How low can the relevance of the minor premiership go? With each passing year it finds a deeper realm of triviality, the speed of its demise so alarming that we may see teams tanking for second place in 2016.
Remember those black-and-white days when rounding out the season on top was considered something? When triumphant sides lathered in brylcreem celebrated with laps of honour as toilet paper flailed from their tired bodies, the sense of meaningful achievement heavy in the air?
Sadly, somewhere along the way, things changed. Stadiums switched to one-ply tissue squares, and finishing first in rugby league went from a noble accomplishment to something that’s about as popular as a stripper in the Vatican.
Today, the minor premiership has an appraised value of three-fifths of bugger-all and ranks somewhere alongside the Auckland Nines knockout phase and a Group 10 playoff berth for care factor. How did it come to this?
Why do we have a cold heart for finishing first past the post?
Striving for the top over the long term isn’t a shameful act, nor is praising those that do. I tell my lady friend every single day she’s number one, and sometimes she lets me watch television. The benefits of such a stance are obvious.
Now don’t get me wrong; I’m not asking for the minor premiership to be elevated to something like English soccer, where winning the home-and-away season results in open-top buses and a celebratory song from Oasis with two verses devoted to slagging off rivals.
All I’m asking is that modern rugby league treats the regular season top-of-the-pops with some kind of respect, or at the very least, forces the players to pretend to pursue the award and pacify its presence with positive discourse.
In recent weeks, the behaviour of those in the tussle for this title has been astounding. Blokes in the business of winning things have fallen over themselves in the race to see who could seem most aloof, with some distancing themselves from the award so strongly it was like they were fleeing a bacteria-riddled carrier monkey.
Stuff the minor premiership, all everyone wanted to discuss was the bloody top two. Then it was on to unbridled adoration for the home ground advantage, the two bites and the week’s rest, all spoken of like they were a family of philanthropic cancer-curing dolphins.
When the spoils were presented to the victorious Roosters in a two-bit presentation last night, again the espresso martinis were hardly flowing. Then as if to further lower the colours, the prizemoney was spent by half-time on new jerseys before the MC mispronounced JJ Giltinan.
What is doing? Can’t there be just a tiny smidge of a thrill for capturing the blue ribbon? Just a teensy dash of regard for what it means? Maybe a few blokey smiles or even an NRL-commissioned dais that could at least present a tripping hazard?
It is starkly apparent the whole concept needs a revamp, and to do so we need to boil it down to a fundamental that appeals to everyone. Money.
This is a brilliant solution, because last time I checked, everyone enjoys coin. It can fix anything, and this is no more apparent than when it comes to rugby league, a game overrun with stakeholders who would all ignore their drowning grandmother if they spotted two bob.
Right now, the concept of the minor premiership fails because of money. With no disrespect whatsoever to JJ Giltinan, his shield no longer packs it’s old lustre as a fine rugby league carrot, and its accompanying purse of $100,000 is barely enough to pay off a month of Sonny Bill Williams.
You might as well do something stupid with it, like donate it to charity.
So that’s why I’m calling on the NRL to release some of its folding gear from the mothballs and put it towards a new and improved cheque for the minor premiership. By new and improved, I mean add more zeroes. Three would be a good start, but I’ll settle for one.
That’s right, a million. Why not? The game just agreed to take 925 units of million from telly, so just free up one and make it rain all over the team first past the post.
It’s time to change the minor in to something major. If the game’s money is good enough for grassroots and referees, it’s good enough for the top professional club that has just shown it’s miles ahead of everyone else.
Bumsy
Roar Rookie
Do we really want to be giving the Roosters Salary Cap bonuses?
Jay C
Roar Guru
Maybe bypass the club and give the players 20k each.
Josh
Guest
I think the minor premiership should come with the following. 1. A full salary cap audit by indpendent forensic auditors who only get paid (100k) when they find the dodge. 2. A reduction in the salary cap of 250k for the next season to assist in evening the competition. 3 The club winning 250k towards a charity chosen at the start ofcthe year.
chook-a-doodle-do
Guest
C'mon now E.J. ,we're not to blame that our CEO knows his way around the business world, he chose to work for the mighty chooks, and the mighty chooks, in all their chooklike wisdom, allowed him to take our mighty club to the top of the financial table of clubs that can actually operate at a profit. Sourgrapes old chum, sourgrapes!!
Karlos
Guest
The minor premiership still means something to me. Not as much as being GF winner. Not supposed to. I wish we would go back to the top 5. Always hated top 8.
The Barry
Roar Guru
The situation doesn't need anything better except maybe a slight upgrade in the prize money. The minor premiers get a trophy, they get to do a lap of honour and have some photos taken. They get advantages through the semi final series. That's all there needs to be. If anyone really cared about the minor premiership we'd be able to recite them all. We can't because we don't really care. It's a very good achievement but ultimately not that important. Fancying it up won't make people care more.
Jay C
Roar Guru
Because the best thing about the competition is how even it is. You want to give the front emery a further leg up. And a team starting with a 4 point lead. That is an absolute joke. Sport is built around fairness. If you take that away you have ruined the spectacle. Just ridiculous mate.
Johnno
Guest
Why Jay C Back it up why? You and the barry got anything better. My ideas give incentives and reward success.
The Magic Man
Roar Rookie
When you play some teams twice and others once, and some teams twice in 4 weeks other teams you don't face until Rd 24, and then you face some teams without your Origin Stars, and you have some teams playing every Friday night while others resemble the Leyland Brothers... I think you get the picture here. The minor premiership isn't a fair or even contest. Just try your best to make the 8, higher the better and then refocus for the major prize, hoping your team is healthy and with some upside.
Bear54
Guest
Yes I agree with you both. The incentive for finishing higher on the table means income for the clubs and less travel for their players. In this era of relative parity you have to play your very best in the finals to make a GF no matter where you finish. It's hard to imagine any coach could be upset about their position in the top 8. If you're in the tournament you're a chance.
glen
Guest
Excellent article. We don't have a cup or anything like that. The Minor Premiership should be the other big achievement. A few ideas: - Rename to League championship or League Leader's Shield. Get rid of the word minor - More prize money. Equal or close to the GF win - Salary cap concessions to keep winning team together. 10% discount or something
Sleiman Azizi
Roar Guru
Isn't a home final a financial reward where the 'home' team receives the lion's share of ticket sales?
The Barry
Roar Guru
Yep. I will give it away if we ever get to the stage that a team starts a game 4-0 up.
The Barry
Roar Guru
Interesting point. I don't know the answer. I dont think it means an 'advantage' for the out of Sydney teams. When they get a home final they'll play in front of a parochial crowd. When they play away they'll be up against a parochial crowd the other way, regardless of whether that game is played at Brookvale or ANZ or Canberra. It's more that the home ground advantage is negated for Sydney teams playing Sydney teams but that doesn't equal advantage for non Sydney teams.
Bear54
Guest
I agree with everything you say so looking into the future with the recent stadium upgrade news in Sydney, what will be the advantage to having a "home" final when potentially both sides play there? Brisbane, Melbourne, North Queensland, New Zealand, Newcastle, Gold Coast (if they still exist) and Canberra (although we seem to do our level best to avoid finals football now) will have a massive advantage compared to all the Sydney based teams. Should the likes of Cronulla and Manly be permitted to have a real home field advantage and play at Shark Park (is it still called that or did they sell it to Ashley Maddison?) and Brookvale Oval respectively?
Jay C
Roar Guru
Haha. Oh, I'm definitely weird.
Con Scortis
Roar Guru
I don't know you well enough Jay to confirm or deny your last line haha
The Barry
Roar Guru
Haha....I think the 100k will only pay his fines up to March...
The Barry
Roar Guru
So we fix that by making it more uneven? There are no clubs that 'can't' offer TPAs.
Jay C
Roar Guru
Johnno. Those are some of the worst ideas i have ever heard. Honestly just terrible.