With the team a perennial potpourri of availables after a decade-long experimental phase, scientists now believe Australia’s best T20 team can only be determined by algorithm.
In a white paper titled ‘Remedying Australia’s history of not giving a shit about T20′, research has revealed years of slipshod strategy and a devil-may-care attitude has cultivated a bloated and bastardised core of players that can only be profitably streamlined using maths.
The report recommends that for Australia to emerge as a force in the upcoming World Cup, a team of researchers is required to mine the data from their limitless flux to unlock a calculus on who should take the newie.
This would also involve forensic examination of selectors’ behaviours, plus wading through the ocean of blokes back to Travis Birt who were “thrown in for a look” after a single cameo of 42 (26).
By adopting the recommendations of a sound algebraic formula for the 1000+ selection pool, the report guarantees it would not only stabilise the seventh-ranked side, but also promise them “pumping 10’s at the death.”
Conversely, should Australia choose to continue with their current strategy, they risk nosediving to depths where they could possibly know less about T20 cricket than the Channel Nine commentary team.
While the silver bullet of a complex arithmetic strategy compiled by world-leading brains could seem too easy to be true, the research does acknowledge there could be initial teething issues.
An effective algorithm for Australian selection would need to smoothly incorporate the Steve Smith element- who has seen 15 new slower balls come and go since he last played for Australia- and other factors like Chris Lynn’s one arm and Glenn Maxwell’s zero support.
(AP Photo/Jon Super)
Researchers will also need to exercise care if borrowing from aspects of Facebook’s algorithm- which can predict when users will pick a nose- as this will require wading in to the murkiness of selectors’ likes and dislikes, friends and susceptibility to marketing.
Initial testing revealed some formulas capable of settling on a pool of 345 openers, before struggling with the swathe of allrounders data.
Bug errors of ‘404.is-watto-still-available.exe’ were persistent, before the algorithm would miscarry to recommend a line-up entirely of Adam Zampas and his 11 different haircuts.
While Cricket Australia are encouraged by the recommendations, it is not believe they will be adopted anytime soon.
Following two wins at home in a tournament with low exposure, they believe Australia is already back on track to meet its usual T20 World Cup KPI of a quarter final bombout.
Mitch
Guest
Short Khawaja Lynn Maxwell Finch Stoinis Carey Agar Starc/Behrendorf NCN Tye
Party Pooper
Guest
Funny if the algorithm says no NSW players.
Jack Russell
Roar Guru
He's not bad, just not national team good.
David
Guest
Excellent
Reg
Guest
I'm hoping 9 gets BBL. After all its the home of cricket, its a shame that JB is no longer there! Nothing better than the 9 commentary team!
Mitch
Guest
Was one of the top wicket takers before he went under investigation and has a batting strike rate of 133 what is so bad about this guy?
Arcturus
Roar Rookie
I'm guessing the algorithm goes something like this: IF SMITH >= CAPTAIN, THEN NO MAXWELL. IF PONTING (NOT EQUAL TO) ASSISTANT COACH, THEN NO MAXWELL IF LAST SCORE (MAXWELL) < 100, THEN NO MAXWELL
Jack Russell
Roar Guru
Nair? The guy from the Thunder? Shouldn't even be in our 3rd XI.
Simon
Guest
Might be between him and big Bill if Starc and Tye make up the other two. Depends on form I suppose but yeah he’s a gun
Hugh G. Rektion
Guest
When Jason Behrendorff comes back, will he be in Australia's best T20 XI?
David
Guest
I think CA already adopted this program for the test selection prior to the Ashes. Fortunately, it worked ok but the selectors had trouble coming with an explanation of the Shaun Marsh selection - it appears now that it was a sticky button on their computer. This same button has been giving them trouble for years and perhaps it is time for a new computer or at least a new keyboard to prevent S Marsh from lining up for Australia forever (hamstring permitting). PS Bill, not sure about you - I've never met a man who was attractive!!
Simon
Guest
I like it, it’s hard to leave Stoin out though and Finch as well
Bill
Guest
Dane, You are a very unattractive man.
GD66
Guest
Working beautifully, Dane. There was quite a bit of head-shaking during Wednesday night's commentary. The deficiencies of the ch 9 coverage illustrate what a capable job Ten have done with the BBL....apart from their seemingly-endless use of Fleming : wish he'd enter the corridor of STFU....
Paul
Guest
I often think an under 11 side has more insight into T20's judging by some of the comments these highly paid Channel 9 "experts" come up with. Dane, any chance you could team up with a selector to write an expose on how they make decisions? Would be an amusing best seller for sure.
Adam eels2018
Guest
That team is really weak.
Bazza
Guest
Gotta love the is watto still available.
Mitch
Guest
Strongest T20 team Khawaja Short Lynn Maxwell Warner Carey Agar Nair(if cleared to bowl) Starc Tye Stanlake S