Australians are a passionate, overzealous and often reactionary group of people defined by a devil-may-care attitude. We are a nation built on decisions made from the heart with scant regard to any input offered from the head.
These are fantastic qualities. They make life interesting, we should embrace them.
Given this, what the hell has happened to our nation’s collective psyche in the lead-up to the World Cup final?
This is our biggest sporting moment since Elton Flatley displayed ‘balls as big as a house’ to damn near kick us to glory in the 2003 final and we’ve gone into our shell.
Gone is both our irrational confidence and perceived cockiness, having instead been replaced with trepidation and logical well thought-out arguments.
Scan the millions of comments filling up blog posts in the lead-up to the game and you will find Australians the world over signing off with the old ‘my heart says Australia but my head says New Zealand’.
What the hell is this? When did we start thinking like, dare I say it… the English?
It seems as a nation we fell into the trap of believing the New Zealand marketing department. What’s with the new trend to label the team ‘The Darkness’, and why are we as Australian’s buying into this tripe?
This my friends, is marketing madness being consumed by an unwitting public.
I have a lot of Kiwi mates, we all do, and let’s be honest – there’s nothing mystical or special about the buggers.
One of my Kiwi mates, when confronted by a two foot black snake was so petrified he attacked it with fly spray.
Another mate nearly burnt his girlfriend’s parents’ house down after simultaneously trying to bridge the dangerous gap between cooking pork chops and catching a few winks.
Does this sound like a race of people we need to be particularly worried about?
Kiwis are just less attractive, more boring versions of ourselves. Good blokes for sure, but hardly scary.
Putting all this All Black/Darkness shit to one side, look at the bare facts and tell me
why we can’t win this weekend?
Even the most ardent New Zealand supporter would have to agree that this iteration of the All Blacks peaked two years ago. Richie McCaw, Kieran Read, Dan Carter et al will never find the heights they did through 2012-13.
Yes, the Kiwis have a modicum of success against us in the past, however this Australian team is something else. You think David Pocock, Michael Hooper and Scott Fardy give a tinker’s cuss about past achievements?
The 2015 Wallabies approach every game like Walter Plummer approaches a wildlife safari.
While they already have a few scalps on the mantle in the form of a rose, dragon, thistle and puma rest assured the team remain focused on the King of the Jungle, the fabled Kiwi.
For those looking for more analytic insights as proof we will win, get this into you – our scrum is better than theirs. Don’t question it, it just is (although let’s not talk about the lineout).
More importantly the All Blacks again demonstrated clear signs of their patented World Cup panic and clouded decision making during the semi-final against the Springboks. The formerly reliable Jerome Kaino booting the ball from the wrong side of the ruck was a cry for help if ever I have seen one.
Alleged expert pundits have lauded the performance of Carter but have you ever witnessed a more conservative, staid performance from the No.10?
Let’s be honest, the Springboks threw nothing at the All Blacks. Their decision to pick and drive from 90 metres out with a minute on the clock was testament to their inability to create.
To beat Japan’s bunnies by only two points is a concern heading into a game with the battle hardened men from Australia.
That underlying fear of failure is well and truly embedded within the Kiwis come cup time and I’ll bet your pound to my dollar that Michael Cheika has a red hot plan to bring it to the surface.
So instead of worrying about this mystical beast known as ‘The Darkness’, embrace the week.
We’re Australians – we rise when least expected. We love a big stage.
Rest easy in the knowledge that our boys have got this one covered.
And on the off chance they don’t, at least we can sleep knowing that we have the skills to knock over a two foot black snake.
‘Carn the mighty Wallabies!
Mike Huber
Roar Pro
Richard . You are funny and very self deprecating , my sort of humour ! I am retiring to bed for sleep unfortunately - remember readers, life's either a comedy or a tragedy..........take your fu.kin. choice ?
CA3ZAR
Roar Pro
I agree
Hertryk
Guest
So instead of worrying about this mystical beast known as ‘The Darkness’, embrace the week. Join in the GOLD FOR GLORY revolution.. Stand up and be counted.. Wear your Gold with Pride...where ever you may be.. I find it unbelievable to be the sole wearer of the Gold Scarf down St Georges Tce... (Perth) True the media hasn't helped much.. so COME ALL WALLABY PASSIONATE COMMITTED supporters lets do our own advertising, and show EVERYONE who we are.. Wear your Gold for GLORY..let it shine... ARE YOU WITH ME??? GO WALLABIES!!!
rebel
Guest
Kaino knew exactly what he was doing.
rebel
Guest
That is funny, I thought I said there is no aura, that it was built up by their opponents only to be talked about as not existing by the same people. Also I, like many others,have often said that I enjoy all responses to the haka and that it is not sacred. What truly is hilarious and even more funny is someone thinking that a couple of posters on the Roar represents the entire kiwi public, then ironically goes on about neurosis and a superiority complex talking down an entire nation. At least we agree on this point, there is no mystical brilliance to the AB’s they are just a very good rugby nation.
Ralph
Roar Guru
Top work Richard; an Aussie without Strut is like a goat without a party frock!
Richard Payne
Roar Pro
Haha you're not a lawyer are you? Talk about poetic license - 'He wasn't even aware he had kicked it as it had shot out of the ruck'. In the words of Kevin07 'Fair shake of the sauce bottle mate'
Dsat24
Guest
Pretty much defines poetic licence there Richard. If the main point is having peaked 2 years ago how come the win loss count doesnt bare that out. Kaino 'cry for help' meeerrrd. He wasnt even aware he had kicked it as it had shot out of the ruck.
Richard Payne
Roar Pro
Well said RT - my thoughts exactly!
Great WC
Guest
Interesting approach... Biased, subjective and more than a little desperate... That's the Australian way.
Geoff Parkes
Expert
Richard, I think you mean Walter Palmer, but very amusing all the same. Cheers.
RT
Guest
Hilarious and even more funny is the early reaction from our puzzled kiwi posters. Does anyone else detect a level of neurosis bubbling it's way to the surface? Caught between the secure knowledge that the article is both tongue in cheek and myth busting. The Kiwis work so hard to build up the myth. The NZ psyche is so attached to a superiority complex revolving around the fact they have, for a relatively small country, a very good rugby team. In some way it is supposed to reflect on the relative merits of manlihood of each nation. I love the confected outrage when someone supposedly disrespects the haka or the manic defence of any criticism. Does anyone else find it even mildly amusing that any objective or even subjective criticism of NZ play, particularly Richie macaw, is met with such vehement and aggressive defenc? It's as if the entire kiwi public is afraid that by letting such statements stand, even on an Australian rugby website, they will become accepted and that just can't happen. Their is no mystical brilliance to the AB's they are just a very good rugby nation. In fact they're a very good sporting nation who punch well above there weight. Beautiful place, generally nice to visit, a little cold sometimes and a bit to serious about their rugby (on occasion).
Rebel
Guest
Not sure if you sound 100% convinced. I love how people twist themselves inside out saying the aura has gone etc. Thats right, the aura never existed, you lot created it. ABs just go out to be the best they can be and try to win every match. I feel this is where Wallaby sides have fallen down in the past also as they built something up in their head then tried to convince themselves they have overcome it. Now however with Cheika I don't see that anymore. They are focussed internally, not externally. That is why I feel they are more dangerous.
Digby
Roar Guru
Haha, very good Richard, enjoyed that. Perhaps you 'more attractive fellows' are a bit spooked aye? ;) Anyhow, I reckon I would be more inventive when confronted by a snake, maybe a lighter and can of deodorant? :D Enjoy the game and come on the Darkness!
Ka Mate
Guest
It never ceases to amaze me how out of touch with reality Aussies can be when they realize they are in the "deep end" of the pool and in panic mode. Put your big boy pants on and front up to the best rugby team in the world. If the competeition on Saturday is for the most vocal BS then I concede, Australia wins!
Not Bothered
Guest
NZ by 8. As for the "bunnies" jibe. According to Digger the Japan, Arg, Ireland, Australia and Wales losses over the last 12 months were all just because they were concerntrating on NZ...who they lost to twice.
ThugbyFan
Guest
Richard cobber, I don't know what the weed is that you been smoking, but I sure as hell like it. A fair dinkum reflection of the outcome for Sunday morning's match; 50 points? That's a minimum!. The mighty battle-hardened warriors from West Auckland (Australia, namely Bondi and beyond) will FLOG the pensioners brigade posing as MIB. Too bad, a couple of their players were pretty good last decade, nah! last century, nah! should I say last millennium. And true to form, TM and the bros rock up, hoping their man, one N.Owens, may keep the score difference less than 20 with his pedantic whistling. As you so succinctly pointed out per se: "Yes, the Kiwis have a modicum of success against us in the past", but even the dinosaurs got bumped off. So on Monday morning the kiwi boys will trudge off with despairing hearts, to Social Services to fill out their pension forms as the Men in Gold sing our anthem to them "Four more years, Boys!" Ummmmmm, is that optimistic enough? :)
taylorman
Roar Guru
Yeah agree biltong, amongst others. What a weird attempt at humour. Not even sure the ozzies will get it. At least this refs less likely to give them another early Christmas pressie, they've had their quota with draws and decisions. Now they need to earn it...themselves.. :-)
"To beat Japan’s bunnies by only two points is a concern heading into a game with the battle hardened men from Australia." :D