kong, Singapore and Shangai as he was with us: they could only field three locals in their teams.
“Show me Asian players can sell merchandise first, then we will talk”, that’s what he said at the press conference.
Harsh words but you can’t disagree with that. That’s why he initially brought in American and Jamaican players who didn’t even know the rules. Thing is they all had over three million followers on Twitter. Winners are grinners, smart move Mourad.
So yes, rugby is changing but it’s still rugby.
Plus we had no choice anyway, it was embrace change or stay away from rugby. The ARU was broke, all our players were overseas and the Wallabies hadn’t qualified to the 2023 Rugby World Cup, so we said ‘ok, where do we sign monsieur‘.
The 2023 Rugby World Cup. That was tough to watch, I mean a rugby World Cup without Australia, who would have thought? Sure, there were some players who were born here involved with other teams, we also had two refs and three coaches but it’s not the same, I mean they didn’t wear the green and gold did they?
Great tournament though, the new rules meant we had plenty of interception tries, which is what us rugby connoisseurs want. Wow, the game is so fast these days, I love it. The final was a classic, too. It was the first ever French win over the All Blacks in a Rugby World Cup final. The players couldn’t sing La Marseillaise – some had been naturalised the month before the World Cup and didn’t have time to learn it – but they won the whole thing. Zarakeshvili, Makaridze, Mariceanu, Johnson, Smith, Latu, Moleana, Van der Merwe, Naragaci, Sileni Sileni, what a team, French flair and all, best Bleus side ever!
I will never forget captain Le Roux’s tears after game. Dewald Le Roux, moustache and blue blazer, has seen it all and after six and half years in France he is the most French of all, loves rabbit stew and wild boar paté.
“It tastes like Kudu” he once said about wild boar paté, with his still very pretorian sense of humour. Well, the big man couldn’t back his tears during the ceremony. Yes, still plenty of emotion in today’s rugby.
Oh I love our new game. The best days are still ahead of us, no question.
Marlins Tragic
Guest
NOS, just a quicky here, in Japan all the teams are "owned" by the companies, that's why they were chanting a brand name & not the suburb if you will, it's a company based league. It's been that way for 20 or more years.
Kia Kaha
Roar Guru
NOS, the absinthe fumes came wafting out of this article and sent me into a world of tangerine trees and marmelade skies. Serge Blanco, in the form of an elephant seal, came sidling up to me and asked me if I liked this new form of the sport. I said I preferred it when you had human form, Serge. He scoffed at me and burped up a foul black slimy substance that turned into a black shirt with the Nike label, coq au vin and the Euro currency on it.
Geoff Parkes
Expert
Thanks NOS, enjoyed that. With bobsledding on the decline in Jamiaca nowadays we should see some quality rugby players start to flow through their system soon!
jeznez
Roar Guru
Nice one Nick. No scrums though? That is when I go and found a new sport called 5 Metre Ball: 8 a side 'kick-offs' are either 5 metre scrums or lineouts Only options are to scrum or set a driving maul post lineout. A referee feeds the scrums to ensure they are finally straight All ex refs are former tight five and are allowed to drink while controlling the game
Gary Russell-Sharam
Guest
Well written article NOS with just a tad of truth woven into it to make is slightly scary. You have some literary skills my friend. Oh it makes my heart shake with fear that rugby may be this way in the future. However i look back to when I was first involved in early 70s and see how much rugby has changed since then, that's when I get scared of what it may become. Small things that I note that have changed, crowds used to be silent when kickers kicked for goal no matter if it was the opposition or the home side, sadly not the case these days. Hoopla is everywhere where it used not to be. We gently applauded when someone scored a try. and said "jolly good try old chap" in our patched tweed coats in the members section. Ah those were the days!!!!! Ballymore was the place to be to watch rugby and to be a member was a special thing. Not any more. These are examples of how much rugby has changed and that's why I found a sliver of truth and fact, not fiction in your article.
nickoldschool
Roar Guru
Thanks for reading guys! Still the off season so that was my attempt at a gloomy satire, how Oz and world rugby could look like in 10 years time if things go 'global', how rugby supporters will be etc... Pretty it sure it won't be 'that' bad but the narrator/roarer of 2025 that I created may not be too far from the reality. In the 40 odd years I have been on this planet I have seen so much changes in rugby that I didn't see coming that I know think anything is possible. 80s: the French 1st division had anything between 40 and 80 clubs mostly villages in it, the FFR president had to be someone from the heartland, from the south west, there was no rwc, no European cups, no professionalism, no one spoke English, there was no entertainment other than the match itself on game day etc. In the SH, there was no super rugby, no franchises, no talk about expanding let alone 'looking at new markets'. Rugby was run by rugby ppl. In 2015, business ppl run the show, elite rugby is the panacea for all 'rugby disorders', expansion is a word most supporters use every time they talk rugby. A business man who was into football, league or afl can switch to rugby at any time, can buy a club, lead a federation or world rugby organisation. We talk 'bids' and franchises, are no longer shocked by players changing allegiances (am talking national jersey). Spent some time in japan recently and was shocked by a crowd screaming the name of the sponsor (DO-CO-MO) to encourage their team. That's 2015 and teams are already called Docomo Red Hurricanes or Coca Cola west red sparks etc. No one really knew where their team was based, there was no sense of belonging, no tribalism etc. Everything was well rehearsed. Super Rugby opening up to Asia and, perhaps, north America, I have no doubt we are slowly but surely getting there. The only thing I know is that I wont be the narrator in my article, high fiving fellow supporters! :)
Digby
Roar Guru
Me too ;) Still a good read mate.
Johnno
Guest
nos funny article,maybe the French will dominate the wallabies, who knows why not have Frenchman in the wallabies, as we poach everywhere else. We have had one Matt Giteau, and Richie Benaud the cricket player. More players will paint and make love the typical French thing. But what did get me going a bit was the 15-min quarter idea. Don't laugh but you could be onto something there. It would turn rugby more into a power game, and maybe kill off set pieces, but what would be interesting would be quarter RUGBY with maybe only 2 interchanges etc. It would be fast and furious, and please the networks to make ad money.A lot of commercials, I can see rugy union and rugby league moving to Quarters, the tv networks want it $, make more money. Cricket's great strength has been it's rests after every over, they can sneak in a 30-second ad, that's why cricket gets so much money from advertising, coz of overs.
moaman
Guest
Nic! Entertaining but; Rugby 2025---Étre dans le pétrin---and sans moi I'm afraid!
Hell Nick, not sure what you are on, but you are scaring me :lol:
Harry Jones
Expert
Magnifique! I want some wild boar pâté