Cricket Australia has announced it will no longer be recognising runs or wickets when judging competency.
Selectors will now determine suitability for the sacred honour of national representation using a patented metric system based on potential and presence.
Their decision was inspired by the resounding success of New South Wales recently neglecting Ed Cowan’s 959 runs @ 73.77 in favour of futures stocks.
Despite widespread condemnation, CA was impressed with the Blues’ call to field a side with fewer voices of disapproval and a lower median age.
Within 48 hours, powerbrokers adopted the move and amended their selection policy to scrap fact-based evidence from consideration.
Many have long speculated this to be the governing body’s private strategy, with suspicions raised after David Warner survived a lean run on the subcontinent because of a “strong manner” through the pay dispute.
The historic announcement is CA’s first public disclosure of selection policy since the Michael Clarke era, when players were only considered if they had spent time on James Packer’s boat.
Their decision was inspired by a belief that indisputable metrics are a thing of the past, and because they could no longer plausibly deny they ignored them anyway.
CA are confident the decision will now allow its selectors the freedom of a non-quantifiable environment that encourages subjectivity and agendas.
Outlawing performance will also provide scope to reject proven ability, especially in tight selection calls involving candidates that are old or outspoken.
The administration has begun efforts to extinguish any trace of a meritocracy, with work already underway on developing an algorithm to measure energy, deference and bowling loads.
This will play a pivotal role in CA achieving its vision of nurturing players up to their prime before forever warehousing them in backwater competitions like Sheffield Shield, essentially building them for a future that never arrives.
With domestic cricket already a science experiment, the organisation is confident this announcement will bring them one step closer towards transforming everything in to a pathway competition, including Test cricket.
Despite officially abandoning analytics forever, CA has made assurances all players will still be considered for national selection in this week’s round of Shield matches, provided they can “bomb ‘em long.”
Buddy Holly
Guest
Oh my gosh. Daniel Hughes has a fancy moustache! He is in.
E-Meter
Guest
I knew my time would come. Players need to be hooked up to the e-meter.
Red Kev
Roar Guru
To paraphrase the Betoota Advocate “Baggy Green hopefuls should stop worrying about runs and wickets and focus on marrying one of the Chappell girls, or Healy’s daughter, Emma. That’s the dedication we need. Up and comers need to embed themselves within the close, nepotistic family at Cricket Australia.”
matth
Guest
This misses the biggest fan selection rule in all of cricket or all of sports for that matter. It is an iron clad rule in fan based selection that whoever is out of the team playing at lower levels (or not at all) is ALWAYS better than the incumbents playing in the higher standard national competition. Every player always gets better and better the more often they are not selected.
Steve
Guest
Yes runs and wickets mean nothing Maxwell is a great fielder and a funny man in the dressing rooms but that's ok cause he has an average of 18 and can't bowl to save his life but he is great for team morale so we will play him he's in.Wade let's through more byes than the runs he scores with the bat,drops more catches than he scores runs and same with stumping but is great for team morale so we will play him he's in, All our fast bowler's can all bowl at 150 kilometers an hour but can't hit the stumps or swing the ball ( for the exception of Starc and Hazelwood ) because are they bowl every ball that short they don't know where the stumps are but they are very fast and so inaccurate there in also.Selectors you sure have got the right formula for Australia to be beaten by all teams even Bangladesh beat us we are now the easybeats of world cricket thanks to you guys who get paid massive money and travel the world watching a crap gricket team that you keep picking shame on you all.
John Erichsen
Roar Guru
Apparently striking them well in net sessions is also way more important than runs in the middle, especially for those already selected and in good with the skipper. Gee, I love the transparency and accountability in Australian Cricket in recent years.
Diamond Jackie
Roar Rookie
Shane Watson should be on the selection panel. Averages. Scoring runs when they count. Bowling reliability and wickets. Who cares.
dave
Guest
nice gary
Don Freo
Guest
Social media is the think tank...no one running cricket.
Christov
Guest
If this is true then it will be disasterois for the national team! What sort of cricket think tank thought of this garbage!
big daddy
Guest
There are those that grabbed Michael Clarke by the throat and those that wish they had grabbed Michael Clarke by the throat.
Buddy Holly
Guest
Of course. Daniel Hughes can’t be picked he doesn’t have the nickname of “Big Show”. Another one to add to the algorithm.
Junior Coach
Guest
I actually thought the new selection policy went as follows; Opening batsman- hits lots of 6's in the big bash, scores at strike rate of 100+. Must nick off to second slip early in his innings to let the rest of the top order in. Top Order- See opener but generally drives in the air to point Middle/Lower order- whoever the Marsh family feels should represent them WK- must have a big mouth and be good at fist pumps Fast Bowlers-have to bowl at 140 plus .Doesnt matter if they hit the pitch Spinner- puts lots of revs on the ball but doesnt matter if they hit the pitch Oh yeah- beep tests are really important too, David Boon was a disgrace that Australian cricket can never repeat
Simoc
Guest
The main metric is that Qld are top of the Sheffield Shield. You'de think the govt. would announce a public holiday but no, we get a bloody election. It may well be the briefest stay at the top. No doubt Khawaja stuffed up by not scoring a double century and then a triple century. He certainly had enough time. Maxwell isn't required as a bowler so he can concentrate on his batting now. A superlative 20 should keep the doubters at bay.
Don Freo
Guest
I hope you are having a go at satire there, Jordan. A tight loss? The satire doesn't work here.
Jordan
Guest
Daniel Hughes was apparently close to a call-up to the test side for the Ashes. He did himself absolutely not favours yesterday with a half century in a team score of 242 with a pedestrian strike rate of 57.The dream might be over before it even started unfortunately. Maxie got a vital 20 off 17 in the tight loss to QLD so I think he will get the nod for that 6 spot.
Timmuh
Roar Guru
Ah, yes, Wade makes up for not being able to keep or bat by having "energy". He uses it all up in talking, and has no energy or concentration left for keeping and batting.
qwetzen
Guest
Isn't the current buzzword "energy"? 28Oct2017: On this date Qld were on top of the Shield table.
Don Freo
Guest
That's why they are called selectors and why they go to games and watch. Should Jackson Bird be ignored because the 'metrics' didn't record a 5 for despite the fact he beat NCN, got the edge but McDermott dropped it? A fieldsman's error might cost Bird his Test career unless a selector was there ignoring the 'metric' and, instead, watching the cricket.
AdrianK
Guest
It’s not really new, though, is it? It just kind of naturally evolved from the old policy of not selecting anyone that grabbed Michael Clarke by the throat in the dressing room.