The art of sledging has perished underneath a landslide of fatigued quips and peacocking. Out of respect, please turn to the person beside you and tell them to f*** off.
Also known as ‘chat’, ‘lip’ or the more affectionate ‘mental disintegration’, sledging was pronounced dead after a long battle with the afflicted posturing and faux aggression of the modern game, much like the capers witnessed in Adelaide’s Ashes Test.
While the artform fought valiantly to remain relevant in its twilight, doctors confirmed the last traces of wit and humour had now left its body.
Sledging’s last breaths were spent on life support, with those keeping a bedside vigil respectfully lashing it for being ‘shit’ as it trudged off to the sheds of heaven.
The artform lived an eventful existence, peaking in popularity during the mid-to-late 1900s as intelligent and inoffensive banter, before gradually declining to become an unimaginative shadow of its glory days.
Prior to its unceremonious death in the custody of today’s generation, sledging took on many incarnations of various acclaim.
The practice was revered throughout the jaunty jape era of the war, but its reputation began to suffer with the caustic revolution of the ’70s and ’80s when chipper wisecracks intersected with boorish pro-machoism.
(AAP Image/Darren England)
The irreversible psychological trauma of the Steve Waugh years confirmed sledging’s annihilation as a light-hearted tactic, along with Merv Hughes farting.
But ‘mouthing off’ truly became terminal with cricket’s globalisation through T20 and the internet and stuff.
As intercontinental relationships strengthened and secrets were shared, players became reluctant to deploy obscene and vividly descriptive insults of wives and partners towards their peers. Additionally, technology made them dumb.
From here, sledging further unravelled to woofing, facial contortions, international caps for Matt Wade and it’s nadir, the abuse of New Zealanders for being too pleasant.
A domino effect ensued whereby verbal assaults of cricketers began spilling over into different spheres, with some preferring to abuse each other through Christmas bestsellers or by simply beating each other up in nightclubs.
At this point there was nothing left for the pitch but witless scraps. The art of sledging was officially dead, with only its ghosts remaining to echo through sportsmen’s lunches and former greats desperate for attention on series’ eve.
It will be buried alongside the follow-on, with the following to appear on the headstone:
“In affectionate remembrance of sledging, which died in the 21st century. Deeply lamented by a large circle of sorrowing friends and wannabe gangsters in flannel. RIP. NB: The remains will be cremated and fined 10 per cent of its match fee.”
caspian
Guest
Eh, maybe it's just dead and buried in australia. Felt that Marlon Samuel's salute send off of Stokes from 2015 was an all time classic
DavSA
Guest
The sledging of the 1990's is truly a thing of the past and cricket as a spectacle is worse off . The on field robots we now have , a product of time are just so boring as they go about brand protecting themselves. Don't say anything too offensive in case it diminishes the chances of a juicy IPL contract . Do not ever offend. Every utterance picked up by stump mikes hashed and re-hashed by a media desperate for something interesting. Where has all the creativity gone. Myself and the boys still talk about the famous sledges from the likes of Warne , Waugh , McMillan , Hughes , Botham etc. I believe the New Zealanders were no slouches themselves particularly when playing Australia. An entire article can be dedicated to the best chirps. Nowadays we talk more about pub assaults , ball tampering and bat size none of which raises a chuckle.I hate listening to AB De Villiers talk publically. . He just sounds so sweet and correct . A political cricketer . Certainly coached by the PR guys. Very un-South African. Sad really. Maybe cricketers should be allowed to take their phones on the field and tweet each other . Is it possible that verbal communication skills may just not be there without a keyboard of sorts.
Sandy
Guest
Barking after getting Faf out was hilarious.
Sandy
Guest
HA!
Onside
Guest
Despite the hint by Spruce Moose , I didn't get it, so Googled 3.14. Very good. Piethagoras
Bretto
Guest
Surely it was Rod Marsh to Botham, who allegedly responded "the wife is great but the kids are retarded".
qwetzen
Guest
"No you can’t sledge now, we’re in the story generation where everybody these days gets offended over crap." A fine example of which is this site.
qwetzen
Guest
You're making a meal out of now...
The Barry
Roar Guru
Cricketers have themselves to blame. There was always a culture of what happens on the field...but somewhere along the line someone started bleating about it to the media. By keeping it on the field cricketers avoided exposing how puerile they can be. Now it's a free for all, where everyone is complaining about every sledge that happens and most of it comes across as more than a bit lame. Both the sledging and the complaining. To have Jimmy Anderson who gives every bit as good as he gets complaining to the media that the Australians are bullies is beyond the pale.
The Barry
Roar Guru
Nice one...
Steve Mcglashan
Roar Rookie
No you can't sledge now, we're in the story generation where everybody these days gets offended over crap. If you sledge now the Pc police will come. Players need to grow a pair, what happens on the field stays on the field.
Bob Sims
Guest
Maybe only partly dead but certainly not as witty and cutting as it used to be - "put a Mars bar on a length - that'll get him out of his crease"(Healy to Ranatunga?), "Tickets please"(Merv Hughes after being called a bus conductor then getting the wicket - was it Miandad?) and Botham's "Morning Alan-how's the missus and my kids?" to Border were classics. We need more like that!
spruce moose
Guest
That would be the PieQ...
jeznez
Roar Guru
I think you are being generous. Surely it is 3.14
Rob
Guest
Can't stand the emphasis placed on sledging on the cricket field. The banter or aggressive chat between is acceptable to a point. But fieldsmen basically verbal abusing players and talking crap as the batsmen takes guard between deliveries should be outlawed. Handscomb, Smith and Paine abusing Root last night was garbage in my opinion.
Onside
Guest
the IQ of a meat pie = 24
paul
Guest
The art of sledging is not dead, it's just resting. There are two groups of players on a cricket field - those who talk inane crap constantly and those who come up with really good sledges. The first group thinks they sledge, but all they do is bore people, while the second group can hardly be heard over the rubbish coming from group one, eg Warner and co. We need the real sledgers to stand up and be counted, and/or the other guys to put a sock in it. PS there's actually a third group; those who egg on the guys talking crap. I didn't include this comment as they tend to have the IQ of a meat pie.
Junior Coach
Guest
Most of seems to be questioning the sexuality and parentage of opposition players, I would hardly call that creative.
Onside
Guest
'Cricket .............. it’s imitating life.' Hows that !
VanMac
Roar Rookie
Mitchell Johnson's wicket celebration turned death stare to Jimmy Anderson still cracks me up every time i see it.