Battle of the blondes: Faf versus Ned and other hairy questions

Bald fans and balding coaches can be grumpy, but bountifully blonde ball-players like Ned Hanigan and Faf de Klerk seem always in good cheer.

Their hair bounces and bobs and weaves.

Ned and Faf were designated to field press questions in Port Elizabeth this week. Faf praised the ‘vibe’ in the Springbok camp, while Ned said the Wallabies were having “hard conversations”.

Ned is nicknamed ‘Shed’, but he has not shed much of his hair, yet. During his debut season, he was asked what shampoo he uses. He did not know. “Whatever mum has in there.”

Faf knows what shampoo he uses. Faf is a product man. He’s metro. He even pitches a ‘body sorbet’ and prides himself on the smoothness of his skin, and the sheen of his coif.

Surprisingly, Ned is more of a country boy than Faf. He was raised in Coonamble, which has one radio station and two churches. Faf is from Nelspruit, which has a few more people and 80 times more churches.

Both are scratch golfers. In fact, they have a lot in common, in addition to their Asterix hair.

Ned’s rugby hero is a halfback. He is on video saying Justin Marshall was his idol as a boy. It’s not clear if this adulation was based on Marshall’s playing style, commentary style, or hairstyle.

Similarly, Faf’s hero is a halfback from a rival team: George Gregan “for the way he controlled the game”.

Ned says he is “a lock who thinks he’s a six”. Faf is a nine who thinks he is a six. He blitzes opposing backs like he is an NFL strong safety or weak-side linebacker deciphering the snap count.

Coach Michael Cheika also thinks Ned is a six. South Africa has a lock-flank, too: the passionate Pieter-Steph du Toit, who was the toast of world rugby last week. PSDT could give Ned PTSD.

Faf lives in Manchester, which is almost in Wales. Ned lives in New South Wales.

Ned Hanigan and his lustrous hair. (Photo by Mark Kolbe/Getty Images)

Ned is about ten inches taller than Faf, and more than 30 kilograms heavier. But why do you get the feeling that Rassie Erasmus would not hesitate to put Faf in the air at a lineout if needed?

Faf was the Sale Sharks’ player of the year in 2018. Ned was the 2017 Rookie of the Year.

In the PE press conference, Ned was asked about the trip to PE. He said it was a “big trip, with a few delays” and that they had to “chuck bags left and right.” Ned seemed a bit sleepy, actually.

Asked to predict how the Test match will go and if the Wallabies can rebound from the Gold Coast loss, Ned said the “Boks will do exactly what they did in New Zealand: all we have to do is make a few changes and counteract what the Boks did in that game; I think it was in Nelson.”

Ned explained: “We can’t kick stones. We have to grab it by the balls.” The press room was quiet, as this country wisdom was digested. It was not clear what ‘it’ was and whose stones and whose balls were to be kicked and grabbed, respectively.

Faf was more new age. The “vibe” was up, “belief is up” and “the guys can now see our potential” so that the “bar is set higher now”. Faf says in the two real losses of 2018, at Mendoza and in Brisbane, the Boks created enough opportunities, but did not convert at a 70 per cent rate, which is the goal. He thinks if the Boks convert seven out of ten trips into the 22, they would be unbeaten so far.

Ned may get a start this weekend at the Nelson Mandela Bay stadium. The Boks are hard to beat in PE, but they rarely play there. Australia has only played in PE four times (and lost all four), averaging only 6.5 points scored per match. The last time the Wallabies played in PE, it was at the old Boet Erasmus stadium in 1963, and the home team won to even the famous series 2-2.

Faf De Klerk for the Springboks

But the welcome to country at PE was superb. The Boks all wore Madiba shirts, evoking the great man’s style. Beast Mtwarira and David Pocock both grew up in Zimbabwe, with drastically different stories, but there they were, celebrating Nelson Mandela’s legacy, at a banquet. There were DHP and Handre Pollard having a chat, too.

Faf spent most of his time chatting with Kurtley Beale at the welcome event, but near the end, there was the money shot. Faf and Ned having a laugh, their hair moving as if in slow motion, Ned’s a little wirier, like a wire brush, perhaps not as frequently moisturised.

Whose golden hair will get the rub of the green?