A little bit of Sheenius: Is Des going mad?

Years of watching Tim Sheens coach was, at times, a taxing chore for Tigers’ fans. His premiership was welcomed, but his faults were many.

His flair for playing blokes out of position was second to none. His stubbornness to stick by failing player rosters would drive fans bonkers, and his eye for mediocre player recruitment was nothing short of top shelf.

His relatively unique collection of coaching attributes had most Tigers’ fans drinking well beyond their physical capabilities.

The club’s supporters were rightly tired of seeing their team hamstrung via Sheens’ quirky coaching philosophies which were being dished up on the field and beamed into their living room tubes week in week out.

By the end of 2012, many would agree that Sheens’ coaching mind was a couple of pig-skins short of a football.

Fans sarcastically combined the name Sheens with genius to coin a new term which labeled one’s descent into coaching madness. It became known as Sheenius.

Sheenius is a crippling disorder which gradually blocks all football sense and swings axes of subpar decision making through the cogs of the coach of which it has taken hold.

Since its inception, the word Sheenius has advanced beyond the web lingo of blogs and tweets to firmly entrench itself as part of the league meta-language used among the NRL’s faithful.

In the modern era, most coaches have been guilty of making the odd sheenius mistake here and there, but often this separating of the brain’s marbles has been calamitous and fleeting. Paul McGregor’s move of Jack De belin to halfback and Jason Taylor’s mid-game switch of Kyle Lovett to the centres are just a couple of the more recent and very notable instances of Sheenius-like cognitive fade-outs.

But in a surprising revelation, one of the game’s highest profile coaches is now struggling with some of the all too familiar tell-tale warning signs of early sheenius onset.

Des Hasler may boast an impressive coaching record but a meek end to the Bulldogs’ 2016 campaign and a tired looking 2017 outfit have added some squeeze on his job at Bellmore.

Fans have been crying about poor recruitment, mystifying player positions and banal game plans for a little while now. These grievances are legitimate and have only gained momentum since the start of the season.

As a result, the Dogs’ board got nervous. Club hierarchies are acutely aware of the average fans’ panache for sniffing out early indicators of sheenius type symptoms in the team’s coach; a fact which should not be ignored.

Consequently, Des was put squarely in the sights of the board’s gun.

For Des, the signs that the sneaky condition has taken root in the master coach’s upper faculties is very real indeed.

Michael Lichaa’s move to hooker and Mick Ennis’ shafting have been real sore points with fans.

Josh Reynolds and Moses Mbye are the first choice number 6 and 7s despite not owning a kicking boot between them.

The side has a fullback who doesn’t play Sundays and a winger who should be playing fullback.

These are just some of the bewildering happenings which are striking red ink onto Hasler’s dosiere for the insane.

And what about his game plan?

Back in 2005, the Tigers stunned the league community with their enterprising play. However, as a result of that sensational win, Tim Sheens never let the style of play go.

He was accused of not evolving with the game and stubbornly stuck to his 2005 systems. Sadly, this was the very first instance that the sprouts of his own Sheenius had started to germinate inside the former premiership winning coach.

In Des’s case, the question must be asked: Is there anyone else coaching like it’s 2012?

Well, come to think of it…Stephen Kearney…maybe.

Desie’s formula of forwards playing as halves and halves playing as support players to forwards was genius when he started it, and it almost won the Dogs a comp, but these meds expired five years ago. This contemporary folly is easily one of the most blinding signs that Des is in the tightening grips of sheenius.

Yet, in front of a backdrop of shifting NRL coaching sands, the Bulldogs’ board have taken a leap of faith. They’ve clutched the rosary-beads and tossed the holy water. They’ve re-signed Hasler for another two years despite not delivering a promised premiership and living with his obvious recruitment blunders, not to mention, the high risk nature of his sheenius further spreading and damaging his already fragile footy judgement.

For the Bulldogs’ sake and for Desie’s, let’s hope he can press through this tough period in his coaching journey to come out the other side with either a premiership or his sanity.
Perhaps he may even find a way to halt or cure any further spread of sheenius.