If accountants ran a team at the World Cup, it would almost certainly be Ireland.
This team, so astonishingly devoid of creativity, has become a walking spreadsheet in recent years.
The ever-irritating Irish fan-base, which is becoming a ubiquitous evil in the game, uses all sorts of mental gymnastics to deny the fact that their team is horrendously uninspiring to watch.
There is no risk this Irish team considers taking.
Moving the ball more than three metres wide of the ruck? Can’t do that.
Doing anything other than kicking for territory and playing for penalties? Can’t do that.
Truth be told, my grudge against Irish rugby goes back to 2011 when they beat the Wallabies at Eden Park.
Aside from the Wallabies putting in a typically incoherent performance in the wet weather, Ireland’s point blank failure to play that game in good faith was a rugby abomination.
The abuse of the overpowered drop goal and the shrill tone of Bryce Lawrence’s (now silent) whistle come to mind.
This game also saw the emergence of the now infamous “choke tackle”, which has been toned down somewhat but remains close to being rugby’s most abusable game mechanic.
Under the guidance of treasonous Australian assistant coach Les Kiss (raid that, Federal Police), Ireland systematically pumped the life out of the game, and played a brand of rugby that has undeniably damaged the game’s interest around the world.
Attempts to de-power the choke tackle were met with intransigence and disbelief from Irish authorities, shocked that the world was uninterested in watching PwC consultants play rugby.
You’d think after that spiteful rant I would be cheering on rugby’s family friendly, entertainment loving, values based All Blacks. Absolutely not.
I hope Ireland find yet another dishonest way to abuse rugby’s poorly written laws on Saturday. A brand new gimmick, so insultingly disingenuous to the game it will be changed just in time for England’s game the following week.
I want Ireland to beat New Zealand 27–26, by scoring six penalties and three drop goals. At no point in the game do I want these spreadsheet fanatics to even consider the prospect of playing the game the way god intended, and scoring tries, not kicks.
I want them to attempt to hold up every New Zealand tackler that comes at them, I want them to collapse every scrum and reset it five times.
I want to watch their fan-base give a standing ovation to every last scrum penalty, every last drop goal and every one out run that Ireland comes up with.
Amid all this, I’m hoping several Queens council lawyers will be called in to deliberate on esoteric referrals to the TMO, and push the games finishing time out until the wee hours of the morning.
After all, when Ireland’s playing, who cares?
Jacko
Guest
LOL Miz....90-100 million and still cant get past the 1/4s
Jacko
Guest
Terrence it was only the 3rd generation Samoan descendants from the Crusaders that did choke tackles...or was it 4th generation? I cant be sure...
Clash
Roar Pro
What a nasty, completely pointless, piece of utter rubbish. How on earth was this crap allowed to be published? I really do despair of The Roar sometimes. Where are all the decent stories about today's quarter finals? Only a couple I can see.
Munsterman
Roar Rookie
While union in Australia has imploded, the game in Ireland is going from strength to strength. In some random red-neck Aussie writers viewpoint the average Irish fan is somehow a moron,yet we turn out and support our teams, I'd say per head of population there's probably more Irish supporters in Japan than any other nation. Now the way we play might turn some of you average Australian supporters off the game but to be fair most of ye are fair weather fans who don't turn up anyway. If we're lucky enough to beat nz tmrw by 9-7, us with 3 drop-goals to an absolute worldie of a try from nz, then every Irish fan will be delirious. Our players will play the way our kiwi coach wants them to, he's a well respected man up here. Why exactly would we take on nz at their game?
IrelandsCall
Roar Rookie
:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:
Sgt Pepperoni
Roar Rookie
Well that was hilarious I admire them for the way they play. I love that you can win by playing so many different ways. Vive le rugby
crocodile
Guest
"I want them to attempt to hold up every New Zealand tackler that comes at them" Good luck. Retallick and Whitelock will have field days. Bring it on.
Sadly close enough that Terrence can make a return trip every four years, just in time to make it for the RWC :crying:
Old Bugger
Guest
And, 100M of these folk could well become a problem in rugby terms mz....why, cos they believe 2 wins in 100 -102years or something like that, deserves to lift their dinosauric past players up into the echelons of commentary, that the rest of the global fraternity, will take notice....!! I would suggest otherwise but what the heck, who am I compared to a couple of dinosaurs.....??
mzilikazi
Roar Pro
"After all, when Ireland’s playing, who cares?" About 90 to 100 million people worldwide do ! They are of Irish descent. Oh, and also those Irish born....an elite group that many envy !!
HenryHoneyBalls
Guest
Quite a few teams kick more than Ireland. You dont seem to understand Ireland's game plan at all.
taylorman
Roar Guru
Nice :laughing:
F
Guest
Its funny how you are criticising Ireland for being a team of solid respectability and hardwork who have an excellent record over the last four years. In comparison you fail to mention the rife abandonment of rugby in Australian and it lack of creativity and quality. Best of luck getting hammered by England at the weekend. While we may be excellent accountants and business people what does this Australian team symbolise for your country, bluster, bubbles waiting to pop, overall social degradation?
Dave
Guest
You seem to be on a completely different planet to everyone else, what is it called and how far from our Galaxy is it?
Vesi Tagoiagea
Roar Rookie
Crusaders won 8 super rugby titles playing extremely boring, c’mon your knowledge of rugby is very minute.
Bobby
Roar Rookie
Great read !
Lara
Guest
The path to glory....ABs, the Poms n The Boks or Wales.....Ireland will be so bugged and their lack of depth with injury prone Sexton leading the charge, will make a good story n we all know, the Irish love telling stories .....hopeful the story will be more lively than their play.....the movie would be interesting....kick, kick, kick....more kicking... run 1 metre, collapse onto the ground, recycle, do it again, kick, kick.....and the for the exciting bit.....scrum....15 mins setting up.... kick, kick....repeat scripts...... 3 hour epic......then off to the Oscar for best movie.
Andy J
Roar Rookie
Didn’t watch super rugby??
terrence
Roar Rookie
the choke tackle was made popular by the canterbury crusaders..another team that plays extremely boring footy..