It feels like an eternity. You thought the wait would never end. But after 13 days straight of Cronulla’s team song, footy is finally back.
After a recess filled with tipsy Sharks and outsourced league, the Kangaroos and the Kiwis will lock horns in Perth this Saturday and subsequently nourish our ravenous gobs with local competition.
Such is my desperation for the indulgent pastry of footy, I’m in a lather for this beauty even though there’s nothing up for grabs for the winner. No tournament points, no trophy, not even a seat in the White House, nothing.
Nope, this is simply good, old-fashioned Test match footy, just the way it should be – manufactured exclusively for television.
But let me assure you, this isn’t a vain errand created solely to bulge headquarters’ pockets like a bag of microwave popcorn at the four-minute mark. I can assure you, despite having nothing on the line, there’s plenty on the line.
Apart from its role as a sterling entrée to the upcoming Four Nations tournament, Australia are desperate to recapture the world number one ranking. On the other side, New Zealand believe Australia are number twos.
But most interestingly, the match showcases the emergence of two new eras for each nation. It’s the first outing of the David Kidwell administration against Mal Meninga’s new-look teenage choirboys.
Kidwell steps in to replace Steve Kearney, after the former Eel discard departed to coach the other, more disappointing New Zealand.
After enjoying almost a full month in the new role, Kidwell has made great impressions on the squad, with some players reportedly now able to recognise his face. (Click to Tweet)
However, greater questions remain. Can he maintain the team’s recent success? And more importantly, can he surpass his greatest achievement for the Kiwis, that being ironing out Willie Mason?
On the other side of the Tasman, Meninga has a renewed squad, flushed free of miscreants, old dudes and newlyweds.
This leaves Andrew Fifita, Semi Radradra, Josh Mansour and Aaron Woods on various states of detention, while Paul Gallen and Corey Parker failed to make camp because they couldn’t hear the squad announcement over their blaring AM radios.
Coming in are pimply colts like Valentine Holmes, Jake Trbojevic, Tyson Frizell and that bloke from Canberra who gives kids nightmares. So if he debuts, I strongly suggest fitting Pull-Ups to your toddlers before bedtime.
However, much of Australia’s fortunes will revolve around their schmick halves combination of Cooper Cronk and Johnathon Thurston. Yeah I know, massive call, right?
With a dry track predicted, how the pair perform against the simply dreamy Shaun Johnson will be pivotal to deciding the contest. That’s unless it’s a beauty contest, because Cronk’s nose looks like a doubled-over Dorito.
In good news for Aussie fans, both playmakers vowed their long-term commitment to the national cause this week, with Cronk declaring “you’d have to rip the jersey” off his back to get rid of him.
This indicates they’ll be available for some time yet, provided their games aren’t played at any hens parties.
As for New Zealand, their strength once again will lie in the forwards.
In another windfall for cliches, Kidwell has selected a pack for Saturday’s Test so carby you could top it with sesame seeds.
Usual beef tanks like Jesse Bromwich and Martin Taupau line up alongside Jason ‘Human Samsung Galaxy’ Taumalolo, with the volatile mixer of Jared Waerea-Hargreaves added, just to give Australia that little extra mud in the strides.
After years in the international wilderness, much attention will focus on the maniac Rooster. He’ll undoubtedly be hell-bent on proving a point. He wants rugby league to know he belongs on the world stage and that Kearney has absolutely no idea on selection.
As for the crucial battle of the rakes, Cameron Smith is so impressive it’s unseemly, while Issac Luke has been down on form after opening the season appearing to have swallowed his plump contract.
But write the Kiwi dynamo off at your peril. Nobody should ever discount the toughness of a bloke who could withstand eight years at Souths.
She promises to be a doozy in the Wild West. How do you see it playing out, Roarers?
Regardless of its lack of consequences, and its even greater lack of Kevin Tamati and Greg Dowling, we’re surely in for a brisk and fiery opener to the end-of-season internationals.
Best of all, it can’t be any more painstaking than the last time they played.
Maroon Blood
Guest
Nice call Max, didn't get the margin right but picked the winner AND was spot on about JWH. Apart from giving away a penalty and handling errors, didn't notice him out there at all.
Jacko
Guest
Sure is powering along in NZ. Name 1 pro league player playing in NZ who is not in the NRL? The answer is none. of course but if Aus dont want to promote international league that is their decision to make. Their attutude has changed massively since they are now no 2 in their own game
McTavish
Roar Rookie
Ferguson may as well not bother getting changed as he won't be getting any ball outside Dugan.
Benedict Arnold
Roar Rookie
I think people forget the real reason JWH was no longer selected for the kiwis. He was one of a few players who played up during the 2013 word cup campaign. It was after that moment Kearney drew a line in the sand and said he would put respect into the jersey regardless of any player's ability or stature in the game. That's why he did what he did. It was not a selection mistake on Kearney's behalf, it was a cultural shift that let all the players wearing the black and white had to earned. Kearney made that tough decision for the better; the following year he put tohu harris at 5/8th in the Anzac test and the kiwis pushed the aussies. They then went on to win the four nations. All without the baggage and bad behaviour of the past. I would say he left the Kiwi squad in a far better position than when he started, now it's why all the kiwi blokes want to be a part of that. That is why JWH had a change of heart and worked his backside off to get back there, he now understands. Kearney also selected him in the squad before taking up the warriors gig so I think there is no bad blood there. He was also willing drop guys like Isaac Luke, and to Isaac's credit he agreed he was not good enough to don the jersey. Good on them for creating such a culture. As for my prediction I think the forward battle will be won by the kiwis but the roos have the better spine so no doubt they have more points in them. I think fitness always plays a part this time of year so maybe some of the guys in the kiwis will be a bit underdone. I would like to see NZ win but think Australia will, I don't expect it to be by more than 8 points though. Aus 18 NZ 14.
Jacko
Guest
Pitty you cant understand words. Karlos brings up a union incident I make a comment about some league incidents and suddenly you are bringing up Pedophilia. No stones, no glass houses Get your mum to read to you so she can explain things as she goes
Jeffrey
Guest
Republican, I wish I share your confidence, but if you did a match up of this Kiwis team versus the one that played in May, you will find that it's virtually the same team that lost badly to the roos in May. I hope I'm wrong but I doubt it.
Cedric
Guest
gee I think the Kiwis have a good side but still missing Mannering, Foran, Whare and Scheck and Hiku. And for the future, the Kiwis stocks of hookers and halves is pretty thin. I can't see the Roos becoming like the Wallabies anytime soon, the Roos could pick a B team and they would still be good! I note alot of talk about the massive size of the Kiwis pack, I thought Boyd is the biggest with Klemmer 2nd and Scott is not small and Cordner, Gillet and Thaiday are smaller than Harris. Taumalolo, I don't think is big he is just a ball of muscle. Am I wrong? where's the stats man.
Raugeee
Guest
This is certainly no friendly. NRL are wanting to impress Perth and this game has all the elements of being a ripper. Both sides are fresh and are the strongest available. Meninga has realised that the Kangaroos need young forwards in the pack, IMO the Kiwis are the best pack in the world, and all the right age. A lot will hinge on Johnson who is brilliant when on his game. His relationship with Ropana wil lbe vital. He was devastating when he could link up with Vatuvei. Kiwis by 4.
NSWelshman
Guest
Both Dugan & Ferguson have been picked...........Dugan center & Ferguson wing. What a joke!!!! I think the Kiwis will continue on their winning way..........
Chinmay Hejmadi
Roar Guru
"Nobody should ever discount the toughness of a bloke who could withstand eight years at Souths." Brilliant. Should be a bruising match. Don't think the Kiwis have the experience in their backline to win though.
nerval
Guest
Must have been censored Sleiman, as I can't seem to find it.
bbt
Guest
Chambers was a marginal player at Storm before he went to the Reds. Wasn't really a top grade player until he returned from overseas. We, Storm fans, were a little surprised that he was lured back. He has been a top player since. A bad foot injury has limited him this season. He finally came good in the grand final.
The Barry
Roar Guru
Did I? How did that happen? Can't help myself. It's ridiculous to be naysaying international league at the moment. It's never been more competitive. The recent eligibility changes - which I'm a massive fan of - will make it even more so. I prefer league (derr) but also like rugby, I played both for many years but I just don't get the code war attitude. I don't get why rugby fans come onto league threads to bag league (and vice versa). How would the rugby fans who've come here today bagging international league have felt in 1987 if soccer fans were bagging the rugby World Cup? It all has to start somewhere. I also don't get how bagging another sport makes you feel better about your own? These are strange days indeed. Most peculiar.
Up the Wahs
Roar Guru
I'm pretty sure the Kiwis are used to watching footy at 10pm, they watch their Super rugby teams play every two weeks, the warriors, not to mention other trans tasman teams. Not to mention a lot of NRL games including the GF start a little later. The Kiwis are used to these sorts of kick off times. League is doing fine in New Zealand comfortably behind rugby.
Up the Wahs
Roar Guru
Vunivalu did not make team of the year, Rapana and Mansour were the wingers. Let's not start this our athletes are better than yours
Sleiman Azizi
Roar Guru
You ripped into what was a stupid passage. I knew you'd do it.
Dean - Surry Hills
Guest
Stones and glass houses Jacko. A smattering of individuals and their indiscretions does not paint the picture for an entire code of sport nor for their fans..
Republican
Guest
indeed, it will be a one sided affair sadly and a taste of whats to come for Australian League v NZ for a very long time. The Kangaroos are now on the cusp of being the equivalent of Unions Wallabies v NZ, the major difference being League in NZ is a code with a niche profile, so NO excuses Australia. Whats interesting is the NRL are likely to expand to NZ again which will further foster their League status, all in the mane of the almighty tele dollar,
Jeffrey
Guest
Chambers has never impressed me. Granted I am a Union supporter but the fact that he struggled to crack the Reds starting 15, who were one of Super Rugby's weaker teams at the time always left me thinking that the guy was average at best. Every time I saw he play for them, he didn't seem like anything special. Granted some players make the transition better than others and he might be good in the 13 man game.
Jacko
Guest
Yes Edward that is true but do you think Union needs promoting in NZ or do you reckon people go out of their way to see it. League needs all the help it can get in NZ and this scheduleing doesnt help at all.