Griffin extended, Magic Round goes regional: The rugby league headlines to come in 2023

Like almost every other season, 2022 has thrown up some great rugby league stories, some heartwarming, some depressing, some positive, some negative, and some just beyond belief.

I’m tipping 2023 won’t be any different and that the game will be in the headlines nearly every day for some reason, as clubs, players, coaches, administrators and fans all do their best to fuel the 24-hour news cycle.

Here’s a sample of the news that may be coming our way in 2023.

Anthony Griffin has his Dragons coaching contract is extended until the end of 2028 following Saints’ 15-9 victory in extra time over the Titans in Round 5 of the competition, just their second victory for the season. The club also announces key signings for the 2024 season in Dunamis Lui, Mitch Rein and Jarrod Croker.

Bronson Xerri’s ban for using performance enhancing drugs finally comes to an end and he promptly signs with Cronulla for the 2024 season and beyond. The former 95kg centre hasn’t wasted his time off during his suspension though, and now, at a muscular 125kgs, will most likely pack down in the front row for the Sharks.

Canterbury coach Cameron Ciraldo firms in the betting as the next coach to be punted when the Dogs find themselves in 12th place at the end of Round 10. Bulldogs supremo Phil Gould denies that the coach has lost his support, saying that “Cameron will be coaching the Bulldogs long after I’m gone”.

(Photo by Mark Kolbe/Getty Images)

The once prestigious Dally M awards night descends into utter chaos, all betting is suspended, and the NSW Fraud Squad is called in, after progressive counting to Round 22 reveals that Newcastle playmaker Adam Clune has an unassailable lead in the competition.

Eels fans, armed with pitchforks, and carrying tar and feathers and a burning cross, march on the Parramatta Leagues Club demanding answers after Parramatta once again fails to win a premiership for the 37th consecutive year. Merger talks with Penrith are rumored to be well under way as coach Brad Arthur and the Eels Board are seen boarding a 6am flight to South America.

Future Rainbow Rounds have been indefinitely suspended after the 2023 Round 10 debacle saw some squads reduced to just 15 or 16 players, as the LGBTQ+ intolerant refused to play on the new rainbow-coloured grounds.

Grand Final attendance is the lowest on record, at just 14,252 (including players, coaches, trainers and ball boys), after Peter V’landys makes good with his threat, and accepts the highest bid for the big game from the Warrnambool City Council. On a positive note, the funds raised from the bid allow the NRL to increase its ever-growing property portfolio in the Brisbane CBD.

Heads roll after it is revealed that the NRL Magic Round took on a whole new meaning when bunker officials were found to be under the influence of magic mushrooms during Suncorp’s three-day festival of football. Curiously, most pundits agreed that it was the first time the bunker seemed to get every decision 100 per cent correct.

Kevin Walters’ Broncos outfit fades badly late in the season, conceding 103 points in their last four games to once again miss the finals. Alarm bells should have sounded at Red Hill earlier in the season when noted turnstile Darius Boyd was appointed as the club’s defensive coach.

David Fifita becomes the first NRL match official on a $1 million-plus contract, when he is finally given the linesman’s flag in the Titans’ Round 3 clash against Souths.

Manly maestro Scott Penn announces a reward of $250,000 for information regarding the whereabouts of coach Anthony Seibold, who hasn’t been seen since he attended a Manly Old Boys fishing day at the deep end of the Narrabeen Lagoon, following the club’s seventh consecutive loss for the season. Des Hasler returns to the club as interim coach.

Andrew Voss finally comes clean and admits on NRL 360 that he’s been hopelessly in love with the sound of his own voice for the last 20 years, and he announces his intention to marry himself as part of the half-time entertainment at the 2023 Grand Final.

Peter V’landys steps down as chair of the ARLC after the other members withdraw their rapidly dwindling support following his latest idea which allows online audience voting via the new Bunker App to decide captain’s challenges. “It’s what the fans want” he screamed, as he was dragged out of the building. New chairman Wayne Pearce vows to “take the game back to the golden era of the 1980s”, where it belongs.

(Photo by Mark Kolbe/Getty Images)

Queensland win yet another Origin series when they clean sweep NSW. Blues coach Brad Fittler misses both Games 2 and 3 after suffering a crippling paspalum grass infection following his team’s traditional barefoot grass romp. Captain James Tedesco and five other players NSW players are also hospitalised with the same ailment. Suncorp ground keeper Alfie Langer was unavailable for comment.

Redcliffe finally get their marquee signing when the 2023 English Super League Man of Steel, Matt Dufty, signs with the Dolphins for the 2024 and 2025 seasons.

Mal Meninga steps down as Australian coach after another embarrassing jersey debacle in the ANZAC Test match. Still reluctant to give players jerseys that simply correspond to their playing positions, they are issued after a round robin of “rock, paper, scissors” between the squad members. It’s later revealed that although not even selected in the 17, Meninga personally presents the 7 jersey to Daly Cherry-Evans.

Aaron Woods has the last laugh when he is recalled to both the NSW and Australian sides at the age of 32. Unfortunately, his representative selection triggers a contract option in his favour which will now see him at the Dragons until the end of 2027.

Talking head Michael Ennis is rushed to hospital mid-game, and placed into an induced coma to stabilise his condition, after swallowing his tongue while attempting to correctly pronounce the names of both Cronulla centre Jenson Taumoepeau and rising Newcastle five-eighth Krystian Mapapalangi in the same sentence.

Wests Tigers prove that three giant egos are just two too many in the coaching box, as their clipboard partnership of Tim Sheens, Benji Marshall and Robbie Farah rapidly descends into chaos, bickering, blame swapping and even alleged fisticuffs. Just like the old days. In the end, the Tigers hold off spirited challenges by both Manly and the Titans to be the first back-to-back spoon “winners” since Newcastle in 2016/17.

So, what do you reckon? Can any of this be next year’s news? What stories are you looking forward to?