Joe Mennie has deservedly forced his way in to the Test side by sheer weight of runs. Yet Australia is carrying on like he’s a Marsh brother.
Why is the nation in the throes of birthing kittens over this man’s selection?
Like Rod Marsh explained, Australia needed to plug a hole in its deplorable batting. The job obviously wasn’t for Jackson Bird or actual batsmen, it was tailor-made for an unidentifiable South Australian.
We should be thankful Marsh’s ethereal powers of deduction identified such an astonishing solution.
I would say this decision is the most insightful of the summer so far, and quite possibly his finest since 1981 when he parted with ten quid at Headingley.
For us non-ethereal non-believers with subordinate intelligence to Marsh, let me explain the simple reasoning.
Bird is an awful batsman, much like the rest of our batsmen. We are overrun by such a number, it can sometimes feel we’ve fit upwards of 15 in our first eleven. They arrive and perish in numbers akin to a Bruce Lee fight.
As a result, we need less awful batsmen.
On the other hand, Mennie is not an awful batsman. He averages 18, and scored a whole 32 runs only last week, all under his own steam. Reportedly in the company of other cricketers too.
You can see why the kid is custom-built for the arena.
Hence, you can forget his disgracefully impressive bowling record in Shield last season. You can also forget Marsh has labelled him a “dead set professional seam bowler”, meaning his diploma checks out too. It’s all a bonus.
Mennie is in the team to bolster a weakness with his weaker discipline. It’s like revamping a Christian rock group with Keith Richards and highlighting his ability to play drums, when in fact his strength really lies in narcotics abuse.
Get it now?
Right there, that is what merits the decision.
Mennie’s batting and Richards playing clean drums falls firmly in to line with the frippery of Australian selection logic.
And as we all know, Australia has always prided itself on putting it’s logic ahead of the team.
For those amazed by this week’s decision, do you really believe this is the first time Australian selectors have bizarrely plugged a deficiency?
Look at Steve Waugh.
Many believed him to be a bloke with 10,000-odd compelling Test runs, but you’d be a fool for thinking he was capped 168 times to fulfil worthless tasks like constructing totals.
Waugh’s batsmanship ran second to his crucial role covering for slackers who didn’t release enough books at Christmas time. You think he deforested half the country for paperbacks just so he could profit personally?
Those honest wrists weren’t developed from flicking rubbish off his pads all day, they matured from scribbling endless memoirs to bridge the shortfall left by the literary passengers that marred the side in the 1990’s.
Then there was Shane Warne. Greatest leg-spinner of all time? Wake up to yourself!
While publicly feted as a somewhat handy bowler, his primary task in the team was to initially plant the seeds for the “Family First” culture. While the team played, his job was to concentrate on conceiving.
What about Stuart MacGill?
Sure, he was perceived as an aggressive leggie who would field in the deep, preferably at fine leg or underground.
But he was really just a back-stop who bowled a bit.
After Ian Healy cost us a Test in Pakistan, MacGill was called in with two directives: to be a rare social outsider, and to sweep behind the gloveman,
Not only was this insurance against byes and heart-breaking last day defeats, it was because that’s where catches were never hit. Not to mention, symbolically isolated.
And are you one of those nuffies who valued Glenn McGrath for his nagging, seam-up teasing of the top-order?
Sure, he took a mountain of wickets, but it paled in comparison to his tireless work making up the team’s shortfall in charity.
While Warne was out chasing sex with anything remotely anthropological, McGrath was raising dollars for worthy causes. That’s why the spinner’s charity was crap.
Nathan Lyon? Troubadour first, Australia’s greatest finger-spinner second.
Lyon follows a long line including David Boon, Michael Hussey, Jason Krezja, Brendon Julian and the Lee brothers, all of whom were selected to cover the team song and/or torturously strum “Khe Sanh” a minimum of 2500 times after a win.
Finally, the Marsh brothers- Shaun and Mitch- are selected purely to compensate for the lacklustre performances of other Marshes in side.
Flip that any way you want to.
So next time you feel like criticising the logic behind Mennie’s selection for Perth, remember this article.
Rod Marsh’s logic is right, and you are wrong.
Basil
Guest
More put-downs. You must be a joy to be around.
Basil
Guest
You have a lot of anger Damo. Mennie has copped a fair bit of criticism toward his selection the last few days which is unwarranted. Articles like this jump on the bandwagon. If this is a form of "hardening up" for you than congratulations.
Damo
Guest
Yes it does Don. Forever the man who plays the sniper....with no real substance to follow as per usual. As for you Basil...the mob mentality, defend the guy eating picked on?you are a regular Mahatma Ghandi...Keep striving for the dream Basil, changing the world one step at a time...talk about taking yourself seriously...that was my point mate!
Damo
Guest
Harden up princess...No none was putting anyone down. It was a humorous look at the sporting world. get a grip mate! Where do you people come from....
JamesH
Roar Guru
Like your work. I don't begrudge Mennie his chance because he has certainly put his hand up for consideration after a fantastic 12 months. I also agree that if there is nothing between two bowlers, you should pick the guy who offers more with the bat and/or in the field. The head scratcher is how Mennie and Bird are seen as equals in the red ball bowling department. Mennie had a great Shield season in 2015/16, leading the wicket-taking with 51 from 11 matches at 21 and a strike rate of 50. Impressive. However, in 8 matches Bird took 40 wickets at 19 with a strike rate of 40. Sure, Bellerive is often (not always) more bowler-friendly but bear in mind that Mennie had in-form bowlers (Worrall, Sayers) and batsmen around him. Bird had only sporadic support with the ball and was often trying to protect poor totals. In Feb this year, Bird (along with Sayers, for that matter) was picked ahead of Mennie for the NZ series when Siddle was injured, to bowl alongside Starc, Hazlewood and Lyon. After a quiet first game, Bird was crucial in the series-sealing second test win, taking 5 in the second innings and 7 for the match. In that second dig he single-handedly reduced NZ from 4/207 to 7/210 after a 100 run, 40+ over stand between Williamson and Anderson. At that point in time, Bird must surely have been head and shoulders above Mennie in the pecking order. It's hard to see the logic in this subsequent shakeup, even if you factor in Mennie's ODI selection (which you shouldn't) and his strong efforts against SA's A team a few months ago. If Mennie plays then best of luck to him, but I'll be glad to see the back of Rod Marsh as a selector. FWIW, Burns was also very stiff to miss out to S Marsh and I'm not convinced Siddle should have been picked with only one Shield game under his belt following injury.
Basil
Guest
Thanks Don. Such a school yard mentality isn't it? Defend the guy who is getting picked on and the mob turns on you as well.
Basil
Guest
Putting down someone for a cheap laugh is a pretty jerk way of going about things, don't you think?
jarijari
Guest
The Marsh brothers may well be approaching the end of the line, Dane. When "grandpa" Rod's no longer there, they'll have to get back in the queue. I'm a Joe Burns fan. He's an old-style batsman who can do the job as opener. Cameron Bancroft can also come on with Shield runs this season. Also like Moises Henriques as a No 6 who can bowl a bit, and offer something to the leadership. Needs some good runs at Shield level, but he's yet another blue cap/green cap natural, as long he's playing at the top of his ability.
Don Freo
Guest
"…says more about you mate that you even comment." Does this apply to your comment about Basil?
Aaron
Guest
Pity the author can't choose his readers. You seem like a great time.
Damo
Guest
Again...says more about you mate that you even comment. You must be a joy to be around, even if you don't find it funny, why comment? just to be a jerk?
Damo
Guest
Even if you didn't find it funny....what a jerk of a comment!
jameswm
Roar Guru
Which crap was that? Was that in the 2nd game where he excelled, or in the first when he was unlucky?
Basil
Guest
51 wickets at 21 last season and 13 wickets in 2 games vs Sth Africa A a few months back and you criticise him? I hope you're good at your job.
Bakkies
Guest
'Waugh’s batsmanship ran second to his crucial role covering for slackers who didn’t release enough books at Christmas time. You think he deforested half the country for paperbacks just so he could profit personally? Waugh still brought out his Ashes Tours diaries
John Erichsen
Roar Guru
Joe himself was very surprised and rightly so after the crap he bowled in SA. However, he was the leading wicket taker last shield season so that should carry some weight. His 3 wickets with the pink ball in the recent shield game did unfortunately suggest last season's form is a long way away. Thankfully, Mennie averages a mammoth 18 with the bat which is what you need from a quick bowler, especially when your batting order is weakened by having Mitch Marsh batting at six. Of course, you could pick a batsman at six and then not have the need to strengthen batting in positions 10 and 11.
davros
Guest
llyon is better than an 11 i think
Broken-hearted Toy
Guest
People are behaving as though this is a Michael Beer style choice. The selectors have seen Joe Mennie bowl in Shield cricket. They know what he can do. I just can't see why this is such a dust-up. Why not choose the better batsmen if 2 bowlers are ranked the same? I'll bet he's a better fielder than Bird too. We can't go in with Haze, Lyon and Bird at 9/10.11. Three number 11s right there.
bearfax
Guest
Mennie seems to have come of age as a kind of McGrath type bowler and has been successful so far at it at first class level. I have no concerns about his selection and will be interested in his progress. But the two I'd like to see in there before the end of summer are Cummins and Patterson. Cummins as a bowler has had a terrible injury period that ruined his early career which looked like something special. His recent one day performance was exceptional taking wickets at 18.6. Sure he hasn't been in the longer form game yet, but if he comes back strong, I'd have him quickly in the Australian side. The other is Kurtis Patterson. Though I know Shaun Marsh has been much improved in recent years and has his first class and test averages over 40 now, for me its unproductive to have two old timers in the side. We have a kid with demonstrated talent and an average superior to either Marsh brother and still only 23 lingering on the side line. If his form holds up over summer he must be one of the batsmen to replace these 30 something gents. Personally I would have kept Burns, but I would be looking at someone like Bancroft or Cartwright to step into the other of those two positions, if Burns is on the outer
JW
Guest
Well, Mitch marsh is an average bowler picked as a batsman, so we might as well pick an average batsman as a bowler to even it out.