It’s time we got serious about promoting the amazing skills of Aussie rules.
With the coming of the Olympics it’s the perfect opportunity to think about those skills in a purely athletic context.
I am sure any skill no matter how subtle or seemingly endemic (poor choice of words) could be isolated out from the game context and given some kind of Olympic treatment.
We see many skills incorporated in training drills and it’s a cool thing to watch when you connect the drill to the game and its ability to turn a passage of play.
The shimmy is one that is largely unsung as a stat but can open up congestion in a split second. It’s often the role of fleet-footed defenders whose reputation is built more on the dour acts of smother and tackle.
If you could put a camera under the field looking up at the footwork on display and slow down the speed we could appreciate the fleetness of feet.
Of course the brilliance of the shimmy is its surprise factor. How do you factor in mystery to a known event? Come to think of it the shimmy needs help if it is ever to become an Olympic event.
The hundred-metre bounce sprint has no such issue. This blue-ribbon event would give the boring normal hundred metres race the kick up the bum it could do with from time to time.
It’s so easy to bolt to the finish line unhampered but give that man an Aussie rules ball to bounce and all of a sudden we have a brave new dimension to venture into.
Enter Lance Franklin and his colossal cantering with high bounces thrilling the very notion of physics and angle control under serious momentum. Well you know what I mean.
(Quinn Rooney/Getty Images)
Could the race be decided by a single bounce near the finish line? How many bounces is the right amount per meterage and is 100 metres the right distance to define the skill?
Maybe 20 bounces would be too much but maybe not? Who knows? This is getting crazy.
Now we’re hitting the heights. The crossbar high mark competition is an idea glorious in conception but the delivery of the ball for the actual marking is fraught with contradictions.
You need the run-up for the aesthetics and if the ball is delivered by a teammate it ceases to become an individual activity.
How can the solo athlete and his awkward social skills toil away for eternity honing his crossbar high marking technique when he needs a teammate? Of course, why didn’t I think of it before?
The own throw is tantamount. The further and higher the throw goes the more speed and height possible for the jolly jumper.
Could some freaky footy athlete challenge high jumping’s own incredible statistics? All our high flying leapers would be queuing up for this one but given the prestige and accolades, a betting man would have to look no further than any of the Brisbane forwards… or there is the Bulldogs ‘Astro Boy’ Aaron Naughton.
Basing an event on an individual AFL star with an athletics background is never going to work but as a mental exercise Mark Blicavs has to have his own event.
Other events are the bounce hurdles, steeple chase down tackle, ruck ‘n’ wrestle, lead in high dive, puddle swim, sharp shooting, torp-athlon, boundary punch boxing, interchange weightlifting and of course the off-bike cycling when a player loses their temper or gets off his bike as they say.
Hang on, maybe we could have Olympic events for emotional control… don’t tell Hollywood or the Oscars might be in big trouble.
Republican
Guest
.....concur that the Olympics has been dumbed down, reaching a saturation of 'product'. This commercially motivated growth dilutes the cultural capital of many established international disciplines and their respective accolades. The games resemble an agglomeration of tackiness truth be told, that is about expanding a market for the behemoth networks, rather than providing audiences with a quality experience that showcases elite athletes in traditional disciplines that otherwise lack broad commercial exposure.
Republican
Guest
......read my response to Cat. Same applies to yourself DA.
Republican
Guest
Cat & DA, the fact is that holding these elite sporting fixtures is paradoxically putting more businesses under sustained duress rather than supporting them across the board, pampering to the self perpetuation i.e. the obscene sporting industry. You can all get your dose of plastic sports froth and bubble in the comfort of your sanitised home entertainment, have a punt or three and keep everyone healthy and safe at the same time. Security et el is not reliant on these events to keep their head above water while many more small businesses do not rely on AFL fixtures to endure these challenging times. The present lock down would not have occurred had it not been for the seductive allure of a live footy fixture and that's the long and the short of it. Don't offer live fixtures, just don't do it. Yours is not an unexpected retort. You typify so many contributors to a sporting community i.e. this, 'sport' being a contradiction in terms. As far as coming across as anything at all, can I simple say stooping to personal vilification is hardly engaging your brain. I believe you could well serve us all by disengaging yours momentarily, to step outside your sports centric culture bubble, there are so many places of substance to explore in deriving meaning beyond sport. This country needs to grow up and shift its social and cultural sentience beyond this myopic obsession it has with 'sport' amongst others. Good day and good luck to you both.
Puntroad
Roar Rookie
Funny piece - thanks. But seriously, with any luck the raging bin inferno of these games will destroy the overblown economy destroying edifice of the Olympics as they have become. Time to take a chainsaw to them and bring them back to a quarter of their present size. And investigate all IOC members for corruption/bribery.
Devil's advocate
Guest
Go and tell all the security and ground staff whether they would still be employed if sport was cancelled. Go and tell all the cameramen and sound engineers whether they would be able to pick up some work without sport. They are freelance, not on the network payrolls you know? All the admin staff at the clubs that would lose their jobs. The AFL and NRL are direct employers of thousands of people, and indirect employers of ten fold of that.
Cat
Roar Guru
And how many hundreds of thousands more people will be incomeless if sporting competitions are shut down? You try to pass yourself off as so knowledgeable and educated but you come up with some of the poorest thought through ideas. Engage your brain before soapboxing
Republican
Guest
There should be NO Olympics. There should be zero tolerance of live sporting events while COVID remains a high community transmission risk. There are those I know who are staring down the barrel of yet another austere lockdown that will render them income less. This is untenable for so many casual employees who struggle to pay their rent let alone put tucker on the table. Thanks to the AFL for facilitating yet another contagious episode across Melbourne and indeed the state. Our obsessive sporting culture that justifies the bestowing of special privilege to sporting businesses, during these fickle pandemic times is a blight on Australian society and demonstrates the abject double standard inherent throughout.
His Lordship Juan Antonio Samaranch
Guest
Australian football was in the 1956 Olympics in Melbourne. Lindsay Gaze played before he took up basketball. The Americans get to have baseball. The Europeans get soccer(under 23s), 7s rugby union, handball and other niche sports, so why not Australian football? FIFA should be told you field your best teams or you are out. Same with rugby, this chopped down version of their sport is an insult. Has anyone seen a rugby 7s 'club' and kids playing it? How does the Olympics come up with this drivel? Any wonder people are losing interest. I think Gaelic hurling should be in as well as our football. Soccer and rugby 7s should be dumped like a bad habit. It might take 50 years, but the world needs to learn these great games.