There’s no footy. Matthew Richardson and Nathan Brown are calling Xbox simulations of AFL fixtures and Brian Taylor’s commentating on traffic.
What better time to seek out some off-kilter and slightly unhinged reasons to watch each club in 2020?
1. Chad Wingard
Because Alastair Clarkson isn’t human but a robotic premiership-winning mastermind – seriously, did you see him running around topless in the snow in Canberra last year? – there are some strange rules at Hawthorn. The first one that most likely popped into your mind is the ‘no long sleeves’ policy. However, Chadley is a smart man and, knowing full well he was heading into the Hawks nest, made his own. With ink. That’s the kind of outside-the-box thinking I respect.
Wingard’s sleeve had such an impact that you can now purchase an official Chad Wingard tattoo sleeve from the club’s merchandise department. I do hope he’s engineered some form of royalty set-up in his contract.
Chad was a two-time All Australian at Port Adelaide and boasted three seasons of 40-plus goals, so coming into the Hawthorn set-up, he had some warranted swagger about him. Unfortunately for the Hawks, in 2019 it took him until Round 20 to really show off his talents. Still just 26 however, Wingard will have plenty more opportunities to reassert himself.
2. Tom Scully
Tom Scully watched Forrest Gump as a youngster and took Forrest’s decision to stop running as a personal affront.
I dare you to google ‘Tom Scully running’. Hell, I’ll do it for you. You’ll find a list from 2017 outlining the most distance covered in a game that season. In 2019 Andrew Gaff apparently held the title with 17.6 kilometres against Adelaide in Round 10. Word on the street says Scully watched that game and giggled a little bit.
Welcome to Scully’s (2017) world:
Nick Robertson dares to make an appearance at No. 6, and Gaff pokes his head in at No. 9, but Tom Scully fills in the rest of the top ten. You can make your arguments about how he doesn’t get enough of the ball, doesn’t kick enough goals and doesn’t bust packs at the rate you want him to. But let’s be honest, Tom will run. And run. And run. And run. And his opponent will try to match him. But he won’t. And Tom will keep running. And running. And running…
3. Tom Mitchell
In 2018 Tom Mitchell had 848 possessions from 24 games. In his entire career Aidan Corr has played for seven years, appeared 83 times for GWS and had 817 possessions. Football is a funny game. Note: this is not a dig at Aidan Corr, it’s just a comparison. Everyone calm down.
Narrowing our focus slightly, in Round 9 of 2017 Mitchell had 50 possessions in a loss to Collingwood and coach Nathan Buckley questioned his impact on the game. This was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad thing to say. As history shows, in Round 1 of 2018 Mitchell had 54 touches – 20 kicks, 34 handbills and 27 contested possessions – breaking the all-time record for most disposals in a game and helping Hawthorn to a 34-point win. Buckley, to his credit, said that Mitchell was too good.
By the way I want Nathan to double-down in 2020 and cast aspersions Tom’s way. Perhaps then we might see a repeat of his state-level antics from 2014.
4. Mitchell Lewis
To the casual onlooker Hawthorn appears to be quite a straitlaced club. After all, Jeff Kennett is the president. Naturally, it pleased me and social media enthusiasts all over the interwebs no end when they took the stone-cold piss and drafted Mitchell Lewis in 2016 with their second selection.
He’s a walking, talking, living, breathing meme. But that’s not all. He made his debut against Brisbane, of all teams, who had ex-Hawthorn legend Luke Hodge in their ranks. If that’s not the most advanced long-term prank ever seen in the AFL, I don’t know what is.
What makes the whole sage even more remarkable is that not only was this man drafted in a year when both Sam Mitchell and Jordan Lewis departed the club, but in 2019 he snared a regular spot in the Hawks 22 and turned out to be half decent at the whole footballing thing. Mind you, he plays golf off scratch, has played second XI district cricket and seems to be annoyingly skilled at anything he turns his hand to.
5. Fashion design 101
Disclaimer: what I’m about to write – and you obviously read – has absolutely nothing to do with Hawthorn in 2020. Or it might. I’m no psychic. Nor am I what you might term ‘fashionable’. What this boils down to is that I couldn’t write about the Hawks without revelling in two of the more staggering crimes against sight this proud club has committed.
Exhibit A: The ‘Power Ranger’ strip. Oddly defended in the media, the club ditched the guernsey at in 2016.
Exhibit B: I could try to be humorous, but just read this. It says all that needs to be said.
There’s a special mention here which goes to a 2000-01 preseason T-shirt style monstrosity, but this escapes with a pardon on the basis that as a club they decided ‘it’s not me, it’s definitely you’ and abandoned the jumper at half-time of a game to change into something different.
David Jenkins
Guest
Reson not to read your post - spelling
The Brazilian
Roar Rookie
Lower reaches of the 8 is, indeed, a finals appearance. Certainties!
Peter the Scribe
Roar Guru
A certainty? No. A possibility maybe in the lower reaches of the eight.
Boo
Guest
Reason not to watch Hawthorn there jumper.
Mr Right
Roar Rookie
In AFL, to attract players that are capable of a 40-50 goal season is a priority. Especially when your club has a deficiency in the key forward area. You always have to way up the draft & the salary cap percentage. Okay the Swans scored Lance Franklin in 2014 kicking 79 goals. But they had to outlay $1.1M per season which was 11% of their salary cap on a 9-year deal to attract him. I can’t see the General winning the Coleman but at $350K I reckon he’s worth the money/risk. It isn't like the Bulldogs paying Tom Boyd $950K per season. People remember Tom for that one great game, but a highly paid players should be starring every week.
Peter the Scribe
Roar Guru
But did they fix Scully? Is he as good as he was?
Samuel Laffy
Roar Guru
O'Meara has really started to show people why he was so highly regarded. Amazing pick-up in hindsight for the Hawks. And as unfortunate as Mitchell's injury was last year, I reckon it fast-tracked Worpel's development. Silver linings right? Their midfield is looking good.
Samuel Laffy
Roar Guru
The Hawks fixed Scully and Jaeger. Surely they can fix Patton!
Monica Di Battista
Roar Rookie
The Hawthorn football club have some great talented depth at the club, a lot better than in previous years. Mitchell won't play at his Brownlow form but clubs will target the midfielder allowing for others in the midfield to rise and grow i.e. Worpel, O'mera
The Brazilian
Roar Rookie
I'd really like to see that. Deserves a change of luck after being injury riddled for so long.
Samuel Laffy
Roar Guru
He's a shoo-in for the Coleman isn't he?
Samuel Laffy
Roar Guru
I've discovered - among other sources - that YouTube has a host of random early 90's games uploaded in their entirety. Brisbane vs. Geelong from 1991 anyone?
cimmy
Roar Rookie
You're kidding me right? Big J Patton in the brown and gold is easily the most exciting thing to happen to the hawks last off season.
The Brazilian
Roar Rookie
Make no mistake . . . the Hawks are a very good side with quality on every line. The naysayers have got them wrong, a certainty to play finals if we get some sort of season.
hayboy
Roar Rookie
Number one reason to watch Hawthorn in 2020: because the season is somehow back up and running again.
Mark Scarfe
Roar Guru
Watching anybody would be welcome.
Samuel Laffy
Roar Guru
I like how the AFL set a new "hard mode" for Titch this year. They worked out 20 minute quarters are too long, so now seeing what he can rack up in 16 minutes. Ol' mate Gil is a cheeky boy.
Van
Guest
Re Mitchell I think by now Bucks will have ditched his old stubbornness but still not sure he’d ever tag him. Especially in a shorter quarter format if that carries on. Hard to say who’s going to come out of the situation well. Preparation and fitness might play a bigger role than ever.