Like many rugby fans, I can’t wait for this year’s World Cup. For the first time in a long time, the Wallabies have an almost injury-free roster and the availability of previously ineligible stalwarts of Australian rugby – Dean Mumm, welcome home.
It’s hard not to get excited about the squad Michael Cheika has picked. There is immense quality across the park and depth in almost every position.
The absence of the two Ben(n)s is probably the greatest news in Australian rugby since George Gregan’s overdue retirement.
Unlike his predecessor, Cheika isn’t afraid to appear biased. He hasn’t gone out of his way to select players from other franchises as Ewen McKenzie did. On the contrary, he didn’t just stop at the current Warratah’s squad, past and present were all welcome to the party with the inclusion of Drew Mitchell, the aforementioned Mumm, and Kane Douglas pending.
What I really can’t fathom is why he picked Stephen Moore as captain when he’s clearly not an 80-minute player, or a Waratah.
Fortunately sanity prevailed in his vice-captain selections with both Michael Hooper and Adam Ashley-Cooper named as Moore’s deputies.
‘Two-dads’, as he’s often affectionately referred to here on The Roar, may not have a wealth of on-field leadership experience, but off the field there’s no one better to have in your corner than Ashley-Cooper when a few harmless texts go astray. Except maybe his mum.
And Michael Hooper. Another stalwart of solidarity in the Australian team, Hooper is the epitome of Australian rugby. No player encompasses our obsession with backs and running rugby more than Hooper.
His revolutionary approach to the game has redefined the role of the openside flanker and proved once and for all that backs are more important than forwards. To think that all these years Richie, George and David thought it was important to win turnovers or slow-down the opposition’s ball at the ruck. Silly billies. They should’ve spent more time doing beach sprints.
Another role re-defining pillar of Cheika’s revolutionary squad is the playmaker that doesn’t make plays. Enter one Bernard Foley. This often misunderstood creative genius necessitates the need for a second playmaker at No. 12 due to his elusive lack of play in the No. 10 channel.
This was brutally exposed in 2015’s Super Rugby semi-finals when the absence of said second playmaker left the defending champions completely one-dimensional in attack, and robbed them of a shot at back-to-back titles.
Rest assured, Cheika won’t let this happen again. He’s sure to play a playmaking playmaker outside his non-playmaking playmaker from now on.
Inside this dynamic duo of course will be the halfback that can’t pass. Australia has a wealth of talent in this position with Nick Phipps, Nic White and Will Genia all capable of fluffing quick ball with either slow or just simply poor passing.
In the event that the ball does actually make its way out wide, it’ll be straight into the bread basket of Cheika’s newest revolutionary position – the fat winger.
The fat winger has a top speed just shy of the quickest I can walk backwards, and the acceleration of a tug boat. Agility and other such qualities that were characteristics of wingers past are apparently no longer required, as long as the fat winger has enough of the good stuff (fat) to be unstoppable about five metres out from the line.
Opposition coaches will no doubt be bamboozled by these revolutionary positions created by Cheika and I can’t wait to see how they fare. God speed Wallabies.
wardad
Guest
Well if you get rid of all those wussy backs and just have 15 proper forwards all 1m between the eyes and just march them towards the enemy try line how can you not win ? No need for all that confusing coaching bizzo either !
wardad
Guest
Its in their diet yoghurt ...
PiratesRugby
Guest
The non playmaking playmaker.
alex
Roar Pro
That article was the funniest thing I read on the net today...Clearly it's a humorous piece of slapstick comedy
rugby time
Guest
Maybe get a sense of humor? Best way to face the hard truths here
rugby time
Guest
Australian rugby has "culture" lol
moaman
Guest
Haddin the 'keeper,then?
moaman
Guest
Good post Johns.
moaman
Guest
Chuck: " Patrick, how about stopping posts from this poser." ; EJ---was giving his opinion and he did it in a te and reasonable way.Surely we don't want censorship just because we don't agree with someone's opinion? That would be deplorable. Most people on this site are respectful.Opinionated?/ Sure...but we shouldn't be too worried about any opinion expressed in reasoned fashion. I think articles (and comments) like these are theraputic for aussie rugby supporters.The division that is palpable needs to be seen for the danger that it is--and excised before the body becomes a carcassse.
moaman
Guest
Nice comment nic. ps.Who are you again?
Not Bothered
Guest
Nick, perhaps you should know what you are talking about first. It was written as if by a tr0ll who had come on the Roar to condem Australian rugby. It wasnt funny. It was not that Kiwis could not laugh at themselves, it was because they assumed the article was genuinely condeming Australian rugby. Most Kiwis thought it was genuine and condemed the article because it was so anti-Australian. Now Peter, the anti-Kiwi, suggests that because Kiwis thought that the article was genuine and disagreed with its rant against Australia that we cant laugh at ourselves!? So condeming an anti-Australian article is somehow twisted by Peter into a pathetic anti-Kiwi jibe about us not being able to laugh at ourselves!? Wow Peter and Nick, that chip must really be a problem for you 2. It was not good satire, nor was it typical of NZers. It wasnt funny and was removed because it was so offensive to Australians. Not because it made Kiwis look silly. This article is also very poor satire and not funny. Jay is repeatedly bad mouthing the team and players he doesnt like. These are his genuine thoughts disguised as satire. I wish Australians would back their side and make constructive comments instead of doing their best to tear the team down. Its far too comon in Australia to rubbish Wallaby players and coaches. Its endemic.
Not Bothered
Guest
Pete is anti-Kiwi.
Not Bothered
Guest
No, Jays right. The team is bad. The players are bad. The coach is bad. The ARU is bad. I like the ABs and I feel sorry for Australian rugby culture.
Old Bugger
Guest
"Vee are sinking zat you must be Sgt Schultz...you dumkoph!!!"
Harry Jones
Expert
I had a chuckle at this. Thanks!
Squirrel
Roar Rookie
I agree we need change and yeah it is exciting times as we may go great or it may end like the blues
eagleJack
Roar Guru
I would prefer absolutely no mention of provinces whatsoever. The pro-Tah articles are over the top. As is the anti-Tah sentiment found in posts and articles. Now I realise we won't all sit around holding hands singing kumbaya. Debate is what makes this site great. But I don't believe where a player comes from should influence our impression of them. And first and foremost I believe the players should be shown respect irrespective of what you think of them. I rarely see respect from this author.
waikato07
Guest
This was annoying until i found it hilarious - nice one and thanks for it. After an arduous journey to work (London tube strikes) this has lightened my mood.
RobC
Roar Guru
At first it seemed serious. Then as every paragraph went, I found it funnier, more satirical. Smirk, to grin, to smile. When I read the fat winger statement, I burst out into laughter.
Machooka
Roar Guru
Now let's not get too cute... 'saved your career'... hmmmm ? Just take satisfaction that @ Sheriff actually thought you had a job... I personally wouldn't (normally) give you that satisfaction. You got me on a good day... the lampooning of our 'new' Jonah being fat was so politically incorrect that it was absolutely correct. Therefore... touche' Brumby man with no job... suffice you've a least saved your career.