I’ve only ever seen headbutt. The deliverer was a footballer, not having the best of days and deciding the bloke marking him had crossed some imaginary line, who was sent for an early bath after rearranging the facial features of the aforementioned defender.
Pretty nasty stuff and the guilty party’s lengthy suspension, as well as the recipient’s dripping nose, was indisputable evidence of it actually happening.
In stark contrast to the Cameron Bancroft and Jonny Bairstow episode of the past few days which, to those who may have just been taking a passing interest in the Ashes, must have appeared as a really crappy soap-opera.
A bloke allegedly sinks his head into an opponent (well, one who would become that), nothing is heard of it at all until it suddenly comes to light a month later, the bloke who was butted says it wasn’t anything, the bloke who butted doesn’t say anything, the former conducts a bizarre press conference in the manner of a kid holding court in a classroom, no disciplinary action is taken against the latter but he’s now not allowed out past midnight because he’s been naughty, and all onlookers are left completely bemused.
Well this one certainly is.
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As far as the definition of a storm in a teacup goes, this is hard to beat. Nothing happens + nobody knows about it = ludicrous over reaction.
The desire to explore the periphery, and it’s scraping the barrel to even think of it as that, of a sporting event and the need to seek a different angle and this is what you end up with.
Still, the headline writers must have thought Christmas had come early.
The disappointing thing about this earth-shattering discovery was, and I’m thinking about the psychologically-scarred Bancroft here, that it took some of the gloss away from what was a fine performance.
To play in such an assured manner on his initial foray into Test cricket was the perfect example of why picking someone in a run of excellent form is sometimes a good idea.
He complemented David Warner nicely in the run chase – if its straightforward manner can allow it to be described as such – and he’ll head into the Adelaide day-night encounter in good spirits.
AAP Image/Richard Wainwright
As will the rest of his colleagues, who stood their ground during a couple of tricky periods before noticing when the door had been left slightly ajar and then charging through it.
The period on the third evening, when the slightly lacklustre efforts of the Australian seamers on the opening day were shoved to one side, showed England that if they don’t grasp what is handed to them then the uphill nature of their task will become all the more difficult.
It doesn’t take a wizard to work out that from a position of 4-246, you really have to amass more than 302 and when you reduce the opposition to 7-209 in reply, they can’t be allowed to escape to the relatively safety of 328.
If any headbutts were being served up then it was England on themselves.
Of course, it is easy to strip the contest down to such bare details and suggesting the tourists should have done one thing doesn’t take into account it isn’t against the law for Australia to provide resistance – and it really was a fantastic effort by Steve Smith – but on such shifts in momentum do results balance.
England simply aren’t the side of a few years ago, who could get on top and grind their way into the ascendancy. If they need to operate at virtually full capacity to come away with anything then such slip-ups have to be eradicated.
The method of taking your time to put up a total isn’t a bad one in theory but one has to be complemented by the other. Mitchell Starc and his fellow seamers don’t want to be brought back for a fourth spell but the required outcome isn’t achieved if the runs scored don’t exaggerate the desired effect.
And while no batsman wants to be kept out in the field when there is batting to be done, staring at a mediocre total will never sap the spirits like that of a more substantial one.
It will never win awards for the most imaginative method of playing, but you can only work with what you’ve got, and 60 per cent of their efforts in Brisbane showed what could be achieved.
But as they head south, it won’t be lost on Joe Root that his charges somehow need to locate the other 40 per cent.
Chris Kettlewell
Roar Guru
That's also the amazing thing to me, in all the talk it seems to be really assuming that he won't be charged. The police have passed the case to the prosecutors to determine charges, and the response to that is "he could be available to play soon". Unless some serious money has gone under the table or the ECB know that the prosecutors are more concerned with beating Australia in sport than upholding justice, I don't see how there could be any confidence in this. He was laying into guys on the ground and when he knocked the guy to the ground at the end he was backing away with his hands in the air. I know that high profile sportsmen tend to get away with things that the rest of us wouldn't, but going off that footage, we are talking an offense where most people would get some sort of prison sentence, or at absolute best a fine, good behaviour bond and community service. As a high profile sportsman, I'd be surprised if he gets actual prison time for this, but the idea that nothing comes of it other than missing 2 ODI's and 2 tests and rushing him back into the team with all forgiven at the earliest possibility is just incredible.
13th Man
Guest
If Stokes plays he will cop the most brutal of sprays from the Australian public. What Broad copped last series was nothing compared to what Stokes will get, he'll hardly be able to walk down the street without getting jeered at and to be honest after what he did he deserves it.
13th Man
Guest
Funnily enough that was only the NZ media who have nothing to do with the Ashes. Imagine what happens when he arrives on Australian shores! If he plays in Perth, I'll sure as hell be booing him along with everyone else!
Nudge
Guest
Wow, Neil’s dropped in. He’s been missing for a bit. Wonder why.
OJP
Guest
I think BB was referencing the Bairstow / Bancroft incident in this instance, not the Bristol one.
Adsa
Guest
The slippers could nearly wet themselves laughing discussing the manliest attributes of thumping someone to the ground whilst they back away and cower.
Worlds Biggest
Guest
If Stokes does play in this series it will be a circus, a media frenzy wherever he goes. Not to mention the jaw on field. If a quality Australian player had done something similar, they would be rubbed out for a minimum 6 months. At this point Stokes will miss 4 games all up if he’s back for Perth.
Ouch
Guest
Forgive the rant Alec. That was pre-coffee. I see as soon as Stokes landed in NZ he was accosted by the Oz media. Not only are the ECB losing credibility, they are playing to straight into Australia's hands. CA couldn't have written a better script themselves if they wanted to de-stabilise the English team. It really is amateur stuff
Steve Crockett
Guest
WHEN Stokes plays,the boys will give him an absolute bollocking.Gonna be spicey haha
Rellum
Roar Guru
Just a subtle dig mate :). I do find it interesting that it seems to have seeped into the English Team's mindset that the Aus bowlers aren't that keen to do too much bowling. I bet if you asked the bowlers they want to bowl as much as possible. The only people the English batsmen are going to keep up at night in distress if they bat for long periods of time is the sport scientists.
anon
Roar Pro
Sad reflection on the England team and the English booze culture in general these stories of violence by their cricketers. Really bizarre.
Alec Swann
Expert
Rellum Just reading those quotes in isolation you've got a point. The second of those is the former batsman in me talking. Perhaps should've added 'longer than expected'!
Rellum
Roar Guru
"Mitchell Starc and his fellow seamers don’t want to be brought back for a fourth spell but the required outcome isn’t achieved if the runs scored don’t exaggerate the desired effect. And while no batsman wants to be kept out in the field when there is batting to be done, staring at a mediocre total will never sap the spirits like that of a more substantial one." That sounds to me you think no one wants to be out there at all.
Alec Swann
Expert
Chris If Stokes was a fringe player he'd be nowhere near this tour but as he is one of the main men he will be. I'd bet good money (not that I have that much!) he'll play in this series. If there's no police charge he'll be on the next flight to Australia.
Alec Swann
Expert
Ouch No offence taken with the name slip, I've had that all my life! I agree some of the media coverage over here is a bit on the hypocritical side which is always the way unfortunately. As for the 'storm in a tea cup' reference, I just think it has been an awful lot about next to nothing which was proved by the way the Australians laughed it off. This kind of thing doesn't stay hidden for a month but it certainly all played nicely into the Australians' hands. As for the ECB and their handling of the whole Stokes affair, their approach of sticking fingers in the ears and whistling in the hope everything will go away is all too predictable. They don't seem to grasp the concept of telling the truth straight away which negates to some degree the escalation which is now occurring. It's a story for a while then people move on to the next one. One day they'll learn (don't hold me to that).
Adsa
Guest
Neil is more of a fisty stroke.
JoM
Roar Rookie
Meant Australian media.
JoM
Roar Rookie
And they have now apparently banned Australia from attending any of the England press conferences. Talk about waving a red flag in front of a bull.
Gordo
Guest
I love that the pic on this article is Big Head Cam wearing an 'Alcohol, Think Again' shirt. There's another headbutt for ya!
Chris Kettlewell
Roar Guru
The way they are talking like "if he's not charged then he could be ready to go" is almost assuming that the ECB won't apply any further sanctions to the sort of incident where, even if he somehow manages to avoid criminal charges, should still see a bare minimum 6-12 month suspension. Of course, the ECB haven't said enough to be sure that he won't still get slapped with a big suspension, and they do have some disciplinary committee which I believe is designed to be independent of Stauss and co, so hopefully they make a reasonable decision and don't leave it up to the same people wanting to pick the best side to try and win the Ashes to also determine a penalty, and thus be unwilling to penalise him any more if he can help them compete better in the Ashes.