Exercising his privileges as a losing coach, Kevin Walters has non-ironically referenced the ails of social media when providing reasons for the Maroons’ inept Origin campaign.
Walters blamed the internet to reporters on Monday, firstly by blasting “idiot” keyboard warriors, before going on to complete the holy trinity by also sledging the refs and Lady Luck.
It is Walters’ inaugural condemnation of social media as a coach, and coincides with his first Origin series with a side severely unsaturated in otherworldly talent.
Many believe he had no choice but to attack the trolls after losing blue-chip talent like Johnathan Thurston, Cooper Cronk and Cameron Smith, who withdrew because he had to attend a wedding.
The Queensland clipboard holder now joins a long line of other coaches who have indiscriminately blasted whimsical external factors after coming to the realisation they probably don’t know what they are doing.
However, Walters has already attempted to remedy his directionless blame game by selecting Daly Cherry-Evans for Game 3.
AAP Image/Action Photographics, Grant Trouville
In a fine mark of respect, Walters waited almost eight days after the 18-14 loss in Sydney as a nod to the Blues’ decade-long war against the vile and repugnant folk of the online community.
While not specifying, it is believed the coach was mostly taken aback by jarring and unidentifiable online feedback such as “ressie graders Ben Hunt Jarrod Wallace can’t tie a shoe should never play again aye lol”.
Walters firmly believed online bashing may have contributed to low morale and crap grubbers, with the coach confirming some players in the squad could possibly have social media.
The coach admitted being caught off-guard by the web after never hearing Mal Meninga complain about it once while he pocketed eight series on the trot with the greatest team of all time.
In fact, Walters was seemingly unaware the vile backwater existed before 2018, when Origin was a piece of cake, and that all online discourse on rugby league had been unreservedly congenial until he let down his state.
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He further elaborated, stating he was mostly upset by social media’s indelible transformation of humankind’s behaviours via the vehicle of convenient connectivity to an unadulterated platform for all manner of unverified puerile boneheads, and its cruel GIFs.
Still reeling from its bottomless debasement of societal standards, Walters declared such online abuse is something nobody should ever have to deal with, except if you’re Greg Bird or anyone from New South Wales.
Public reaction has been split towards his sentiments, with sceptics believing he is conveniently invoicing the internet for Queensland’s mass retirement of unconquerable beings, while others simply saying he’s just an old dude who “doesn’t understand the Twitters”.
Prior to Game 3, Walters will enquire to the NRL if Brad Fittler’s side was also exposed to social media to ensure an even playing field.
Kim
Guest
Fair go mate. Hardcore blues supporter and hate qld to the bone here... Walters didn't blame the refs for the loss. Have a lot of respect for him cause of this. Fake news. Listen to the press conference after games 1 and 2
kk
Guest
Strewth Dane, You can sure break a tackle when you fire up. KW is caught in a political maelstrom causing him to speak in Double Dutch, the preferred language of tormented Twitterers, deemed by many to be uninterpretable. It was mooted that KW was next in line to succeed Barnaby Bennett at the Broncos. The QRL is a political organisation run by a wealthy clique with the full support of brainwashed bananalanders. Trying to stay in favour with those three groups is beyond the biggest ask in Rugby League. Like Peter Costello he may never attain the position he considered his natural right and progression. Spare a thought for KW. If O3 goes 3-0 he may well be walking the plank, listed as lost at sea. A friendly Albatross left to search in vain.
Peter
Guest
Still ShOUTING, I see. Still NOTHING to say.
Albatross
Guest
The ship hasn’t sunk TR, merely returned to port for some long overdue maintenance and a refuel after countless years of raiding, pillaging and pummeling the hapless southern soft blue brigade. It’ll sail again. Best you enjoy the respite... and thank your lucky stars that Smith didn’t play!
Paul
Roar Guru
Kevvie's actually peaked too early in the blame game for this year. He really should have waited till after the last game, as he's run out of people to blame. Maybe he could pick on the oldies at the back of Suncorp who are knitting Maroon beanies and not paying attention
Richard POWELL
Roar Rookie
He might copy Freddie and ban mobile phones.
Taree Raider
Guest
Kevie, its hard at the top. How many games did QLD win in Origin only because of the brilliance of SMITH, CRONK & SLATER. It was never going to go well without them all steering the ship. Statistics will show SMITH to be one of the greats. But was he the rat that jumped off the sinking QLD ship? If ever there was a time that QLD needed him it was this series. I guess its hard to be a loyal QLD'er living in Melbourne.