It was a fitting modern twist that kick-off for the 135th edition of the FA Cup final was delayed by a grammatically-challenged rapper and a reality TV contestant who couldn’t sing.
Not content with trashing the tradition of a 3pm kick-off four years ago, this year the hapless Football Association decided the last thing fans wanted to see on Cup final day was some football.
Thus TV viewers across the globe were subjected to the karaoke stylings of one Tinie Tempah, whose shambolic performance was the first in a series of pre-match disasters which culminated in kick-off for one of the world’s most watched matches being delayed.
Fortunately for our man Tempah, his irrelevant pre-game warbling was soon forgotten when a former X-Factor contestant missed her cue to sing the national anthem.
Could you blame her? With both sets of supporters doing their utmost to generate some old-fashioned atmosphere, stadium authorities responded by turning the Public Announcement system up to ear-splitting volumes.
If there’s one thing the FA appears determined to stamp out, it’s a football-like atmosphere breaking out among the cheap seats at Wembley.
That no doubt explains why seats on half-way are always empty five minutes before half-time and 15 minutes into the second half.
With any luck, soon the majority of corporate seats will be permanently empty – with the most valued customers defiantly embracing the future by watching the match on TVs inside the stadium.
Mind you, here I am bagging the catastrophe that was the 2016 FA Cup final when I didn’t even watch the game live.
I thought I’d get the jump on Optus and start watching English football the way most of us will next season – on delay.
Since I was out in the Queensland countryside on the night – it was lovely, thanks for asking – I figured I might as well watch the replay on ESPN the following afternoon.
While I just about managed to avoid seeing the score, I sadly also avoided Martin Tyler’s unsurpassed commentary on SBS.
Taking his place were resident ESPN commentators Mark Donaldson and ex-Liverpool defender Steve Nicol, who quickly earned points in my book by slamming the farcical pre-match entertainment.
Nicol then proceeded to bemoan a truly diabolical decision from referee Mark Clattenburg, who for no discernible reason denied Crystal Palace striker Connor Wickham the advantage when Manchester United defender Chris Smalling tried to pull him down.
Wickham went on to score – against an already-halted United defence, it must be said – and for whatever inexplicable reason, Clattenburg made the exact same mistake just before half-time.
It’s a good thing the referee wasn’t photographed joking around with former United manager Sir Alex Ferguson before the game! Oh wait, he was.
On and on it went, the two teams frustrated by their apparent lack of footballing ability, until Palace substitute Jason Puncheon unexpectedly lashed home the opener with 12 minutes remaining.
That sparked an impromptu and ill-advised celebratory dance from Palace manager Alan Pardew, who was soon back in his place when one of the few players on the pitch possessing genuine international class, Wayne Rooney, set up Juan Mata for the equaliser.
All that was left was for United to nick an undeserved extra-time winner – cue Jesse Lingard – and next season we can look forward to the Red Devils making another early exit from the Europa League all over again.
It was hard to watch Palace skipper Mile Jedinak suffer defeat in such a manner, although to be honest Marouane Fellaini got the better of the Socceroos enforcer all day.
Jedinak will get to square up to English opposition all over again when Australia takes on England at the Stadium of Light on Saturday morning AEST.
No doubt the rendition of God Save The Queen will be spot on this time, but sadly, nothing could save the 2016 FA Cup final.
Bondy
Guest
Fuss Yes I watched the FA cup then flicked over to the Italian cup I found the Italian game to be quite cunning or cagey ,the Italians could be a cheeky chance in the Euro's this summer ...
HardcorePrawn
Roar Guru
I met a bloke recently who had been involved with one of the other acts that appeared at that AFL Grand Final. Apparently it wasn't a lack of rehearsal that affected Meatloaf's performance, but rather what he'd been consuming (in quantities that shocked the other musicians present) prior to taking to the stage. I'll say no more...
Kyle
Guest
Funny, with the exception of actually crossing the ball - and a DeGea goalkick - I can't remember even once when Utd resorted to "hoofing the ball to Fellaini".
Onside
Guest
Louis Van Gone
Simoc
Guest
Milan mostly dominated but missed their chances. It was play safe soccer with a couple of obviously more skilful players thrown in. Better control but not very entertaining football. Meatloaf played at the AFL Grand final here once and was worse than hopeless. It happens when they take shortcuts in rehearsal.
AZ_RBB
Guest
The Pokal final was by no means a classic but the standard of football on show particularly from Bayern was staggering. I spent half the game ooh-ing and aah-ing at some of the spectacular plays the Bavarian geniuses were pulling off. Thomas Muller is a player of stupendous ability!! The way they're able the work the ball out of defence is mind blowing. I watch a lot of football and very rarely see a team play with such ease. But Dortmund defended like their lives depended on it. Sokratis put on a performance for the ages which should not be remembered for his penalty miss. This Weigl kid can really play as well The pro-rel play-offs between Frankfurt and Nurnberg finish this week too. Keep an eye out for that!
AZ_RBB
Guest
I rarely recall Rooney being an out and out striker. He has been known for a long time to be the type to try and cover every blade of grass often to his own undoing. He is loved in England for that reason exactly. They love the work horse types. A few years ago he could win the ball in midfield and have the pace to be a goal threat but he doesn't anymore. I think he is capable of playing the midfield support role really well. He did exactly that on the weekend. But I worry some of the Euro matches will be too high tempo for him to keep up.
AZ_RBB
Guest
No I don't mean to say they are no. 1 and 2 in Europe. But I think both could sneak into the top 25. That's a very elite group.
Peter Cotton
Guest
I have to agree with you Mike, I also thought the whole show was a mediocre affair. I am surprised no one has discussed Puncheon's goal. Superbly struck, into a gap wide enough to drive a London double decker bus through! In reverse gear! The replay will not be in any of De Gea's "greatest moments" videos. To me, the play was somewhat "flat" for most of the match, and deserving of the "mediocre" tag. The same tag also applies to Clattenburg's refereeing. And I stayed up to watch it live. First (and last) time since the later kick off. But that's just me. Each to his/her own.
The Phantom Commissioner
Roar Rookie
English play offs this week too? They are always great to watch with so much at stake, would like to see Sheffield Wednesday get back in the big time.
Mark
Guest
It really is a relic of past times that the FA Cup Final is included in our anti-siphoning list of 'nationally significant' sporting events. Even the English don't care that much any more.
Fadida
Guest
I won't shout down an opinion based on who holds it Fuss. That is the difference
HardcorePrawn
Roar Guru
FA Cup final tickets are difficult to get hold of, the prices are exorbitant, and my club have only managed to get there twice in my lifetime (1973, when I was only 3, and 1992, when I couldn't get out of work on a Saturday) so I've never attended a final, and therefore can't vouch for what else goes on before kick-off. However, when I was a kid the match was usually shown on both major TV channels and they'd start the build-up to the game early in the morning: an It's a Knockout FA Cup special, hours of reports from both towns/cities of the competing clubs, kids TV shows with a cup final theme, interviews with celebrity fans... It's a bit strange looking back and recalling how much of a big deal it was back then.
Fadida
Guest
Likewise. I can only imagine that while I slept a code war broke out and the Ed had to chop out the gangrenous part? I know MF and Fuss were having words. I assume it went something like this... "Egg ballers should go back to their own tab" "Sockah is boring" "I watched some of the AFL on the weekend (even though I haven't watched a game for 10 years) and it was seagulls/hot chips" "SMELL THE FEAR" At this point I'm assuming Horto then waded in aggressively? Was I right??
Mark
Guest
After Andrea Bocelli at Leicester, no pre-match 'entertainment' at this weekend's cup finals was ever going to come close.
nickoldschool
Guest
You're more magnanimous than I am HP! Have always struggled with cheerleaders, 'kiss cam', loud music or any kind of entertainment thrown at us before or during a game. I just don't get it. I think the yanks are good at it and I would expect (and perhaps even 'enjoy') it if I were to attend a NFL game but I don't want that in a euro stadium. In oz, I guess it's a bit of a mixed bag. Aussies can 'outfake' the us when it comes to plastic comps and crowds (BBL, sevens rugby, exhibition games etc) and there is def a public for that here, but they can also be low key and appreciate the sport for what it is. You just have to pick your game wisely I guess. Do you guys have (or used to have) a FA cup final curtain raiser? As far as I can remember we have always had the coupe gambardella final which is the u19 cup before the main act. That's probably the reason why the organisers do not pollute the cup final with a bloke wearing sunnies at 9pm and a white suit, pheeeww!
Fussball IUL
Roar Rookie
Totally agree Bondy. I switched to Coppa Italia straight after the FA Cup and found the match to be very good quality and, surprisingly, played at a higher intensity to the English Cup match. Both matches thoroughly enjoyable. I didn't watch the Copa Del Rey, or DFB Pokal. Caught a bit of the Scottish Cup final towards the end - Hibs making it another football fairy-tale for 2016. Good luck to the (mythical) multi-sports fans. I couldn't keep up with the smorgasbord offered by football last weekend.
jupiter53
Roar Pro
I'm with you. Sophisticated skills and tactics, I found it engrossing.
jupiter53
Roar Pro
I watched the FA Cup Final and the Italian Cup Final. I don't quite get why you are saying that "the quality of Italian football is really quite poor" if you are basing it on that game. I do understand that the money is not in Italy any more, and so the stars are not in Italy any more - these days the talk is about where Pogba and Morata will go, rather than who Juve will but to go with them. And Italian clubs did not do well in Europe this year. However they have smart players, and smart coaches. I thought the Italian final was an engrossing game, with the general level of skill significantly higher than the FA Cup final. And it was tactically interesting, with Milan managing to largely neutralise Juve's attack, but not quite having the quality to finish the many chances they made. I watched the FA Cup Final wondering whether Mile could manage to get his Palace team over the line. However much of the play was frustratingly inept [was was the refereeing - no understanding of advantage], leavened only by Rashford, and by Rooney's tremendous display in midfield. And Pardew was poor; too busy celebrating rather than getting his team to focus after going 1 up, and then no adjustment to make something of the 1 man advantage after Smalling's second yellow. And for what it's worth, I agree that the HAL final was a much better spectacle than either of these games. And in terms of quality of team play, much better to watch than the FA Cup final.
Doc Disnick
Roar Guru
Haven't watched much Italian football since leaving the UK nearly 10 years ago now. Only ever see the top Italian teams when they play United in the UCL. Was very different when I used to watch Serie A 15 years ago - a lot of midfield play compared to the long bombs out of defence in the EPL. Is it still like this?