Despite the loop of affidavits coming from all stakeholders involved, nobody will truly believe that Daly Cherry-Evans is headed to the Gold Coast until the stroke of midnight in Round 13 rolls around and he turns in to a Meter Maid.
Whispers, machinations and column inch filler have collaborated with a lame NRL transfer rule to give the impression the deal’s as firm and resilient as a bath bubble.
But after this week’s news regarding Kieran Foran’s contract with Parramatta, it’s about to look like reinforced triple-brick in comparison.
This may sound bonkers considering Foran has been an anti-invisible ink campaigner since signing months back. All along, he’s reiterated he will be upholding the good reputation of signatures by taking the multi-millions from the Eels in 2016, in turn blazing a trail of decency among a landscape that encourages fibs and backflips. (Trail of decency to be fully confirmed in Round 13.)
But this is not about a pre-deadline weaseling-out by the Kiwi playmaker.
What I am referring to is a corker of a get-out clause in his new deal with Parramatta, one that will precariously hover over their alliance for the four long years they are in cahoots, ready and waiting to pop-off like a hair-trigger at the first sign of speed wobbles.
As reported in Thursday’s Sydney Morning Herald, Foran’s contract includes a condition under the ‘ejector seat’ paragraph that refers to ‘political turmoil’. Now let me put on my wig and generalise this in detailed legal terms.
This means if there’s any silly buggers being played out at the top at any time during his stint, he can set alight the kit he’s wearing at the time and flee for the hills without penalty. Basically, he’s insured himself against a boardroom shitstorm.
Now let’s get one thing straight: all clubs in the NRL are prone to suit-wearing skullduggery, where agendas rule and important meetings resemble a Klump family dinner. In fact, they would all have their annual grants pulled if they didn’t conduct themselves so.
But Parramatta is a special breed.
Asking for this type of rider in a contract with the Eels is akin to joining Naughty by Nature and agreeing to stay on the proviso that nobody says ‘yo’. Its inclusion means we have rugby league’s first ever contract that comes fitted with self-shredding technology.
For those unaware, Parramatta’s governance has mirrored their on-field performance of recent years; sloppy, self-destructive and sometimes involving criminals. While the fans humorously yearn for the golden days of the 1980s, the administration has steadfastly remained there, running operations with the kind of astuteness usually seen at a lemonade stall.
I’ve never walked its corridors of power, but I’ve heard the place has a 12-man board with 11 spots put aside for white-ants.
Such is the club’s self-treachery, the Greater Wester Sydney Giants and Western Sydney Wanderers no longer employ spies in the code war battle, content in the knowledge that their biggest rival is too busy overthrowing itself to be a threat to operations.
Personally, I applaud Foran’s insistence on this clause. It shows he’s a smart operator who just wants to focus on footy by safeguarding himself from a pack of maniacs who work on his doorstep. Signing the dotted line with this cover shows he’s 90 per cent sure they’re 100 per cent undomesticated, while still acknowledging that everything else looks peaches.
However, ‘political turmoil’ as a term seems vague. In the event of an evacuation that descended in to a legal stoush, how would Foran and his attorneys prove this has indeed taken place?
Lucky for them all, there are plenty of examples on the first five pages of any Google search involving the words ‘Parramatta’ and ‘meeting’.
Could it be the perpetual civil war at board level? The election meetings so hog-wild they demand a police presence? The weekly emergence of new tickets to overthrow the basketcase administration? The AVOs required after robust debate between powerbrokers? Or could it be something as simple as a basement that doubles as a mass graveyard of chopped-up coaches?
If that’s not enough, perhaps malfeasance on an individual level will cut the courtroom mustard. A dodgy CEO investigated for financial irregularities? The doctoring of memberships by a chairman to fudge ballot counts? Or could it be the time Denis Fitzgerald… actually, could it just be Denis Fitzgerald?
With this simple condition that’s been agreed on by both parties, the live war zone of the Parramatta killing fields could see Foran’s deal up in smoke before he even gets the chance to be unfairly weighed down with the expectation as the club’s 12th-yet-best saviour since Peter Sterling.
But never fear, Eels fans. This could turn out to be nothing, even just a gross exaggeration on my part to unfairly generate fear among a tortured fan-base that deserves a break. Heck, Foran could even end up being the buy of the millennium that guides you to the much-craved premiership you all deserve. Provided he doesn’t flee turmoil.
I reckon as long as he doesn’t read the newspaper, talk to anyone in a suit, or become too attached to Brad Arthur or any of the six coaches that follow him, he should be sweet.
Steve
Guest
This sounds so familiar. Souths were like this back in the 90's.........perpetually infighting with each other to the detriment of the football side. Old players who think they own the club and with their own agenda's and their own factions. OMG....I'm so glad the Rabbits privatised and got rid of all that crap. Sorry Parra fans...I know what you're going through. It will only end if you can find a private buyer....one voice and one plan....success!
Sleiman Azizi
Roar Guru
Oh, I've no doubt about that. Like I said, I've no evidence Parramatta are not heading the right way simply based on the article. Good luck to the Eels. It's about time.
fazed
Guest
In some ways you are right, but!. If the NRL does step in & I am of the understanding in reading releases from the club, that they are simply following the rules, also the whole matter in several areas is currently under investigation by legal areas & relates to how former officials have acted in alledged corrupt ways, also there are some trying to stand for board positions including the Parramatta Leagues Club as well as the Football club which are & always have been seperate entities. What gets up my nose in this whole matter is that other clubs have similar issues but its always kept in the dark, rarelly if ever do we read about this sort of thing happening with other clubs, & when they are reported it soon dies down, but when it comes to Parramattta its open slather in the media, & quite often reported wrongly in what has actually happned. The matters of the past week have been more to do with the Leagues club elections that the football club, in previous years & when the board that took over from the Emperor was elected, there were those involved in the various groups handing out leaflets around the clubs entry, & anyone trying to get into the club had to run the gauntlet from them, which also blocked cars from entry. Since then I understatnd that set aside areas are there for the election hand outs, which is how it should be.
Parra
Guest
The NRL should present parra with an ultimatum; accept its governance framework for running a football club or risk losing its licence. Simple. Unless there is an independent board in place similar to the Tigers, Newcastle I cannot see any hope for this club. Time to act.
m hughes
Guest
the only point I would add is the eels have the third best membership in the game approx. 20500 behind souths and the broncos so there must be some sort of professionalism and the membership department. the gws and wsw are no threat to parra the gps athletics carnival drew a larger crowd than the giants hawthorn match the fans I saw walking to the ground were all hawthorn, away supporters don't make gws stronger. the plans parra have going forward of a training centre, hotel, massive carpark, restaurants and the upgrade of parra stadium to 35,000 will make parra strong again
GPR
Guest
These Parra shenanigans make Dousty look alright...
Tom
Guest
Agreed Andrew, as a Manly fan, I was always under the impression that our on field success was the only thing between us and a Parra - esque boardroom debacle.
Sleiman Azizi
Roar Guru
lol
Mitcher
Guest
"Asking for this type of rider in a contract with the Eels is akin to joining Naughty by Nature and agreeing to stay on the proviso that nobody says ‘yo’." Retire now sir, the only way is down from here. Brilliant.
Birdy
Guest
I think the Sydney press hasnt recovered from the SL boom and have forgotten how to report on the game itself. The titans might be better off trying to get Seizer to backflip on Canberra and let DCE go. They don't need anymore controversy , also freeing up money for some big forwards .
Andrew
Guest
Yep, I agree this rubbish will not stop until the NRL step in. I am a long die hard eels fan but stopped my membership on the back of this on going internal garbage. It's very confusing and the eels will never win a premiership whilst it continues. I have no idea how the sea eagles managed for so long to be so successful.
up in the north
Roar Rookie
I haven't read that article but I have to ask -whether true or not - just what has the NRL done to earn such vitriol from the Sydney press. It's like there's a concerted push to completely destroy the game. Every five minutes there's another supposed article claiming to have the inside scoop on pretty sensitive issues that would only be known to a select few. I know people will say it's how they generate income, but shouldn't there be some accountability if these type of stories turn out to be wrong. Obviously I have the option to not read tripe if I choose, but when it's so pervasive it gets hard to avoid it. Maybe the NRL could have some type of officially endorsed journalism credential that forces a responsible approach to news. Is that the tooth fairy at the bottom of my garden.
MJB
Guest
Is there a Roar award for 'metaphor of the year'? I'd like to nominate you.
fazed
Guest
Being an ex long time Parra leagues & football clubs member, also just missing a board position in the 70's when Denis Fitzegerald was elected, then resigning after a year of Osborne's inept running of the club, I have to say that at a time where the football team has likely the best potential for its future, the current boardroom carry ons tells me that pride is the biggest fool for past hero's. Under Fitzegerald the club lifted & won premierships, & stayed in the top half of the competition but, the good times faded when he could not accept the fact that it was time to go, while I liked him as a person & administrator his title of emperor I believe became his downfall, he thought he was infallible & not only that, his opinion was that he HAD to rule & control everything, thus emperor pride toook over. He sadly could not accept that he had been voted out, & most members & fans saw it was time, problem was the board that got in was actually of the same ilk as in the past. The current board may not be the best but they are trying to go forward, with one of them being part of the old emperors dynasty as well. From what I read, the club under the current board has done no more than run it by the rules, which has caused more issues & prides have been dented which means they have to react accordingly. The players & coaching staff have to keep themselves away from all of the carry ons across the carpark, but for me the biggest destabliiser that is there potentially is the appointment of a person who is set on becoming a coach again & has board members who want that person there also. For me its time for the emperor to retire & get out, he has done ok in the past & he should be well pleased with what he has done back then, but he & he only can have the right influence on the club & teams future & that means get behind the team & shutting up & let the new board run the place, Gough Whitlam got in government with the theme of Its Time, the emperor should realise that its time to stay quiet or get out, of course that is if he has Parra in the best interests.
Con Scortis
Roar Guru
Parramatta is the Zimbabwe of the NRL, controlled by Denis Mugabe
Nordburg
Guest
Interesting thing about the re-hashed stories about in fighting is that if some reports are true that BStewart won't be happy if DCE does a backflip,I wonder how Stewart will feel next yr when he plays beside either inexperienced halves or players like Albert Kelly or Chris Sandow?My suspicions suggest he won't have a problem with an Olympic gymnast style backflip from DCE -- Comment from The Roar's iPhone app.
Jay C
Roar Guru
Interesting. I would have to agree with all of that. It also fits a nice narrative for the Manly bosses that DCE was the problem. They can get rid of him as the magic fix all. Manly will bounce back. Bozo is back now and I would imagine players would be keen to listen to him.
eagleJack
Roar Guru
I'm not really buying into the whole media obsession that this is causing internal fighting at the club. The media reports are re-hashing old stories of rifts between Johns, Watmough and Stewart. All done and dusted. You have players saying DCE is like a brother and they are happy for him to take the deal on offer at the Titans. I'll believe that over the DT trying to stir trouble. Or more to the point Zorba trying to stir trouble with old mate Buzz. DCE has unfortunately been caught up and become the face of another Orr debacle. At first my anger (disappointment) was aimed at DCE. But as time went on it became clear he was simply a pawn in a bigger pay day for Orr. I, too, think DCE is a genuinely nice bloke. Has a lovely young family. He just happens to be managed by a lowlife.
Sleiman Azizi
Roar Guru
Indeed. That organisation has been the joke of professionalism for decades. Souths have made it into the modern world and with the changes that have been occurring over the last year (particularly an article I had read about the club's vision for where it wanted to be in the future) I had hopes they would join Souths. But I've no evidence they are not heading in that way simply based on this article so hopefully they will become what they really ought to have been by now.
Jay C
Roar Guru
Interested what you think of DCE eJ? Hard to tell from here, seems to be a lot of talk about him causing problems and such. But seems like a nice guy in interviews and that sort of thing.