He has grudges, grievances and pets, but how does Eddie Jones still have his job as England coach?

Subtract the Italy cakewalks and what does Eddie have? Nine wins in his last 26 Six Nations Tests. Only Italy have fared worse.

Whilst Ireland and France are at the adult table, with Scotland sliding their chair up sheepishly, England — with the most money, depth, and analytics — is relegated to the little kiddie’s table with Wales and Italy.

Once again, England have lost the Calcutta Cup and a Grand Slam chance in the first round.

The man most responsible for that loss is Eddie.

He yanked Marcus Smith off, up only seven points, failed to bring Jamie George on in time to throw into a 5m lineout, prepared for that scenario by nominating Joe Marler as his lineout quarterback, didn’t allow Elliot Daly to do the one thing — kick from way out — he can do very well, and forgot Henry Slade has a left boot for corner kicks (he’s done it for Exeter all year) so George Ford scuffed a 9m boot that didn’t even make the 22.

On first phase play, after a solid scrum, not far from points, Daly had no support and the game was gone. All of Edinburgh sang. The Princess bestowed the Cup. Eddie made excuses.

Coaching, a good coach, would have changed every single one of those outcomes.

You pull a form flyhalf because the game is already won or he has a niggle. Eddie has now said he lacked GPS data at Murrayfield. Did Smith look spent to the naked eye? Come on, mate. He was the peppiest player on the pitch.

Eddie now says he has a 4-part dialectic to decide replacements. I thought they were “finishers,” mate?

I fell asleep listening to the four parts of his flow chart, but I caught “momentum” in there.

What momentum did Smith lack? He’d scored all 17 of England’s points. If he had good service, he’d have had a shot at seven more in the first half.

Eddie Jones. (Photo by David Rogers/Getty Images)

Just admit you got it wrong, and not only in retrospect. At the moment, every sane observer asked “Why?”

Finn Russell took it personally. You’re up seven in my house with plenty of time to go and you bring in the night watchman? A custodian won’t do it. Finn unleashed tricks and presto: 17-17. Now what? Would you rather have hot Smith or cold Ford on in a tied Test?

Has Ford ever taken over a Test? He’s a good flyhalf, but not a star at international level. Finn was in one of his moods. Backfire.

There were other players Eddie could’ve pulled if he was watching the same match I was: Ben Youngs’ service was slow and off target.

All that good ball wasted with wobbly, high passes from the basis.

Did he ever pop up in promising spots on attack like the Scottish backup 9 did in the first half try?

Why has Eddie never, ever identified a second scrumhalf for England? He canned Danny Care ages ago, but honestly, if Care and Smith were on the pitch at 80 minutes with an attacking scrum in the middle of the pitch and England down 17-20, one feels they’d have given a red hot go at the win.

The way Eddie has managed Ford, only sliding him into the squad when Owen Farrell was out, did not give the Leicester man confidence.

Speaking of players Eddie has given the runaround, what of Jamie George? When has that man ever failed his country? So why was Marler taking a throw after the starting hooker gave up a penalty try? What part of the 4-pronged algorithm dictated the joker make the most vital throw of the match?

Scenarios are rehearsed by coaches. If not, players panic.

Whether to kick (for 20-20 with time to go and even a miss resulting in possession back at halfway) for poles or the corner is a coaching choice. So is the identity of the kicker. Ford barely scared the 22 line with his feeble effort.

In that locale, Scotland could put two men in the air without worrying the lifting pods could not repel a maul.

Slade could’ve got inside ten metres, and it would have been touch and go for the Scots.

Eddie has lived off his honeymoon Grand Slam and a semifinal over the All Blacks, never had a proper reckoning, coached league and lacrosse and corporate execs and swordplay, but has never copped it straight on the chin.

The closest he’s come is after the World Cup final: he says he should’ve started Marler and Farrell. Really? That’s 20 points?

Marcus Smith in action for England during a Guinness Six Nations match between Scotland and England at BT Murrayfield, on February 05, 2022, in Edinburgh, Scotland. (Photo by Ross MacDonald/SNS Group via Getty Images)

Farrell and Marler were last seen waving g’bye to Cheslin Kolbe as he started the party.

Eddie is a liability to English rugby now. He has grudges. He has grievances. He has pets.

He was dragged into starting Smith but diminishes him. He is still Farrelized. He has no backup plan for nine, even though that deficit was one of the key reasons he lost the final.

The midfield has no answers. 13 is at 12 and a fullback at 13 and the wings are centers. Manu will be the answer, until he’s hurt.

Joe Launchbury would’ve been a far better look at wet Murrayfield than two error-prone locks who prefer six.

He seems to have a crush on Tom Curry, preferring him at 8 over Alex Dombrandt for two years, only to prevaricate between Curry, Dombrandt, and Sam Simmonds in the most important moments of the game.

Eddie is a game late and an apology shy.

Luke Cowan-Dickie said he was sorry to England. Eddie says he has no regrets and would do it all the same.

Is he daring RFU to fire him?