It’s the distant future, the year 2080. Cars are flying, Cameron Smith is approaching retirement, and Sonny Bill Williams remains linked to the Roosters from the afterlife.
Following a horde of tenuous reasoning, desperate media outlets report Williams’ return to the club is a “done deal”, despite the dual-code star no longer being of this Earth.
The story goes to print after sources quote “good mail” spotting his ghost floating past the Easts Leagues Club on the way to meeting his maker.
The sighting is sufficient to prove the Kiwi’s Tweet of 72 years previous to be a comeback announcement, finally signifying he really does want to be “apart” from the All Blacks and not “a part”, as nobody ever makes spelling errors on social media.
As for the contractual hurdle of being non-existent, the media’s legal sources gleefully confirm his lifetime agreement with Nick Politis extends to include The Great Beyond.
They also debunk concerns Williams may struggle with the rigours of a return to the professional ranks, with independent medical advice revealing his idle chassis being would require less medical attention than Josh Dugan.
AAP Image/Action Photographics, Renee McKay
The New Zealand Rugby Union also declare they won’t stand in the way, confirming the dual international will not be considered in the All Blacks’ plans for the 2083 World Cup due to a “lack of presence”.
In response, the NRL denies an approach has been received from Williams’ management, and that accommodating his return would be a “low priority” as they continue focusing on their crackdown on the play-the-ball.
The Roosters also deny any talks have taken place, but admit to bearing the abundance of salary cap space required to sign the superstar following an audit from an independent financial specialist, Jake Friend Junior.
The club also concedes being enticed by the prospect of recruiting a dead person, as at least it won’t flee to Toulon in the middle of the night.
When approached for comment on the rumours, the cross-code superstar was tight-lipped.
However, those close to him believe he is attracted by the prospect of creating history as sport’s inaugural cross-code cadaver, and the first inanimate object to play first grade since Tony Williams.
While mourning his client’s passing, Williams’ agent, Khoder Nasser, remains available to discuss marketing opportunities.
the shafe
Guest
ha ha ha ahaaa ha ha haaa ha ahaaa haa ha haaa haa ha haaa ahaaa ha ha
MAX
Guest
Birdy, 81/19 with review at end of season.
Birdy
Guest
No need to worry there Nicki. By 2080 God would have been well and truly reasoned out of our need to exist criteria. By then we will know and recognise our true gods of Hollywood as our spiritual guides. Third party agreements and infact contracts will not be needed. All employees will be hired by use of their mummy CVs. Mummy said I'm beautiful, clever and can do anything I want. Once in the job to get a pay rise or anything else, just throwing a tantrum.
Birdy
Guest
Thank you MAX. I hope that brilliant at times is 75/25 not 25/75.?
NickoM1960
Guest
Further, fans ore outraged that yet again the Roosters are rorting TPA's, claiming that a TPA with God is outside the 'spirit' of the game. "How can they get him under the salary cap?" they scream.
MAX
Guest
Birdy, You are f'ing brilliant. (at times) May your season be plentiful.
Emcie
Roar Guru
well that escalated quickly
Birdy
Guest
MAX, By 2080 internal combustion engines will go the same way as gender specific sporting logos. Can you imagine when the left wakes up to the fact that logos such as Roosters, Chiefs Stallions are male orientated, along with colours that resemble pink or blue are not gender neutral . Well I think by then our macho 50's orientated world sporting culture will be dragged into line. Not to mention SBW's name, it's very male, Sonny. While both genders , or should I say ,all genders will be allowed to choose any name they want disregarding the male , female tradional names, eg you could call your child , with no male parts David, or your child with male parts ,Mary. But Sonny, how offensive. That is so gender specific.
Paul
Roar Guru
SBW must have been having a "cofefe" moment when he decided to make his "apart" comment online
MAX
Guest
Psst! Dane, did you know Sonny has a petrol engine. Nic would have to convert him to a Special Edition Diesel Ranger to make the final season(s) pay. Better still, seek out Adrian Morley for a comeback.
Edward Kelly
Roar Guru
He has the best manager. Drip feeding the media. Keeping up the interest, also keep up his $$$$$.
i miss the force
Guest
Maybe by that time we could have mundine v green 35?
Gurudoright
Guest
Nah, that’s just Jarrod Hayne
Phill
Guest
I thought he was going to the NFL or EPL , probably NHL. Oops it could be rumors though.