Wow. What a marvel of foolishness AFLX is – testament to the stunning fact that even though the AFL run the game, they have very little understanding of their own product.
How else do you explain this putrescent incarnation? Or scheduling the AFLW to play in the summer? Or the constant meddling with rules? Or the disconnect the AFL has with the lifeblood of their product – the fans?
Or any of a number of things which leaves you scratching your head? But for now, let’s stick with what’s going on – AFL excess.
Years ago, the AFL attempted another magnificently misguided pre-season melee called the Lightning Premiership. Obviously, it didn’t last. Younger readers may never have known that it existed. It’s just another AFL fairytale, along with the VFL, the Fitzroy Football Club, and common sense.
Media muppets have often espoused a different version of the game as a means of selling it. To whom, I don’t know, given the AFL continually insist crowds are bigger than ever and they’re pushing into new territories with the grace, care, and concern of a baby elephant thundering through a china shop. But apparently we need this bastardised form – need it like an incurable haemorrhoid.
(Photo by Michael Dodge/Getty Images)
One analogy that’s gone around is that the AFL should have a shorter form of their game, the way cricket has Tests as its premium standard, One-Day Cricket as its short form, and now T20 as its frenetic and extremely small package.
The logic is each shorter form hooks the viewer successively into each longer form (although it’s likelier that, generationally, kids will be conditioned to enjoy T20 for its shortness and constant excitement, and will struggle to engage with anything longer, let along 4.5 days longer – kids’ attention spans aren’t getting longer).
If there’s a worse analogy out there, you would struggle to find it.
Despite cricket having those three forms, the game itself is still the same: you still have the same scoring system, the same modes of dismissal, the same amount of players, the same playing field, and the same principles of the game.
The only thing that really changes is the length of the matches, and how that might impact the maximum amount of overs bowled or batted. The length condenses the longer form (or is at least intended to) into something fast and furious and nonstop.
Apparently, this is the Holy Grail the AFL pursue: an orgasmic nirvana without one single downbeat, because God forbid we have a downbeat. Somebody might change the channel.
So let’s look at the AFLX version of AFL.
• Played on rectangular fields about 110 metres long
• Seven players per team on-field, with three interchange players
• Two 10-minute halves, no time-on
• Team that touches ball last before going out of bounds surrenders possession opponent
• Ten points awarded for goals from outside 40-metre arc
• Kick-ins from all scores
• No marks paid from backward kicks, except in 40m-arc
• Twenty-second shot clock for scoring attempts
Correct me if I’m mistaken, but it seems every fundamental of Australian Rules has been changed. So it’s not Australian rules. It’s … what? Australian fools? It’s like trying to sell tennis as a sport by playing badminton.
Can we claim the AFL are trialling rules? Even if that was the case, can we really get an accurate representation given the context of the game is different – this is as close to basketball as you’ll get, outside of kicking the damn ball.
This is tantamount to scribbling on a piece of paper until you’ve torn through it and scarred the coffee table.
While some might argue it’s good to give the players a run, it’s great to trial new players, it’s nice to see players perform in different roles, all I can say to that is this: bull. I would seriously hate to lose any one of my players to an injury that impacts our regular season in an incarnation of the game that looks like it was designed to appease fans who are on LSD benders.
(Photo by Quinn Rooney/Getty Images)
And yet the commentators were mindlessly zealous. Coaches and players being interviewed were mindlessly zealous. Everybody on our screens was mindlessly zealous. It felt like all we needed was to pan out a little to see if anybody was standing ready with a cattle prod to shock any dissenters.
This game is the latest splash of diarrhoea as icing on the faecal sundae that’s been the AFL pre-season for a while now – a series of glorified practice matches that lack any real urgency or aspiration, little more than a placeholder until the real thing starts.
Even when there was a pre-season competition with a grand final at the end, most clubs refused to take it seriously because the home and away season isn’t about a sprint to some meaningless trophy in the pre-season. It’s about the marathon that it takes to win a flag, and to hell with anything that compromises that pursuit.
Ex-St Kilda coach Grant Thomas once said that the pre-season should be done away with, and we should just jump straight into the season – surprises and all that we won’t have any sort of form-line to gauge our clubs, won’t know anything about our team’s strategies, and will know nothing about new players or how our existing players are faring.
Grant Thomas is right. That would be exciting.
Let’s do away with the rubbish.
Aligee
Guest
No the AFL have finally realised that you can play the Australian game on rectangular grounds and I am guessing Sydney in particular has plenty. Pretty sure the NRL are not laughing considering the state of grassroots RL in Sydney. Perfect for some clubs in Sydney that have had to turn away kids because of Oval shortages.
Bobbo7
Guest
No form of AFL will spread beyond Australia in any serious fashion. There is virtually no interest beyond expats. Before I moved to Australia I had never even heard of Collingwood and I could have named 7 or 8 NRL teams at that time. All the AFLX will do s sink the AFLW
AxeMaster
Roar Rookie
AFL-X is ok but what they should try is say 18 a side on say a bigger oval type ground. Would be much more of a spectacle I think.
AxeMaster
Roar Rookie
The Bad: No Euro' Football clubs will ever allow "AFL Xtinct" to rip up their pristine Football pitches. Games will only ever be played on whatever Rugby grounds are available...if ever.
AxeMaster
Roar Rookie
Finally the AFL has realized the best games are played on a rectangular pitch. The NRL are laughing so hard up here and Triple M's grill team in Sydney couldn't believe how laughable the format was either. I quote..."The AFL are trying so hard to be like the Bashed Bowler League, that it's complete cringeworthy tackiness". "Glowing goal posts, smoke machines and bean bags. It's more like the Barnum & Bailey Circus". This is the reason I don't watch basketball.....too much easy boring scoring.
Dalgety Carrington
Roar Guru
And yet T20 produced Australia's current Test opener. Who would've thunk it?
Philby
Guest
Premature adjudication, man. AFLX is a great product, which will be a huge success after the AFL make a few adjustments.
The_Wookie
Roar Guru
171,000 on a secondary channel isnt bad at all. 82,000 on Fox is well ahead of most AFL preseason ratings.
dave
Guest
Like the drop kick rule and the torpedo rule because at the moment zooper dooper goals are too easy.Commentaters are now declaring zooper specialists, as in guys that can kick a goal from 40 metres. One change i would like is big basketball hoops with a backboard attached to the top of the goal posts.These could be super dooper zooper goals.Plus they should have to use clown shoes instead of normal footy boots. No one is taking this too seriously so why not make it even more of a carnival. Watching a bloke in clown shoes trying to lob kick a football through a basketball hoop for a super dooper zooper would be xtreme.
Aligee
Guest
Syd Jackson.
Art Vandelay
Guest
Excellent idea Bill. The drop kick is sadly missed. It took a bit of skill & timing though.
Onside
Guest
thanks
Aligee
Guest
Just out of interest, since when has the VFL which came before the AFL been uninterested in commercial growth and since when has the VFL not described itself or alternatively not been the real power of the game and keeper of the code.
Bill C
Guest
Ok. Not familiar with that product. Maybe I'm not the target audience.
Cat
Roar Guru
4. It's named after the sponsor ...
Cat
Roar Guru
Sure it is. Still has handballs and kicks, still has tackling, still 4 goal posts, still uses a Sherrin. The essentials are maintained.
Bill C
Guest
Just watched a bit of the Hawthorn - Essendon game, first time I've seen the concept.. Several things that sprung to mind. 1. If they must have a Zooper Dooper goal, at least make it necessary to use a torpedo/spiral/screwy, to score such a hideously named goal. A well executed 'torp' will bring any crowd to life, even one as comatose as the one tonight.. 2. This concept is what the AFLW should be playing. Have all the existing AFL teams involved and watch it go through the roof. 3. Just for fun, make it compulsory for the kick in from full back to be a drop kick. It should be about fun. 4. Did the AFL brainstorm some kindergarten kids when they came up with zooper dooper?
Aligee
Guest
Only by quirks of fate and fantastic marketing by one T.Sherrin have we ended up with a oval shaped ball, had we ended up using a round ball as was used during the early days of the game or in fact any ball of any shape and size they could find our game would resemble Gaelic football. In fact due to the quick easy flow of the game last night i felt like i was watching a game of international rules at times. The GAA has no great desire to spread Gaelic Football which for all intents and purposes is part of Irish culture signifying independence from what it considers English overlords, it is not in business to make money and push its sporting agenda like the AFL is. There is no doubt the game is attractive to watch, combines good kicking and marking skills with plenty of run and tackle but it is not overly enamoured with the tackle which IMO can really dull and dumb a game down. I see no real reason why the game if marketed correctly cant make an indent O/S.
BigAl
Guest
Seeing there were some elements of positivity, and it wasn't absolutely pilloried from pillar to post by one and all, I would say this AFLX thing (todate) was a MASSIVE win for the AFL !
republican
Guest
.........bringing new comers to what exactly? AFLX isn't and will never be the real McCoy. If it ever does gain commercial traction this will be realised quite separately from the indigenous code. Our code doesn't need to appeal to any international audience to survive but the AFL's ego and some of the games supporters desperately seek international affirming it would seem. Why? I would suggest that the AFL have lost their way in respect of being able to identify the established strengths and cultural capital of our footy code and as such, they are unfit to be called custodians of Australian Footy. They are singularly focused on commercial growth and slaves to a multinational television culture.