This year has seen some terrific moments in rugby league, some of them even non-fabricated.
As always, we tabloid journalists covered the game in the only way we know – with awful grammar and hygiene, and sometimes even by attending matches.
To mark another wonderful year of trawling social media for leads, here is our pick of the stories for you – and it’s right on eve of the international season, just to ensure no attention is given where its due.
The grand final
Cooper Cronk took the field with a cracked shoulder in the decider after a week inside the media’s hyperbolic chamber. But the Roosters misled about the injury, thus blindsiding those we are most indebted to – the bookies. We are currently seeking legal advice on suing the lying Roosters for breach of copyright.
The Melbourne Storm
Qualifying for their third decider in a row, while continuing to secure a valuable foothold in Victoria and produce rep stars from paupers, it’s a wonder how the hell were they allowed into the comp. I can only assume their entry was a decision made by a bamboozled judiciary panel for sentimental reasons.
The Immortals announcement
This event was perfectly organised and executed by the NRL, and it was horrific. Without a botched refereeing call or poor crowd to be seen, I was left with nobody to incessantly target on the back page for the following week. It’s like the room was filled with colleagues we were trying to protect.
The Bulldogs’ Mad Monday
Canterbury rocked the game by stripping off in closed premises, brazenly in the path of our carefully-hidden long lens cameras. Frankly, I was shocked to wake to these vile images I’d demanded to be printed. Three days out from finals, it couldn’t have come at a worse time. We should’ve held them back for kick-off.
Andrew Fifita
The Cronulla prop took to a podcast with Josh Dugan to abuse the rugby league media like we were some kind of junior referee. Some were amazed this discussion was on a show about UFC, but not as astonished when Dugan finished the tirade without twisting an ankle. Thankfully their crass outpouring was the last piece of evidence I needed to confirm the Sharks cheated the cap.
Wayne Bennett’s contract
This reached a flashpoint when the players shunned CEO Paul White’s barbecue in favour of Bennett’s, an event Bennett was not invited to by virtue of not being Craig Bellamy or retired. This sensationally revealed there is actually no grill at Wayne’s house – a story we ran on the first six pages. Apparently he instead presented a selection of cold meats, the same thing he trotted out against the Dragons in the first week of playoffs.
Ruan Sims’ Dally M votes
Sims disgraced the long-established practices of the Dally M judging panel by watching an entire half of football.
The phantom flag
A touch judge errantly raised his flag in the Raiders vs Sharks match after it was learned Mr and Mrs Sutton had a son and then another son, and the first son hired the second son and killed rugby league. I still gave Kalyn Ponga three votes though.
Refereeing
The finals series was one of the best-officiated in years. Thankfully there was an embarrassing referee crackdown to proceed it, which I originally demanded and then led the charge against. Todd Greenberg defended the crusade by claiming “if you wanna blame anyone for this crackdown, blame me” – which I did, via multiple anonymous burners on Twitter.
Peter Beattie
The newly instated commissioner brought shame to the game when he mistook a small child in a Barcelona shirt for a Knights fan, which was actually just Paul Kent in his pyjamas.
Origin
The shield returned south of the Tweed after the Blues conjured a shrewd game plan to play against a side without Cameron Smith. It was a masterstroke from coach Brad Fittler, which never could’ve happened without our campaign to sack Laurie Daley.
Dane Eldridge
Expert
Love it, Paul, cheers mate. And apologies for haunting you with Little Paul, which sounds super weird as I type it
Dane Eldridge
Expert
Dutski, you're too kind! The crises have fed me bountifully this year. Kinda makes me appreciated unbalanced journalism. Not good.
Paul
Roar Guru
Loved it Dane, especially the comment about Paul Kent, but I can't get that vision of Paul Kent out of my head now, which is a real crisis for me!
Dutski
Roar Guru
Dane - your best work of the year. Who knew that to see your best work we needed crises?! Well done. Funnier than a walrus in a tutu.
AJ Mithen
Expert
Everywhere... At street level!
Big Daddy
Guest
I am everywhere. Just like the paparazzi.
Dane Eldridge
Expert
BD, have you been watching us through the DT's long lens?
Big Daddy
Guest
Admit it you both go to the same tailor and hairdresser and eat at a Scottish restaurant.
Dane Eldridge
Expert
Bloody dangerous, I reckon
AJ Mithen
Expert
We've got the same outfit on Dane! Yours is funnier though. I reckon if we joined forces we could out-crisis anyone.
Justin Kearney
Roar Rookie
Bloody big bible mate.
Dane Eldridge
Expert
Cheers Justin, much appreciated. The Crises Tidal Wave can power endless pieces, I'm actually expecting it in bible form soon
Justin Kearney
Roar Rookie
Two satire pieces in one day about crises? Poor timing but both excellent!
The Barry
Roar Guru
I love TG too. His knowledge, his passion and his analysis. But undoubtedly the highlight of season 2018 for me has been his ability to weave Rapana’s cags into any conversation. At one stage they were stopping the Raiders making the eight. That’s a lot of pressure to put on any man’s walnuts.
Dane Eldridge
Expert
Too right TB- it was a disgracefully poor year for disgrace. Also can't believe I overlooked the Proctor Squeeze. I love the Gorski and could listen to him talk wheels all day!
The Barry
Roar Guru
It was a pretty tame year when you look at it like that. Amazing how much outrage each of those piddling little events managed to create. You forgot about Kevin Proctor squeezing Jordan Rapana’s wheels. Most of us forgot about that within 30 seconds but Tim Gore has kept the outrage fires stoked all season on that one. It cost the Raiders a spot in the 8.