The home of cricket, the highest profile contest in their calendar, and Australia chose that particular moment to produce a performance that shouldn’t live long in their memories, but will for all the wrong reasons.
I’ve witnessed some inept efforts over the years but that is up there with the finest, if that is the right choice of phrase.
No thought, no plan, no fortitude, no backbone, no application, nothing.
Ryan Harris is a notable exception and Peter Siddle probably deserves a mention in patches, but that’s about it.
There were two teams in attendance at St John’s Wood but only one of them was playing cricket and it most definitely wasn’t the tourists.
To be beaten is one thing, to be toyed with the manner of a cat playing with a recently caught rodent is another and to lose by such a considerable margin with a day to spare will only add to the embarrassment.
Michael Clarke’s men were outplayed to such a degree that is is bordering on the shocking to see how far they have slipped from the all-conquering outfit that used to routinely annihilate their English counterparts.
Obviously their showing at Trent Bridge a few days earlier was an aberration – my sincerest apologies for stating in last week’s article that ‘the Aussies aren’t as poor as some think’ – and Lord’s was the form book being well and truly played out.
Before the series began, anyone with any cricketing nous would have known that England had the superior players, they were in the better form and that their tag as favourites was well deserved.
They would also have noticed that Australia’s batting was a serious Achilles heel, they were in no form of any sort and that the bookies were rightly viewing them as underdogs.
Lord’s was the manifestation of all of the above.
There are myriad reasons for an empire crumbling – just where is a Roman historian when you need one? – but the most blatant in this case is the dearth of batsmen who meet the required standard.
The Aussies, in the shape of Clarke, have one player who is world class but only a couple more who could even be considered as being up to international cricket standard.
Shane Watson? He could, and should, be.
Chris Rogers? Maybe, but his calling has come too late.
Ed Cowan? No.
Usman Khawaja? He might be but not yet.
Phil Hughes? There are glimpses but consistency isn’t his friend.
Steve Smith? You’re having a laugh.
That is without mentioning David Warner who certainly has the ability but hasn’t surfaced as of yet.
That does not a successful Test match side make and until this problem is dealt with, what took place in North London will continue to occur.
It can be mightily difficult to reverse such a downturn in form and if England keep their foot on the gas it isn’t going to happen in this series.
No runs equals no positive results and as for the Ashes, even at such an early stage?
Game over.
On another point, with the kind of timing that eluded the national side’s batsmen, Cricket Australia chose the most inappropriate moment to release news of the Big Bash League.
Ignore the fact that a proliferation of the shortest form of the game has undoubtedly played a part in the shortcomings of those with bat in hand and just notice the unstated but bleedingly obvious notion that money-making has superseded cricketing excellence for Cricket Australia.
The country that used to have the most robust and productive domestic game in the world has jumped into bed, no questions asked, with the format that offers just that bit extra bit of proverbial cleavage.
And what you saw at Lord’s were the painful consequences of that ill-judged affair.
Richard
Guest
Sutherland will go down in history as the architect and conductor of Australia's humiliating demise in the Ashes... And so he should. The Ashes is above money grubbing. Its about preparing players for the ultimate contest even if that means forgoing the cash. Shame Sutherland shame!
JGK
Roar Guru
Not quite. Sutho does have a lot of money.
jamesb
Guest
"No thought, no plan, no fortitude, no backbone, no application, nothing.” Actually that describes James Sutherland's leadership.
James
Guest
no the problem with green tops is that when you score 50 on a green top its drinks all round and when you fail its because the bowlers had an unfair advantage. australian batsmen dont understand what it is to not score a run for 10 overs but to just block and more importantly leave the ball. the difference was best shown by khwaja in the first innings how he got out and how root in the second innings did not get out. utk kinda panicked and got out trying to hit the ball in the air and push the run rate along. root was quite happy to plod along slowly. granted root had the benefit of being 250 odd in front but the premise still stands.
Rellum
Roar Guru
So green tops that help our players learn to play the moving ball is the reason our players can't play the moving ball? So in response we should have six roads so all our batsmen can feel good about themselves? How about we go back to playing on the old shield decks, where each ground had it's own personality. Make players learn to adjust their game during the season to suite different conditions. Having all the grounds as great batting wickets will just re-enforce the poor shot selection and lack of ability our players have to pace their innings when playing overseas.
Enough Already
Guest
"looking like a Siddle-induced 5-0 whitewash"!! The hatred around here is reaching delusional proportions.
Avon River
Guest
Agreed with Brendon. Only point really to add is that those TWO tests that Bird played (v Sri Lanka in Aust) and snared the handy figures of 11 wkts at 16.18. Do you realise what Siddle did in that same series? Siddle as a first change bowler (Bird got the new pill) took 15 wkts at 16.93. Quote Bird's test stats all you want but retain the context if you want to push a head to head vs Siddle. And please - don't confuse a test quick using a FC game as a warm up vs playing serious TEST cricket vs top batting line-ups. Btw - From the outset I questioned the position of Starc (sadly vindicated) and now that Pattinson is out then lets rip into them with Rhino, Bird & Siddle and Lyon bowling hopefully steadier spin. Just need to get Haddin out of there - Wade or whomever. Also re stats plus swing talent then the guy who should be playing is Chad Sayers. Even ahead of Bird.
Osmond
Guest
Who is James O'Connor?
gatesy
Roar Guru
Warnie, Glen, MIke, Punter, Haydos, come back, all is forgiven!!
Winston
Guest
Not sure what your point is: that is was always planned that Australia's worst player would bash up England's best player, which would equal a gain for Australia??? Errr, or even further, that Mickey Arthur orchestrated the whole conspiracy, and then has been sacked by CA to cover up the whole thing?
Felix
Guest
Haha that got me good, that's sticking Disco, well played.
Disco
Roar Guru
$utherland won't mind.
Greg
Guest
When's it going to rain , we need a green top.
Chris
Guest
True, but we try... ;-)
Brendon
Guest
What a load of absolute rubbish, sack Siddle you say? He's our leading wicket taker mate, your shield stats mean nothing, from memory he played one game in the lead up to the Indian tour. Siddle has taken 11 wickets, and they were good wickets, at 25 this series, in a losing team. Compared to the other bowlers that have played both games: Anderson - 13 @ 18.03 Broad - 4 @ 43.50 Pattinson - 7 @ 43.80 Swann - 13 @ 22.07 I'd say that he's doing ok, would you not agree? Dead set, do you even watch cricket at all? The fact you would swap our number 1 bowler for Faulkner, who is ok but at best a bowling all rounder shows you know bugger all about this game, even putting Starc back in would be a joke give he can't actually hold down an end.......Siddle is, and has been our best bowler for the last two years, dropping him would be plain stupidity. You talk about averages being the best metric, go and check out Jimmy Anderson's average, it's higher than Siddle's, so by your logic he'd be one for the scrap heap as well. How is it that the batting is the problem and yet there are still parts of the "sack em all" brigade that want to sack one of the best performed bowlers in team?! Crazy
White line
Guest
100% correct Alec
Christo the Daddyo
Guest
How do you explain his 81 not out in the first Test if he's a "walking wicket"?
Christo the Daddyo
Guest
Now that Pattinson is out injured, Bird may well get a start. But it also means Siddle will play as well I guess. God help us if Harris breaks down.
Christo the Daddyo
Guest
Nobody's perfect.
nachos supreme
Guest
"No thought, no plan, no fortitude, no backbone, no application, nothing." True enough, let's hope it doesn't last for 20 years as it did for England eh?