One relatively chaos-free weekend in Adelaide has proven old batsmen are now useless to Australian cricket, placing them alongside other exiles like sub-130km/h seamers, stroke-makers with custard arms and tail-enders who can’t bat.
With youth chiefly responsible for resurrecting a nation’s hopes by not humiliating us in the third Test, this means all batsmen over the age of 30 can now stop wasting everyone’s time and retire.
Unfortunately for the veterans, the ploy to gamble Australia’s entire future on youth has paid off handsomely for everyone except them.
Blokes like Matt Renshaw and Peter Handscomb have reminded us how we appreciate our Test batsmen – slow, technically handicapped, and out in the middle.
We were especially enamoured by the young Queenslander. With each delivery that whizzed past the bat without kissing the edge, we marvelled and thought ‘how good is this?’
By the 37th time it happened, we had fallen back in love.
This fresh youthful style pervading the ranks is not only effective and exuberant, it also offended the Wide World of Sports commentary team.
As a result, we’re definitely not turning back now, so I urge the oldies to pack up their experience and scram.
Thanks for your service, but your resistance is futile, your ambition is worthless and your efforts will be ignored.
From now on, the role of being used-and-abused and blacklisted without explanation will be fulfilled by the kids of this fine country.
Moving forward, the rookie policy will now dictate all decisions on batting selection. It cannot be denied after already proving successful twice inside a fortnight- once in Adelaide, and once in Hobart a week before it was introduced.
This fundamental shift spells the end of a famous era. It is the death of the matured-aged graduate in the baggy green.
The rise of the over-30, over-qualified rookie in the Test team emerged at it’s strongest in the 1990s. To the naked eye, it was an uber-ripe Aussie wearing an abnormally-fresh cap, but really it was a symbol of a cricketing powerhouse’s outrageous affluence.
Such was the immovability of the batting order in these rare times, securing a position was like waiting for a spot to open up in the SCG Members Stand. The only way to break in was to kill someone or wait for capacity to be expanded.
However, when a rare vacancy emerged, the candidates to fill the breach were often more qualified than those they were replacing.
Snarling with hunger after working hard and paying their taxes for a lifetime on the domestic scene, nothing would stand between them and their nest egg of smashing sub-optimal Asian attacks on our agreeable home decks.
But with a shift to youth, theirs will be consigned to Australian history as a quirky relic like Victorian shorts and Martin Love.
You can bid adieu to the next Michael Hussey, Chris Rogers or Martin Love story, and look elsewhere for the easy scapegoat qualities of Adam Voges, Marcus North and Brad Hodge.
In their place, it will be your Nic Maddinsons, Kurtis Pattersons and anyone currently playing Kanga in New South Wales.
Victims of their nation’s drive to return it’s carnivorous ways, the over-30s will be left to rot in the palliative care of first-class cricket, their dreams of what might’ve been left as just that.
Except Shaun Marsh.
Can’t really rule him out, his name is always on the door.
matth
Guest
I hear Wade is being replaced by a sticky wicky
dan ced
Guest
Apart from Klinger, who should play at least one T20 for AUS before he retires :D
TheCunningLinguistic
Guest
Where are you getting this notion that Marsh can't field??
TheCunningLinguistic
Guest
Boom- well said, L5T!
bearfax
Guest
I've no problem about 30 something batsmen as long as they have the averages to justify selection. At that age anything under 40 average is just not what I would consider test standard...unless you've got no one better coming through. Trouble is they've had several good young players coming through for years but kept picking these 30 something sub 40 averaging also rans. It seems though that finally the selectors have woken up. These batsmen not yet playing tests should be considered before these 30 something dawdlers. Think Patterson, Maxwell, Bancroft, Cartwright, Dean, Heazlett, Weatherill, Lehmann, Head (when he gets that average up )etc for future selections as they come of age and show toughness. Noticed even young Jake Doran is finally beginning to show some form firstly as a fine wicketkeeper and now his scores are beginning to rise with 31, 41 and 66 in his last three innings. Stick with youth.
JamesH
Roar Guru
I'd bring Marsh in at 4 and bump Smith down to 5. Suddenly we actually look like we have some depth: Renshaw, Warner, Khawaja, Marsh, Smith, Handscomb, notWade. I get what you're saying about Handscomb's technique (Amir might cause him some problems moving the ball back into him) but he has just bought himself a bit of time in the test lineup.
JamesH
Roar Guru
This would put Wade at about 9, which is excellent. Unfortunately Warner would bat at 11, at least until S Marsh returned.
Matthew H
Guest
We need to be honest about S Marsh - he was not good enough however has improved in most areas. Poor record with injury suggests there is still something not quite right. Where we are right now, I take the same team on tour WITH S Marsh, and I would take both experience and youth for the 6 slot and seriously agonise about White/Voges (experience & form) or Maddinson/Patterson/Head/etc (youth for experience), but the young player must play once at least for experience. In that scenario I think S Marsh plays and Renshaw sits for first test of tour, with youngster at 6, Renshaw to play 3rd test regardless and is there as injury back-up. Use results in 3 tests to decide what happens next. S Marsh is too old to not have a replacement plan. Doesn't mean dropped for good now, although I wouldn't be unhappy with that and neither would Chapelli, but rather phasing him out over next 12 months max. If he does get back in, one more mid-series injury and for me he's gone completely.
Lancey5times
Guest
You've really countered my reply with some cold hard facts and the stats to back them up Bob. Hard for me to argue with this........ Hopefully you're not too hungover this morning
Perry Bridge
Guest
#Tim Holt For those averages you need to break it down a bit - you're talking of Patterson as having had 3 to 4 years now, as it is in the Shield his 2014/15 was ordinary but his 2015/16 was a 50+ average (from memory). Handscomb has produced a combined 2 seasons of 50+ average - and his early career saw him often donning the gloves - he's only really focussed as a specialist batsman in recent years. Forget looking at career averages - these can be an unfair burden on players who have developed and evolved their games after shaky starts.
Bee bee
Guest
I think everyone forgot the power of a Mitchell Mo. That Mo was so bad it clearly mentally distressed a number of South African batsmen.
davSA
Guest
Ha Ha Easy on the old men Dane , Adelaide was one game with series already done and dusted.
Chris Love
Roar Guru
For all his quirks against fast bowling, I think Handscomb will soon have the tag of Australia's best player of spin. If he is coming on when spinners are operating then I doubt he'll feel too intimidated by them. If anything is "silky" about Australian cricket it's Peter Handscomb's feet and Peter Nevill's hands.
Bob
Guest
And unlike Marsh he can field, bowl, bat and make fielding changes...our fingers are crossed!
Bob
Guest
Spot on, I mute and listen to the ABC...Katich, Nannes and Rogers are A Graders...only one tosser to tolerate...the pretentious self aggrandising monumentally pronunciated Whately...groan!
Bob
Guest
Were you enjoying a tipple when you typed that?
Bob
Guest
Very ordinary averages, you could probably get a game...keep your head down, play straight, call early...good luck!
Bob
Guest
Hey Lancey, he's a dud. He can't bowl, he can't field, he can barely bat and we've waited forever for this latest spurt. He wouldn't bat for my life, but hey, I encourage you to pick him to bat for yours, are you game? Potential is a dirty word, often never realised. He's 33 and he's past it, assuming he ever was "it".
Bob
Guest
Spot on, chop him Chop!
Bob
Guest
I concur, Swampy was adequate at best, albeit a mate of AB's...now he was a champion!