Following his contract release, Mitchell Pearce has already been linked with a move to the Sydney Roosters.
Reputable media outlets claim the club could offer the free agent a deal using salary cap room left by his own departure.
This baselessly speculated link places Pearce alongside the Roosters’ other unsubstantiated targets in Angus Crichton, Jarryd Hayne and an abandoned shopping trolley.
Many were initially stunned at the amount of time the Tricolours remained detached from someone unsigned, with a fabricated tether not manufactured by the press for almost 12 hours.
Pearce entered the open market on Monday after being driven out of his former side by love, sending the trading scene into meltdown.
Insiders believe the Roosters’ frisky recruiters discovered the Origin rep during one of their routine trawls of Gumtree for anything that isn’t Tony Williams.
Newcastle, Cronulla and Manly were originally reported as the frontrunners for his signature, but all dropped out of the race after failing to compete with the Bondi club’s high offer of unnamed sources.
(Photo by Mark Metcalfe/Getty Images)
Officials have publicly refuted their interest in Pearce, despite the story being in the papers. Somewhat suspiciously, they also refused to deny that Pearce had been in talks with the club as early as a month ago.
Further escalating the rumours, the halfback was seen frequenting the eastern suburbs at regular intervals over the last decade, even at one stage acquiring real estate in the area.
Media insiders believe that as a footballer out of contract, Pearce is a perfect fit for the Roosters.
Additionally, he could also be the answer to Trent Robinson’s halves crisis, with stocks almost dwindling to double figures.
Pearce could be lured by the prospect of playing alongside club stalwart Cooper Cronk, plus the opportunity to benefit from an elite culture built on a rich history of preliminary finals qualification.
While negotiating a new deal with a player they’ve just released could prove tricky, it is believed the Roosters have the funds available to pay themselves a transfer fee.
In response to the latest rumours, officials will conduct daily press conferences to deny their latest fabricated pursuit, effective the next occasioning of ‘personal issues’.
These will be held on the front steps of the club, where they usually swat away suitors with a broomstick.
Felix
Guest
Dane, Brilliant work but obviously too clever for some readers...
Andrew
Guest
Was this meant to be funny?
MAX
Guest
Adrian Proszenko's SMH article on Mitch Pearce gives a glowing opinion from Allan Bell of what to expect in the next seven years. Top read.
paul
Guest
I reckon even Pearce wold have got a laugh out of this. He's obviously not a happy camper so anything to brighten his day would probably be welcome. I hope he goes to a Club where he can build it using his skills. That won't happen at Manly
fp11
Guest
You, on the other hand, are hilarious!
fp11
Guest
If you don't read it you can't know if you like it or not.
Eden
Guest
Great piece, thanks
John
Guest
Great article to start the day. Glad I didn't have my coffee with me.
Rabbit
Guest
Does anyone know which islander forward the Tigers signed is big Ben going back ?
Tom G
Guest
Excellent.. it would be even funnier if it weren't so close to reality
William Dalton Davis
Roar Rookie
I'd actually heard that Dally Messenger was considering a return from his stint in the Afterlife bringing Tedescos spot under serious question.
rebel
Guest
Top satire
mattatooski
Roar Rookie
Love it. Some of your best work Dane .....
Duncan Smith
Guest
Ange quits as Socceroos coach just two days after Pearce quits Roosters. Coincidence? I think not. Politis and Gallop pulling strings again - Pearce to take over as Socceroos coach. You read it here first.
Nat
Roar Guru
hahaha
Matt
Guest
They were but, then Wally Lewis announced that he would test the market.
Sleiman Azizi
Roar Guru
LOL The title was enough! LOL
bearfax
Guest
But I thought the Roosters were after Thurston, to play alongside Cronk in their backline. Must have got my info from a fake news source. Where did you get yours, Dane?
DingoGray
Roar Guru
Billy rhymes with Silly. Keep up ya own questionable work.... I've also got an idea, you don't like, you don't read!
Billy
Guest
9 comments - That is a record for the resident league "humor" columnist! Keep up the questionable work...