Hello. My name is Dan and I am a Glenn Maxwell addict.
At the time of writing, it’s been ten hours since I last watched Glenn Maxwell bat and I’m already craving my next fix.
I’d been so proud of myself. I’d been able to resist watching Maxwell in the first T20 against Sri Lanka. I had an international flight early the next morning and didn’t want to arrive at the airport strung out and coming down off a Maxwell high. So I’d summoned all my strength and gone to bed early.
It didn’t help.
I woke the next morning to dozens of notifications telling me that I’d missed out. That Maxwell had made 145 not out from 65 balls opening the batting.
Any semblance of resistance evaporated.
On the taxi ride to the airport, I watched every replay of the innings I could find.
At check-in, I went back through live blogs.
Waiting in the lounge, I scrolled through Twitter.
It wasn’t the same.
* * *
I can’t even remember the first time I was introduced to Maxwell. I know I was curious. I’d heard a lot of talk about how much Indian high-rollers were willing to pay for a Glenn Maxwell innings. A million bucks? Just for a taste of Maxwell? Surely nothing could be that good.
Could it?
Of course, I didn’t have to pay that much the first time I tried Maxwell. In fact, I didn’t have to pay anything. It was just offered to me for free. Probably by Channel Nine, if I were forced to guess.
Some of you will be horrified by that. Channel Nine just pushed Glenn Maxwell on me? Without any kind of warning?
And all I can say in their defence was that it was a different time. Nobody knew back then quite how addictive Glenn Maxwell’s batting could be.
“Just watch a little of his innings,” they said. “Just one reverse sweep. You’ll love it.”
I know better now, of course. We all do.
There is nothing more dangerous than a Glenn Maxwell free hit.
I was addicted almost immediately.
* * *
I am aware that there are plenty of you who have watched Glenn Maxwell and not become addicted to his batting. There are some of you who don’t even like Glenn Maxwell’s batting. Who find him too inconsistent for your tastes.
I envy your resistance to this terrible disease.
But I also pity you.
Because there is nothing quite like the rush a Glenn Maxwell addict feels when he finds a high-quality strain of pure Maxwell.
To watch ball after ball fly to and over the rope from effortless strokes of seemingly infinite variation is like being given a glimpse into a different reality. A better reality.
Your senses blend together in a thrilling blissed-out mashup. You see staccato melodies of symphonic music. You taste a whirligig of unimagined colours. You hear a blend of the finest, richest spices known to man.
And yes, there are lows. The ducks. The soft reverse-sweeps straight to the gully positioned precisely for that shot. The leaves that crash into his stumps.
The lows are bad. I’d be mad to deny that.
But the highs make it worth it.
* * *
There was a second T20 match in which Glenn Maxwell would bat. I didn’t even try to avoid watching that. Quite the reverse. I roamed the streets of Singapore, searching frantically for a Maxwell supplier who could supply the fix I needed.
I found one. A sports bar.
It’s always the sports bars.
And I watched this second Maxwell innings. Watched him equal his fastest fifty record from eighteen balls. Watched him average 211 for the series. At a strike rate of 224.
I got my fix.
But now what?
There will be a terrible withdrawal period. Sure, there are treatments available. Some doctors point out, for example, that you can get similar strike rates without any of the addictive Maxwell thrills just by watching Aaron Finch bat.
But that’s not a cure.
There is no cure.
Once you’re addicted to Glenn Maxwell, you’re a Glenn Maxwell addict forever.
And all you can do to get through the cold, empty days without his batting is to focus on one day at a time.
As impossible as that might seem.
Our Cricket Australian government should be applauded for having purged the Test and ODI side of the danger of Maxwell innings. But they mustn’t rest on their laurels. Glenn Maxwell in concentrated T20 form is arguably the most dangerous strain of Maxwell available and Rod Marsh and his co-selectors now need to stamp it out before others suffer my terrible fate.
Please help me.
TheCunningLinguistic
Guest
Brilliant, IF! Love the article by Dan and your response is priceless!
Alexander Livingston
Roar Rookie
I was a Watson addict. But Lord Maxi has filled the gaping hole of comedy dismissals that Watto left behind.
SP
Guest
Got some cheap Maxi from a bloke at the pub last night. Can hook you up if want. Its the real deal.
Chris Kettlewell
Roar Guru
Actually, while Warner had the distinction of playing a T20 for Australia before he'd played a game of first class cricket, because selectors in NSW saw him as a short-form specialist, he actually got into the test team because when he finally got a chance to play first class cricket he did really well and was averaging over 50 at first class cricket. After 5 test matches he was averaging over 60. After 10, sure that had dropped down to 39. But a start like Warner's was actually a very common sort of start. Showing some brilliant innings (from carrying his bat while his team crumbled around him on a Hobart greentop, to decimating India in Perth) while struggling in other innings. Then over time they work out some kinks and improve. It's normal. I think you'll find that having an opener averaging 39 after their first 10 tests would in general be considered a pretty successful start and a good foundation to build on. The question is do they go up or down from there? And the answer was definitely up. Ricky Ponting was averaging under 40 for a lot longer than Warner. Michael Clarke averaged a bit better after 10 tests, but by 21 tests his average dropped down to 35 and had to get dropped before turning it around. There's nothing about Warner's career to suggest that there would have needed to be any sort of "lowest ebb" required for him to have remained in the team. He did for a long time struggle to find the right balance at ODI level. It's like he had a test gear and a T20 gear and struggled to find that in-between required at ODI level.
Brains of a bimbo (Atgm)
Guest
I am a maxwell addict too.help me!
Anindya Dutta
Roar Guru
Have to admit that I was never as big a fan of Warner as I was of Maxwell even in T20. But do enjoy Warner as a test batsman now. How he has evolved reminds me a bit about the way Sehwag went from ODI to become a devastating Test batsman.
Perry Bridge
Guest
I love the back handed compliments of some to Maxwell - I do wonder how many of these folk are now supporters of D.Warner - the white ball hit n giggle specialist who somehow was able to skip first class cricket and go straight to tests via 20 over apprenticeships. Young Warner given the role of test opener - passed 50 thrice in first 10 test matches - Australia clearly at their lowest ebb for an opener to be afforded that luxury!! The irony being that it took Warner 19 ODI's to register his first ton and in that time only passed 50 again on 3 occasions. Clearly it was his T20 form that counted - oh, the switch hitting suckered in some observers. The irony of course is that his white ball form has waned - while he has evolved now into a leading red ball cricketer and vice captain. It seems either it was good for Warner but not for Maxwell or that there are already a new generation of such youthful posters on the Roar who have no memory of deeds done circa 2009-12.
Anindya Dutta
Roar Guru
Dan - absolutely loved the piece and of course every innings of Maxeell (where he stays there long enough for me to say Glen Maxwell! )Truly, deeply, madly! Internal Fixation - I was looking for a change of docs. I think you are just what I need! I just called Gladstone Small and he is flying over. Thinks it's worth taking a chance and going under your knife! But seriously I resisted watching the IPL for a few seasons until I tuned into an innings of Maxwell the season he almost won the trophy single handedly for Bangalore. Been an addict since.
Internal Fixation
Guest
Dan. Firstly I applaud your bravery. The first step in recovery is admitting you have a problem. Unfortunately, as a medical professional, I can confirm there is no known cure for Maxwell addiction, otherwise known as Maxwellphilia. Surgery could be performed. It would involve a radical Maxwellectomy. It is high risk, performed extremely rapidly and the chance of success is about the same as Gladstone Small growing back his neck. The first part of the procedure is to remove the heart from the mouth. Called a glossocardiac diversion it will immediately improve your ability to eat when watching cricket. The second part involves reverse sweeping the intestine out of the way to perform an internal sphincter loosening, and gluteal muscle transposition, to allow for firm buttock clenching tension to be relieved. Finally, the remainder of your posterior is liposculpted away to the point where you can no longer sit on the edge of your seat. To demonstrate our displeasure to channel 9 we could broadcast the procedure on Bondi Vet. Over to you Dan.
Bob Sims
Guest
I can help you, Dan. I too, love the rush from seeing Glenn obliterate attacks with his innovative play and sheer batting firepower. But my heart sinks when he repeatedly fails to sum up a game situation, has a brain fart, plays a totally inappropriate shot and gets out for zippo or close to it. We Maxwell aficionados need to appeal to the man himself to tailor his onslaughts to the game situation that exists when he comes to the crease. His waxing and waning can be tolerated in the T20 format, but if he doesn't tailor his game better, and achieve more consistency, he will henceforth be restricted to giggle n bash and we won't see him at ODI or Test level again.
T-Bone
Guest
I know of a methadone program for Maxwell addicts: perspective. Smashing dibbly dobbly T20 bowlers is short on neurotransmitters my end. I'd get more of a high watching Maxwell play orthodox shots with 3 slips in the cordon against predators like Steyn. T20 big hitting is for the undiscerning. Loved the piece, all the same.