In the early hours of Wednesday morning, cricket’s perennial nice guy and New Zealand captain Brendon McCullum was the victim of a vicious carjacking, where his humble Toyota Yaris was taken at knife point.
At the time of the incident McCullum was leaving a Perth soup kitchen he had been volunteering for, and was on his way to the Children’s Hospital to deliver several thousands of dollars of toys and cricket equipment to sick children.
In a statement to the media, McCullum had nothing but nice things to say about his assailant.
“Yeah listen, he was really polite and it looked like it was quite a new knife as well. He seemed like a top bloke, so I had no qualms in giving him the keys to my rental car. I even gave him a 50 for petrol because the tank was a bit low.”
“I complimented him on his teardrop tattoo, and he was off.”
Australian opener David Warner had slammed McCullum’s handling of the incident.
“If that’s the way New Zealand want to go about handling carjackings, that’s fine, but it’s not the way the Australian team will do things.”
“I would have Joe Rooted that car-jacker,” Warner said on Denan Kemp’s ‘The Locker Room’ Podcast.
McCullum has been slapped with paying the cost of the vehicle, with the Australian insurance company not paying for models that had been ‘voluntarily ceded by the user’.
The New Zealand skipper was philosophical about his monetary loss, saying that it “is a tough world out there for all businesses, including carjackers” and that “insurance companies have to pay the bills somehow.”
It seems that McCullum’s generosity and benevolence knows no bounds, as he also announced he was planning on starting a new charity foundation to help support such individuals. “Keys for Carjackers” aims at helping carjackers receive support in what is a tough situation.
“What with high oil prices and all, they need our support and awareness more than ever.”
In similar news, it’s been reported that Mitchell Starc and Mitchell Johnson both attended the same soup kitchen after McCullum had left. The Australian pace pairing verbally abused all in attendance, telling them to get ready for some “Broken f*cking arms” before Mitchell Starc began throwing new cricket balls at the patrons.
Starc has been fined half his dinner portion while Johnson has been forced to shave his moustache in reparation for damage caused.
Joseph
Guest
Yawn
richardislip
Guest
About as funny as a real car jacking. Really plumbing the depths for articles, are we?
Peter Zitterschlager
Guest
This fella is one helluva writer. A pleasurable and amusing read mate.
Riordan Lee
Editor
I enjoyed this immensely.
Andrew Smyth-Kirk
Roar Guru
Absolute classic! Very good!
kazblah
Roar Guru
Nice work!
Megan Maurice
Expert
Love it. Very well done.
Paul D
Roar Guru
"You can only beat what is in front of you so the win was celebrated well." Haha, that's a great line. So true too.
Jameswm
Guest
Gold...
Saint Brendon
Guest
Thanks so much for writing this highly entertaining and well constructed article Gareth! Keep up the good work son and I wish your fellow aussies all the best today at the WACA, as provided cricket is the winner I'll be happy ;) B Mac
Patrick Effeney
Editor
Excellent Gareth. Really good.
Boomeranda
Guest
This is AWESOME! Haha.
TB
Guest
Gold
bigbaz
Roar Guru
This is all correct except it happened 3 years ago and St Brendan has only just chosen to tell.
DiploMatt
Guest
Nice
sham
Guest
Earlier Aussies also challenged the Mcullum to a burn off at the lights. They turned up in a Lamborghini Huracan and smashed the Yaris. It was a brave effort -the Yarris was smoked. You can only beat what is in front of you so the win was celebrated well.
Norm
Roar Pro
brilliant