Forgive me for publicly denouncing the integrity of a legend, but I don’t trust Wayne Bennett as far as you could boot the frail old fellow at altitude.
After breathing lightning over the opening rounds, the unstoppable title charge of his Broncos had plugged in the turf a month ago following a ton of losses.
Frankly, they were ready to be respectfully consigned as another easily-digestible feedbag of finals fodder, just like all of those before them that you cannot recall.
But after quietly straightening up and flying right with a few encouraging wins, my fraud firewall has begun screaming. It’s detecting heavy readings of con-like activity, and frankly, I’m suss.
This whole timeline is beginning to stink of the classic Bennett chicanery that precedes one of his thousands of against-all-odds tales of triumph. You know the ones; the ones that make you do a little wretch.
So the question must be asked: are we be in the midst of another of his famed ruses?
We must not be complacent. I urge you to all be alert and aware. When it comes to fleecing the public, the Brisbane coach is the Nigerian email scam of rugby league.
Too often have we fallen into the trap of believing his adverse position. Then once lured into the web of his harrowing narrative, we foolishly begin to believe he’s actually under siege.
Before you know it, we are wiring him $1 million of doubt. After this, it’s only a matter of time before he absconds in the middle of the night with our passports and trophy.
I’ve seen this suspicious behaviour from him before. Without fear of contradiction, I can categorically say he’s definitely up to something.
Bennett has inexplicably shunned the services of Kevin Walters and opted to instead defer to a mysterious guru from New Zealand, a man who at last check had never coached Queensland.
When pressed on the reasons why, Bennett delivered a response so uber-cryptic and undecipherable that he successfully communicated with a small civilisation in the cosmos.
You don’t need a psychologist to diagnose this as conduct not befitting of a coach with marbles intact. That’s because the Bronco maestro wants us to believe that he is literally bonkers – and frankly, I’m having trouble resisting.
Yes, this all amounts to one thing: the Broncos and their coach are openly mocking us.
They know exactly what they are doing and the bounteous rewards at their destination. Just look at James Roberts; he’s already partying like it’s 1992, ’93, ’97- heck, like it’s the entire nineties.
Sure, Brisbane’s resurgent three-game winning streak has been against lowly opposition. Their form is more hard-nosed than spectacular, and they are eons from matching the competition’s front-runners. But enough facts.
Where the concerning changes lie is in the detail.
Firstly, the bloody-minded hunger is returning. How else do you explain Corey Parker’s desire to head-butt someone in the studs? It shows the team is ready to cast-off the fisherman-style of defence they adopted post-Origin where there was too much catch and release.
In addition to this, Anthony Milford and Ben Hunt have steadily improved with a critical tweak to their game plan, which focuses specifically on the pair of them not playing like shit.
If you are looking for two canaries in the mine shaft, these are your tweeties.
Have the Broncos timed their upwards trend perfectly? Like nobody actually believes but says it anyway, could they be the first team in the NRL that sneaks a premiership from outside the top four?
Are they set to earn a chance to prove their golden point surrender in last year’s grand final was no fluke?
For those who doubt the veracity of these claims, let me remind you of how Bennett back-doored us all in 2006 with an eerily similar run of events, filled with trademark death knells which I’m certain he somehow self-imposed.
Following a strong opening, his Broncos side lost five consecutive late in the season, crumbled in the first week of the finals, trailed 20-6 at halftime in the grand final qualifier, and then beat a side who’d lost four games all year in the decider.
He’d also sacked Kevin Walters a year earlier. No, seriously. I wish I was making this stuff up.
No doubt, Friday night will provide a stern test for this pie-in-the-sky theorem when the Broncos face up to Melbourne.
Craig Bellamy’s men will give a surefire indication as to whether Bennett’s slump has been a sham. They are the auditors who verify premiership claims down to the last cent. As we all know, nobody knows bookkeeping better than the Storm.
Either way, let this serve as a warning.
Do not trust Bennett under any circumstances. Until we have conclusive evidence that he’s forgetting his own name and needing a colostomy bag, the ‘senile old man’ act is just that – an act.
He may look like he has his hands full poaching footballers to play for England, but this man has a reputation for underhandedness so prominent it can be seen from the moon.
EM
Guest
Haha... Well you got the margin correct just not the team :-)
Rob
Guest
Bronco's will not beat the Storm tonight unless Smith or Cronk are missing. Bronco's have gained a little momentum with players coming back in recent weeks but Storm have improved from 2015. The Bronco's are slowly falling under Bennett's coaching. They were excited and keen to impress when he arrived. They are still missing the heavy artillery of Storms middle. Storm by 10
Bugs
Guest
hahahahaha!! You forgot one - trip him over! That's neck-and-neck with my fave line in this piece for funniest of the day: "Anthony Milford and Ben Hunt have steadily improved with a critical tweak to their game plan, which focuses specifically on the pair of them not playing like shit"
Albo
Guest
Well you better hope the Broncos beat the Strom in Melbourne on Friday night ! Otherwise they could well end up finishing 7th and be playing their knock out finals game at Penrith Park against that "over achieving" Panthers who have already beaten them twice and who seem to be "over achieving" even more just at the right time of the season.
Neville Neville
Guest
he'd ride him into touch, or drop the saddle.
Jason Hosken
Roar Guru
At best, Maranta's finals run will be atop Buck - accompanying the popular mascot on his celebratory Suncorp perimeters runs.
Maroon Blood
Guest
Your opinion that kicking a player in the face with your studs....actually that it should have been done HARDER....is fine and dandy speaks volumes.
JohnB
Guest
Dane, I don't know about you, but I've never done a little wretch and will deny ever having done so (unless video footage comes out - it will then be "taken out of context"). I have retched from time to time after a big night. Usually something I ate.
Nat
Roar Guru
I like Maranta but I think his form has been down in the games he's played this year, IMO. While Kahu is in the centres, I'd like to see more of Pearson.
Agent11
Guest
If Bennet unleashes Maranta then no other team stands a chance this year.. Maranta will get his first of many CC medals.
Gaz
Roar Rookie
Great article Dane, we need a little mirth amoungst the doom and gloom. Tim would be aghast that you are writing about his favorite team to write about.
Gaz
Roar Rookie
Barrack for any other team.... That's quite obvious Sam, he must have really done your teams over badly - yeah!
sam
Guest
Bennett is an underhanded cheat....I have never liked the man or his methods despite him being a 'successful' coach The way they have just slapped Roberts on the wrist for his behaviour is a sign of his..I dont care about other clubs rules..we bend them here when needed. i still think kasiano got the raw end of the pineapple..Parker holding on to his boot...Kasiano just wanted to get up quickly and get back to his position..In my opinion he didn kick hard enough... Certainly be barracking for any team that plays against them......
Sam Brown
Roar Guru
That bit about the Storm being the auditors of premiership contention is such a great line. For the last 10 years they haven't won all the time but if you beat them you know you're looking good.
MAX
Guest
Dear Dane, You may have tricked Womblat, but you ain't foolin' this kookaburra. The Eldridge hatchet cloaks reality with multi coloured words glorious accompanied by the London Philharmonic with classic scores of your choice to suit the occasion. With Wayne's newfound love of the old dart " Land of Hope and Glory" rang in my ears. Silken smooth. Last week, Bennett gave his game away. The camera panned to the Bronco's box. He was caught smiling, Mona Lisa like. I swear I saw but did not hear him laugh. The end is near. No more top 4's for the greatest recruiter and exponent of theTPA. This kookaburra knows.
Squidward
Roar Rookie
The only fleecing he's doing is trying to fool us that the James Roberts situation is "nothing to see here""move along"
Mike Huber
Roar Pro
Dane "Bennett’s slump has been a sham. They are the auditors who verify premiership claims down to the last cent. As we all know, nobody knows bookkeeping better than the Storm." I love it............Oxymoron of the year ! ?
PNG Broncos fan88
Guest
Hey Dogs fans will be outraged, you referring to them as 'lowly opposition'. If you heard the press conference after the Roosters loss, you would know what Bennett is all about - no underhanded tactics just getting back to basics basics basics and basics again (with returning injured brigade). Brings back confidence to his young charges and in turn pick up that all important week to week momentum, charging into the finals.
peeeko
Guest
i think it al comes down to Lachlan Maranta. He is the man that Bennett nominated as the Broncos all star for the game at the beginning of the year. Surely if Bennett thinks he is the biggest talent on the team we will see some secret special talent come the finals
Womblat
Guest
Headbutting studs. Wasn't sure it was satire until I hit that bit. I hope Kasiano's boot is OK. The hardest thing in the world to stop is a team on a roll, and I'd sure put money on the Broncos over the Sharks right now for that reason. It's early, but on form right now, it's Broncos, Raiders and Storm, probably in that order. The Titans are going well too but they've left their run a fraction late, and the Dogs, Sharks and Cowboys just look a bit tired. Penrith have overachieved this year. For mine, Broncos Storm GF, winner too close to call.