There was a time when footy in summer was alien. It didn’t belong in the papers, it was off-topic over barbecue powwow, and if you showed up to the park with anything oval, it would be ruthlessly deflated with a stump and fed to the dog.
Now this is no longer so. With the advent of 24-hour news cycles and the need to keep A-League football at an arm’s length, our winter behemoths have shouldered in on cricket in an attempt to swallow the calendar like the gluttonous Jabba the Huts they are.
In recent years, it’s the AFL that have led the market as the gurus of year-round media domination. Using their spin on the Ludovico technique, they’ve ‘treated’ the sporting public to an unbroken stream of content that attacks from all vantage points and ceases only for toilet breaks.
Outside of a season proper that has arguably contributed to the nation’s high divorce rate, they hit us with an oversupply of factory extras like drafts, trades, internationals and combines, and to fill any remaining gaps, they employ Eddie McGuire to float in the order and pinch-hit.
What results is an ice-cold block of non-stop minutia that’s delivered in a perfect arrangement so you’ve always got Sherrin on your lips. The public’s vision is bricked up, and judging by the AFL’s state of health and the smugly satisfied look on a CEO who’s straight from a Hugo Boss advert, it seems to be working.
Up north, the NRL have attempted to mimic their southern rivals in recent years with their own version of the never-ending story. This is mainly because it’s a wonderfully grouse idea, and partially because their business acumen is a Pie Face to the AFL’s Bank of China and they’re too short of enterprise to create their own strategy.
Nevertheless, despite still being somewhat off the red hot pace set by their rivals, league has made some inroads in recent times by dotting their off-season with exhibition matches, draw announcements and jersey launches, all complemented with the grandstanding of talent being flung back and forth across the seaboard in the name of trading.
While for the mungo game this isn’t the analytical gushing over rookie data and broadcasting of balls being inflated like their counterparts, the fact is that they’re still slowly moving in on summer too. Combine their commando work with the AFL’s trojan horsing, and soon we’ll be living in a fascist footy state.
However, in the textbook style of a dictatorship that is expanding too rapidly for its own good as it becomes increasingly drunk on power and sunrays, these two organisations have recently taken their eye off the ball and stumbled on their own cretinism.
Despite accruing an impressive property portfolio of column space using the good things about their games – bar Eddie McGuire – hard work has been undone with gutter-height affairs. Now leading the charge on their off-season spotlights are stories that throw shade on the codes and cause the blokes at the top to have kittens.
I’m talking about the ASADA debacle for the AFL, and the latter-day boost in embarrassing criminal activity from the NRL and its employees.
To those AFL fans looking for peachy keen summertime yarns?
Where there once was club fatsos setting new love handle records on the caliper test after Christmas, or electric time trial efforts at altitude by your club’s gut-busting superstar, or even the humorous news of a cruel delisting, there’s now just needles and lawyers.
And for NRL fans, well, it goes a little more like this:
“Later in the show, we’ll give you everything you need to know on All Stars tickets and your club’s new signing right after we show you footage of a club captain going tinkle on the fuzz. But right now, here’s a local second-rower burning the national flag and abusing war veterans while he drink-drives with no pants on.”
Fair dinkum, these stories are drowning the drip-fed propaganda in controversial peepee, not to mention the game as a whole. At least in the season proper we can watch a game and forget about these ails, but how long will they continue to saturate the game while there’s no actual footy being played to distract us?
Hopefully ASADA should finish soon, or at least when James Hird finds a new hobby. As for feral transgressions, they’ll always have a fighting chance while ever rugby league exists. So we’re probably stuffed for the mean time.
It seemed crazy to have the hibernation period infiltrated with soft-sell stories on footy, but it was acceptable nonetheless. An A for effort from the authorities.
But now with the intolerable and interminable tales of controversy that bury the feel-good angles, I’m wishing I could just feed the whole off-season to the dog.
Any publicity is good publicity? In a footy summer, I reckon no news is good news. Wake me up in March.
Martha
Guest
Swans player Tony Smith - what era ? At least he didn't kill anyone in a pub carpark fight like Craig Field
Professor Rosseforp
Guest
Yes, it is the off season. The media may like to feed us World Championship Wrestling stories about whichever code they have a vested interest in, but we don't have to give it any attention. BTW Jabba was a Hutt, not a hut, although I suppose in terms of size, he could have been about the right dimensions.
Scott Davern
Guest
Are you sure some shots that haven't been tampered with have little bumps on his head ?
Boban
Guest
How the AFL/NRL are trying to keep the A-League out of the newspapers/off the TV when it is the AFL and NRL off-season.
Stan McCan
Guest
I am confused. What are we talking about?
Anakin
Guest
'Like' hehehe
scott
Guest
Nah, no Lions this year. We cancelled the British tour, remember?
Doc Disnick
Roar Guru
I am nominating this for the most nonsensical article of 2014. If it does not win, then I'm convinced it's going to get a podium finish in this years worst of the worst awards.
Joe Barrett
Roar Rookie
Dane , Are you serious ? Let's look at Cricket . Can you please tell me from this year how many times throughout the year we saw Australian Cricketers playing here and abroad either for their state , country , county ,or any number of T20 competitions. And oh my it was outside the summer window Crickets supposed to be played and that's without an ashes series in the English summer . Every single sport on the planet where there are professional sportsmen and women are trying to either expand there season or their exposure in their off season . It's how they generate sponsership dollars .
BigAl
Guest
Have 'nt heard anything of this ? - but if true at least the criminal activity is getting a bit more classy.
rossco
Guest
And, as of today, there is the Swans player, Tony Smith, allegedly involved in plans to kidnap a NAB executive and under arrest.
William Dalton Davis
Roar Rookie
Afl have internationals? A modified Gaelick series against Ireland is not international aussie rules. You can criticise rugby leagues relatively weak international presence however at least they actually play rugby league internationally.
slane
Guest
He barely gets a pass mark because you felt uncomfortable at a game he had nothing to do with 30 years ago? The guy made his club into the biggest in Australia, made multimillion dollar profits and helped secure a premiership while simultaneously appearing on multiple high-rating tv shows. If his achievements rate a 'barely pass' mark then no other club president in the history of world sports gets a pass.
Boomshanka
Guest
More recently Toby Greene?
pot stirrer
Guest
Why is this on the League thread. I thought the code war stuff had stopped. i cant stand reading about AFL, its bad enough i cant watch Fox Sports news becuase they shove AFL down your throat.
Tim Gore
Expert
Max, don't mark us all by that experience. My first experience was the Collingwood haters who are just as vile as anything amongst our hard core. Collingwood has evolved a lot since the days of the feral Vic park in the 70s and 80s. I guarantee you that sitting amongst the vast majority of our supporters is not dangerous in any way. The vile and violent are not tolerated by the club anymore. I've been to a number of games where incidents of bad behaviour amongst our fans was shut down by the other surrounding Pies fans with lines like "Stop being an idiot. Your behaviour is why we get a bad name." Do we have a siege mentality that makes us all a bit intense? certainly. But we aren't frightening.
MAX
Guest
Tim, The first game of Rules I witnessed was Collingwood v Fitzroy. I went solo. It remains one of the most frightening experiences of my life. The supporters of one team were absolutely feral. I have never encountered its equal in any sporting arena in my 78 years. Since that day I have been apprehensive about anything Collingwood notwithstanding that we all search for a place in the sun. I respect Eddie as a good family man and dedication to his team but for all that he had at his disposal he barely rates a pass mark. That is how I see it. Sorry if I upset you.
nerval
Guest
I loathe it when union fans call league players "mungos" - somehow it's even more pitiful when league fans use that term. I wonder if Dane would walk up to, say, Greg Inglis or Mal Meninga or Israel Folau and address each one of them as a "mungo?" If so, then fine. If not, then don't write it down on here...
Tim Gore
Expert
Max, we've become close this year. Please don't wreck it by laying in to my Pies and Eddie. I worked at 9 and experienced Eddie behind the closed doors. In my experience he was a great bloke. He was even nice to Carlton supporters. He took the Pies from wooden spoon and broke to the title in 2010 and well off, so he's clearly a good president, if not the best in the AFL. Yes, he's been over exposed but he is not the Devil.
fiver
Guest
"In recent years, it’s the AFL that have led the market as the gurus of year-round media domination." Hate to break it to you but up here in QLD there is nothing about AFL in the media during summer, it's all been cricket and a bit about Wayne Bennets return. You wouldn't know if the Lions are even playing in season 2015.