“The number one rule of Wall Street,” says Matthew McConaughey to Leo DiCaprio in the hit film The Wolf of Wall Street is that “nobody, and I don’t care if you’re Warren Buffet or if you’re Jimmy Buffet. Nobody knows if a stock is going to go up, down, sideways or in freaking circles. Least of all, stockbrokers, right?”
And, unless you’re Donald Trump, there can be no argument.
Tipping in the NRL is like Wall Street. Except there can be a lot of argument. The entire game of rugby league is built on argument. The game is an argument.
This very piece will provoke argument. Hell, there’ll be people priming keyboards as you read this very word that will argue that it won’t create an argument.
But it will.
Because it always has.
And therein lies part of the old girl’s charm. People care. And they’re prepared to argue verily about it.
And thus, for your argumentative pleasure, I give you the 2018 NRL season ladder in exact order from the ground up.
And you may get on with punting now that we’ll whack a September spoon upon the bare buttocks of…
16. Souths
Sorry, Souths. But it’s Souths. Not counting Russell Crowe, the Bunnies have two superstars. But one of them, Greg Inglis, is very old and crooked, and crocked. And the other, Sam Burgess, is but one man, and will spend long minutes of the match not actually ‘playing’.
Important part of rugby league, playing. It’s an under-rated factor in determining a man’s on-field worth, the amount of time he spends off it. And Souths… you can’t like Souths.
You can like the zip-zip man from Queensland, Dane Gagai, he’s been among the Maroons best the last couple Origin series. But around this quality core, there’s… badness. Old men and badness. And their buttocks will know thy spoon.
(AAP Image/Action Photographics, Robb Cox)
15. Dragons
Yep – the Dragons. Second-last. They’ve thrown a couple million at Ben Hunt but who’s he going to throw pill to? Jason Nightingale? The man’s a draught horse. Kurt Mann? He’s a case of Mann’s inhumanity to man-fans. Matt Dufty and Nene Macdonald? Not itching the blue pants pocket of Freddy Fittler.
Do like Gareth Widdop, and their forward pack sports James Graham, Paul Vaughan and Tyson Frizell. And Jack De Bellin. Couple others. But they’re quite a bit light on for stars, the Dragons. Bit light on for everyone.
14. Titans
Steve Renouf says Ash Taylor can be Titans’ Darren Lockyer read a headline on the NRL’s website, proving one thing incontrovertibly: say no to drugs, kids.
Say no to drugs. Steve Renouf? Man – did you see the Pearl run? He was a freaking speed boat, The Pearl. Beautiful mover. Super-fast. And he’s a really good bloke. And if he reads this I hope he doesn’t believe that I actually think he’s on harmful hallucinatory drugs.
And admittedly I didn’t read the damned piece on the NRL’s website. And perhaps our Pearl made a spectacularly convincing case why Ash Taylor is the Titans’ Darren Lockyer outside of the fact they both wear the number six. But I bet he did not, our Pearl. And say no to drugs.
(AAP Image/Dave Hunt)
13. Bulldogs
Des Hasler turfed out Josh Reynolds to bring Kieran Foran to the footy club, then was punted himself. So Dean Pay – who was a cracking back-rower for the Bulldogs and NSW and Australia, really top player – has… Kieran Foran. Who’s… well – bit fractious, isn’t he, Kieran?
They do have Aaron Woods bopping about in blue-and-white, though he’d have stayed at the Tigers if he knew Des was taking off. And… Sam Kasiano’s going to go bananas in Melbourne and not at Canterbury where they’ve lost James Graham, too, and are all going to pot, despite Dean Pay making them run a lot. Bad Dogs.
12. Tigers
Benji? Benji Marshall is the club’s big signing? The man’s 42. Yes, he’s back to mentor the youth, and run backline plays at lumbering pigs. But Benji … Benji was great in 2005. That was Benji Time. That was thirteen years ago. And that’s all she wrote.
(AAP Image/Action Photographics, Renee McKay)
11. Warriors
Ever seen that film Hunt for the Wilderpeople? Kiwi film. Very good. Funny. One scene there’s a guy comes into a cabin and says to himself, “Man those Warriors are useless!” with particular accent on the first syllable – “USEless” – in that excellent Kiwi-ese accent. And that’s about right. You want to like ‘em. But you can’t. Because they’re useless.
10. Knights
Big improvers. But so is most everyone else. And Mitchell Pearce won’t play for them in Origin, and the kid Ponga might get a guernsey with Queensland. And they’re missing a powerhouse front-rower or three, the ones they have are babies. But you do like them, the Knights, because like the meek they’ve had a heck of a time. But they won’t make the eight.
(AAP Image/Darren Pateman)
9. Broncos
I just don’t like ’em.
3_Hats SSTID 2014
Roar Rookie
Oh Yeah? Souths ripped your mob apart only just this week.
TigerMike
Guest
Benji-s 32 you.. Wanna rewrite your article genius
Jack
Guest
‘I just don’t like them’ Oh yes the pinnacle of Roar ‘journalism’
Jonathan Paul
Roar Rookie
As a south's supporter I believe if we win 8 games in 2018 that will be regarded as successful. We just have the weakest 1-17 I have seen in a decade.
The Barry
Roar Guru
Did you mean to reply to me? Seems pretty extreme for a comment about caps lock...?
The Barry
Roar Guru
Gee you’re a sook 3 hats I never called you delusional at all. I think Souths are a chance of making the 8. I actually think they’re in a similar position to the Bulldogs. A lot of question marks over their teams going in. If things click for them they can have successful seasons. If not, they’ll struggle like last season. The problem isn’t what I wrote about Souths it’s that you’re so hyper sensitive any time anyone mentions Souths that you can’t see reason. You’re probably going to see this as some sort of attack on Souths because I haven’t lauded them as potential premiers or an insult because I compared them to the Bulldogs.
Cole
Guest
Hating Manly only makes them better.
Sean
Guest
Sorry mate but the backrow of Ellis, Dwyer and Heinington was lethal back in the day. We are stronger and have depth But still need a rep 2nd rower like a cordner. Im a Tigers man and i think wel finishe 9-12. I think titans and warriors will fight out the spoon.
steveng
Roar Rookie
Baz, Its a fopar of keyboard enthusiasm, has nothing to do with aggression lol
Fred
Guest
Absolutely Rick, the Tigers are underrated this year. We've always been let down by weak forwards, but this is the strongest forward pack we've had since the merger.
Daniel Szabo
Roar Guru
yeah this bloke's kidding himself if he thinks Dragons will run second last. After last year, and considering who they've picked up they should make the 8 comfortably this year. That doesn't mean they will - the Dragons often underachieve but I'd be shocked to see them finish 15th.
Rick
Guest
Can't fault the comments on Benji but the article neglects mention of Josh Reynolds and Russell Packer. Matt Eisenhuth and Alex Twal showed great promise at the end of last year. Backing up Matulino, Packer,Taylor and Lawrence they could be a formidable pack. Nofoaluma, Lolohea, Naiquama and Brooks (plus Reynolds) could be a good group of backs. Also no mention of Cleary as coach. Big oversight methinks. Definitely possibilities for the 8. Sportswriters like political writers never want to chance their arm. They always want to go with what has gone before. What is past isn't necessarily prologue.
steveng
Roar Rookie
Hope not 'the Shafe' lol Judging by what has happened at Redfern in the past 3 years, yours, is a fair comment but, there is nothing wrong with having 'dreams for another year' lol
steveng
Roar Rookie
Spot on '3_Hats SSTID 2014' and I'm not the only one that predicts that Souths will make the 8. This article is just allot of nonsense and the jabberer's are all lining up and having a go, at all of us, diehard Souths fans. With GI 100% fit, with the exceptional Gagai, Sam B, then we have Angus Crichton, Johnston, Walker (who will be the stand out 5/8 this year) then we have our new coach Seibold, who is a proven performer at origin level and an astute tactician will make Souths a more formidable side in 2018 and not the same old same old, like under Madge. The only worries are, the Burgi twins, who this year, have to either put up or be definitely sacked, if Reno could just hang in there for the season and not get injured we should be right up there. All in all, things look good for our Rabbitohs in 2018, much better than the last 2 years under Madge. We are all looking forward to a different effort and enthusiasm from our Bunnies which we haven't seen since 2014! Go the Bunnies! .
Nat
Roar Guru
Can't argue with the Warriors, who knows what's going on there. I prefer to recognise the talent within the Dogs as opposed to the way they were instructed to play last year.
Jeffrey Lebowski
Guest
I agree with a lot of what you have said Matt but the Dragons and Titans I strongly disagree. Unless disaster strikes they will make the 8. No way teams like Sharks, Manly, Warriors, Tigers etc will finish above them. How teams gel and the way coaches play their sides will determine the middle of the pack. The Titans and Dragons will excel in these areas.
Fred
Guest
The Tigers will be premiers this year, and almost certainly next year too.
PAUL
Guest
Who are you? What do you know! just another opinion. like arseholes really everyone has one but yours is far off the mark suggests you just want to cause a stir blind freddy stuff really but please respond at the end of a long season about how right you are and justify how good you are or hide like like the parasite you are.you headline seeking twerp.oh and that’s my opinion!!! For what it’s worth probably not as many $ as yours PAUL Scholes
Greg Ambrose
Guest
Recent to me is the last 2 or 3 years and Blair did much better at the Broncos than The Tigers but my point is still valid. Belmore has been an absolute disaster for just about any player who has signed recently and if I was to list the players who have gone backwards recently in those teams I would be typing until midnight. I forgot the Broncos were on the list to be honest and the Jet has done well like some others at the club. The amount of players at the Dogs and the Warriors who's reputation has diminished in the last few years is amazing and they will be at the wrong end of the table like most above if that trend isn't reversed.
the Shafe
Guest
steveng, save yourself some pain. Souths won't be anywhere near the top 8 in 2018. Shelve the dreams for another year.