Flying coach on an open ticket

Samuel Langhorne Clemens wrote some fine adventurous tales, but nobody would make the connection with Tom Sawyer or Huckleberry Finn.

Such a cumbersome name could never fit on a front cover so little wonder he went with the snappier Mark Twain. Although it was Rudyard Kipling who came up with the expression, you could say Clemens and the famous author were separate entities and never the twain shall meet.

Twain was an avid traveller. He started off in his homeland, heading out by stagecoach into the wilderness and ending up as far west as the delicious-sounding Sandwich Islands, now known as Hawaii.

His experiences in Europe and the Middle East had a profound effect on him. He was moved to comment: “Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry and narrow-mindedness. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one’s lifetime.”

Recent research has made the link between travel and greater creativity. When confronted with a foreign environment, cognitive flexibility increases and the ability to make deep connections between disparate forms is enhanced. The key critical process is multicultural engagement, immersion and adaptation.

Little wonder, therefore, that our resident Roarer, Biltongbek – in between trying out different mood-light settings for optimum yellowfin tuna consumption – is advocating the appointment of a foreign coach.

How best to deal with the internal politics and conservative streak that stifle South African rugby? Simply by appointing someone who is removed from those elements. What about a foreign triumvirate of John Mitchell, Carlos Spencer and Eddie Jones?

When you look around the rugby landscape, it seems many unions have cottoned on to this way of thinking. Or in the case of Scotland, they appear to have cottoned on to the fact that the ability to differentiate one’s own beliefs and values is tied up in the richness of the cultural experiences that one has.

Although a foreign coach has never become a World Cup winner, it doesn’t appear to have dissuaded many unions from hiring a foreign coach. There are six New Zealand-born coaches leading other nations at the World Cup – Warren Gatland (Wales), Joe Schmidt (Ireland), Vern Cotter (Scotland), Milton Haig (Georgia), John McKee (Fiji) and Kieran Crowley (Canada).

Other foreign imports have made very notable contributions. Eddie Jones’s Japan side secured an historic win against the Springboks. We’ve all seen the wonders Mario Ledesma has brought to the Wallaby scrum. Criticise the man all you like but the rugby renegade that is Jake White sure knows how to chalk up wins.

Which leads me to consider, given that we are in the middle of a global tournament, what would be my wishlist in terms of foreign coaches at the helm of the teams currently involved in the Rugby World Cup.

Wales
Let’s start by shifting round some of the existing foreign coaches. We’ve all seen Warrenball and we all have an opinion on Gatland as a coach. The third Lions Test in Australia showed what he’s capable of getting his team to play if he provides enough attacking license.

But I’d be interested in seeing what the Chiefs brain trust of Wayne Smith and Dave Rennie could do with the Welsh outfit and whether they could replicate the success of their Super franchise.

Fiji
Fiji haven’t looked that bad in their set piece. What’s let them down has been their defence. Gatland can bring along his underrated English sidekick, Shaun Edwards, and see if he can plug those gaps.

Moreover, Gatland likes using his big men to get over the advantage line. Well let’s just give him some really big men across the park and see what he can come up with.

Italy
Jamie Jospeh took a while but he turned his ragtag-fugitive-fleet side into champions. Sergio Parisse may baulk at that description, and Italy may have avoided the wooden spoon in recent times by claiming some noteworthy scalps, but I’d love to see what steel he could add to the Italian pack and what flair he could bring to the back line.

Ireland
Joe Schmidt is an innovator but he has often got Ireland playing within itself. The Six Nations saw the offload shut down to power up the breakdown.

Let’s take it to the other extreme. Let’s see Eddie Jones and his assessment of this Irish side and compare the strengths he wishes to emphasise. Will he be more adventurous in the backs?

Australia
Australia might have mixed feelings to seeing yet another Kiwi coach, but similar to the previous point, I’d be very much interested to see what Schmidt could bring to Wallaby rugby and where his point of attack would be.

This man is very good at singling out areas of weakness to attack and selecting the right players to do the job required of them. Would his selections, therefore, be different to Michael Cheika’s?

Manu Samoa
Cheika, of course, is no stranger to innovation himself. His selection of Hooper and Pocock is evidence of that.

One thing he brought to his Waratahs was aggression and intimidation. Well where else in the world to bring power and aggression to the fore than the Manu Samoan team? Big hits and straight running. This could be a delightfully explosive combination.

England
England are often accused of playing ten-man rugby. Typically these comments coincide with England’s peaks rather than troughs. Why not show the world, then, how it’s really done with Jakeball?

The man knows how to assess a team and mold them into a winning side. It may not be pretty but it certainly is effective. Clive Woodward needed a couple of seasons to find his core of players but Jake can do it in just the one. That’s all he has time for before he starts his next overseas assignment.

France
The French can be maddeningly erratic. One day, they lose to Tonga in a World Cup pool, the next they’re one missed penalty kick away from claiming the World Cup.

Why not embrace that enigmatic side with rugby’s most enigmatic coach: Peter de Villiers. The French would warm to him immediately. His boyish good looks instantly conjure up the obscure but devilishly compelling film interpretation by Sidney Poitier of Thomas Magnum. They wouldn’t understand a word he said but we never really did either, so nothing lost there.

It is argued that de Villiers inherited a talented side and slowly but surely undermined it. Whether that may be the case or not, who can deny that de Villiers is the perfect candidate for reinforcing and redefining the enigma that is French rugby?

Scotland
Steve Hansen and Graham Henry did not enjoy the success they achieved with New Zealand when they coached Wales. This gives rise to the theory that even a village idiot could coach the All Blacks and they would win. When it comes to New Zealanders coaching village idiots, much like the French play and film The Dinner Game, we quickly find out who is the biggest village idiot of them all.

Well let’s settle this once and for all. Scotland are supreme underachievers so let’s Test their coaching credentials and reunite this former duo and they can show us what they’re truly made of.

New Zealand
With Steve Hansen out, let’s really Test this theory that anyone can coach the All Blacks and they’ll still win. Enter the fray, Richard Graham. Through his Italian connections, John Kirwan can be your assistant coach.

You start off with 92 ranking points. Let’s see if they can close out lunch with 72 or achieve the seemingly impossible and increase New Zealand’s ranking.

Argentina
Johnathan Kaplan likes to chip in with his view on referee rulings. Unfortunately, this never applied to his own refereeing when he was still involved.

Nick Mallett has been in the coaching wilderness for quite some time since he coached Italy but is not shy about expressing an opinion on rugby matters when asked.

Under Mallett, the Springboks accumulated 17 consecutive victories but his disastrous move of openside flanker Mauro Bergamasco to halfback undermined his previous achievements. Does this man have what it takes? He can take the impressive Lions coach, Johan Ackermann, and with a very useful side we can see if Mallett’s capable of turning them into world beaters.

It’s by no means an exhaustive list. I’ve missed out a few teams competing at this World Cup so feel free to add to the list or make changes to my own coaching appointments.

Here at The Roar, there is a nice blend of nationalities and allegiances. We don’t always get along and we might have our blow-ups.

But by listening to other opinions, we are more informed about our own team. We might not like what we hear at times or we may vehemently disagree, but just like the coaching intellectual property being shared around, we as rugby citizens in this global village are the better for these shared ideas.