The Roar has received disturbing news of a Sydney man who reportedly wants Rafael Nadal to lose to Grigor Dimitrov in tonight’s Australian Open semi-final.
Roman Blythe-Stewart made the morally and intellectually bankrupt controversial statement last night – mere seconds after Roger Federer’s historic, five-set triumph over Stan Wawrinka.
“Fingers crossed Grigor knocks off Rafa tomorrow so we get the dream final”, a witness quoted him as saying.
“At first I thought he was joking,” Roman’s friend Felix said.
“But then we realised he wasn’t taking the piss – that miserable son of a bitch actually wanted to see Nadal lose.”
The Federer-Nadal rivalry is arguably the greatest the sport has ever seen, but after the rise of Novak Djokovic and Andy Murray in recent years, even the most optimistic tennis fan doubted they’d ever see the two icons meet in a Grand Slam final again.
The potential match-up has been billed by some as “the most historically significant match ever”, but apparently this means absolutely shit all to that asshole isn’t enough to change Roman’s mind.
“I dunno, I saw some video on Federer’s Instagram of Dimitrov and him singing at some karaoke thing – seems like a bit of a legend,” the full-time barista said to audible groans in the room.
This reportedly isn’t the first time Roman wanted to watch the whole goddamn world burn in front of our eyes rustled feathers like this.
Felix told The Roar that he had to be escorted by security from an international cricket game after voicing controversial comments.
“We were at the SCG when Steve Waugh made his last-ball century in 2003. When Gilly faced up for the second-last delivery he yelled out ‘Keep the strike, let’s just make sure we get through to stumps with five wickets intact!’
“What sort of monster thinks like that?!”
Roman was reportedly kicked out of the Australia Day party minutes later, after declaring that “‘Never Be Like You’ is good, I guess – but it’s no ‘Big Jet Plane’.”
anon
Roar Pro
Only Federer fans want to see his pigeon Dimitrov play him on Sunday night. The prospect of playing Nadal will have Federer psychologically beaten before the match begins. Federer already priming himself with the groin excuse should he lose.
clipper
Guest
Nadal has regained some form since then and it's a five set match. Can't see Nadal losing this.
Avatar
Roar Guru
In all seriousness, I want Nadal to win tonight, as it would set up another titanic battle for the title between Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal. However, Grigor Dimitrov did beat Nadal as recently as at the China Open last year, so anything can happen.
Riordan Lee
Editor
Maybe...
Betoota
Guest
No, but we perfected it!
Riordan Lee
Editor
Thanks mate!
Riordan Lee
Editor
Duly noted.
Dane Eldridge
Expert
Probably doesn't indicate either!
Magnus M. Østergaard
Roar Guru
Nice piece Riordan, good giggle for the Friday.
Magnus M. Østergaard
Roar Guru
Don't say things like that Dane, my hands are shaking with rage now!
Drew
Guest
I laughed. Then turned to my wife and read it out to her and she laughed. I'd say it was funny.
BrainsTrust
Guest
Maybe its because Nadal has an ugly looking entourage, or maybe they didn;t provide enough drama. These entourages look like people about to be executed, and sometimes they show them after every point. In contrast you had Cahill in the Raonic box and he looked quite jovial, ,maybe thats why they stopped showing the entourages in that game, Nadal's group was boring looking and Raonic had a smirking Tim Cahill in there.
Chui
Guest
Hopefully "asshole' was a typo. This is an "arsehole" country mate.
Because the Betoota invented satire...
Morty
Guest
This is top shelf. But if Dimtitrov wins tonight I'm blaming you for jinxing it.
Riordan Lee
Editor
He's a big fan of baby blue sweaters and boat shoes, I hear.
Riordan Lee
Editor
Look, I'm inclined to agree with you - but my opinion is a little biased.
Dane Eldridge
Expert
Roman Blythe-Stewart sounds like someone who drives slow in the right-hand lane
AZ_RBB
Guest
I actually think this is pretty funny. Smartly written, good references. Am I wrong?
Danwain
Guest
Maybe leave the satire to Betoota....