I confess; where the code wars are concerned, I’m a full-on hypocrite. As unseemly, unnecessary and infuriating as they are, I also find them kind of fascinating. Did they really say that? Seriously? Unbelievable — madder ’n’ UFC.
I couldn’t have done it a couple of years back, spend an hour reading online comments dripping with so much passion that it’s scary.
Back then I would have found it too depressing, or I might even have felt like buying into it. Divers! Well that does it; I’ll go nuclear this time. Eggballers!
You see, I’ve had mental health issues in the past over football’s place in this society and, well, a bit of a persecution complex from living in the AFL’s hometown. The wake-up call was the AVO keeping me 500 metres away from Mr Demetriou. I mean, the guy lived across the road. We got a good price so up his.
The cure for me came too late, but what fixed it was the numbers.
The question that had been driving me nuts was this. Why aren’t we getting 300,000 people a week along to the football like the AFL? Weak, I know, but that’s all it took to get the waterworks going.
But that wasn’t sad enough for me. Jeez, I’d ask myself, how good would football be in Australia if the cursed AFL, NRL and cricket and whatever else weren’t standing in its way? That always got me punching walls.
The magistrate sent me to a sports psychologist. She was good. I described to her the cartoon I had running in my head about an AFL-free sporting landscape with the beautiful game filling the vacuum. It was a glorious place.
“Perhaps you’re over-romanticising it? Maybe it wouldn’t be the paradise you’re envisaging? And maybe this place here isn’t as bad as you think.”
I didn’t think so, not with Demetriou stalking me and then making false reports that I was stalking him. The guy’s a creep.
“Let’s test it,” she said. “We’ll run a simulation.”
She knew here stuff. Straight off the top of her head: “The A-League already spends about $25 million a year on players’ salaries. Throw in the AFL’s $135 million, the NRL’s $75 million, cricket’s $40 million, and basketball? How’s 10 million sound, just so we can’t be accused of underestimation later? Throw in another $10 million from swimming and canoeing. So what’s that — maybe $280 million or so a year to spend on good footballers. Off you go.”
“Where?”
“To Europe with 280 million dollars. Say, $200 million pounds. It’s the entire Australian sports budget so spend it wisely. Bring us back a good product because there ain’t nothing else left to watch.”
I spent the lot and returned with the best 30 footballers in the world, all the way down to David Villa, who was as nearly reluctant to come as Totti.
The psychologist spotted it. “Your still eleven teams short of a league.
“You’ll need 350 players, not 30. You’ve got under a million bucks to spend per player per year. Back you go.”
I didn’t go back. I got her point. People would say: “Mate, there’re way better leagues in Europe mate, why do you even bother mate?”
“No Dugald,” she said from behind her notebook, “Your problem isn’t with the lovely Mr Demetrium, your problem is with Coles-Myer, Woolworths and the immigration department. Twenty million Australians haven’t the disposable income to live in your cartoon. You’ll need a couple of hundred million more Australians to keep afloat the league you’ve got in mind.
“Plus, you won’t get seat on the tram to the football so you probably won’t want to go anyway. I mean, even if Kaka’s your marquee man, it’s still only a feeder league. It’s a lot of trouble to go to for a feeder league, standing up on a tram.”
No, she was right. The A-League will do me. As will the other budget sports we’ve got here like footy, cricket and rugby league – they all deliver great bangs for the bucks involved.
What a truly fantastic, wonderful place this Australian sporting landscape is. Where else can you see so many athletes given the opportunity to develop their talents while fat buggers and fools bayonet one another over nothing in particular in the name of their sport? Talk about add value to what is already a pretty entertaining scene.
Good luck to the other codes, all the other sports, and us too.
Jaredsbro
Roar Guru
Wouldn't you want to hurt someone (in the fantastic playground of your mind of course) if they told you you were playing football the wrong way and for that matter the wrong type of football and that you can't call what you play football anymore. These things grate and eventually it's up and arms. It may be an awful truth, but most Australians (or NZers for that matter) don't tolerate any more than they have to of the let's share and make up game introduced when I was going through school! ;)
OzFootballSherrin
Roar Pro
re crunching the numbers - this article http://www.smh.com.au/business/afls-success-in-black-and-white-20110308-1bmk6.html is pretty well instructive on the topic. And to a degree puts Roy Masters back in his box a tad bit.
The_Wookie
Roar Guru
see what you've done there is left out the regionals....
MyLeftFoot
Roar Guru
Speaking of numbers, here are the latest pay tv ratings: Week 9 - Paytv 5 City Metro Top 100 all genre http://www.tvtonight.com.au 1 Live: Cricket: ICC World Cup: Aus V Zim S1 Fox Sports 3 199,000 2 Live: AFL: NAB Cup Pool 6 N Mel V Wb Fox Sports 1 153,000 3 Live: AFL: NAB Cup Qf#1 Melb V Essendon Fox Sports 1 143,000 4 Live: AFL: NAB Cup Pool 6 Gee V Wb Fox Sports 1 141,000 5 Live: Super Rugby: Waratahs V Reds Fox Sports 1 141,000 6 Live: AFL: NAB Cup Pool 6 Gee V N Mel Fox Sports 1 115,000 7 Live: Super Rugby: Reds V Force Fox Sports 3 115,000 8 Live: Super Rugby: Rebels V Brumbies Fox Sports 1 93,000 9 Live: Cricket: ICC World Cup: Aus V Nz Fox Sports 2 93,000 10 Live: Cricket: ICC World Cup: Pre Match Fox Sports 3 80,000 11 Live: Cricket: ICC World Cup: Aus V Zim S2 Fox Sports 3 70,000 12 Matilda Disney Channel 65,000 13 Live: Football: A-League Finals Week 2 Fox Sports 2 58,000 14 Live: Cricket: ICC World Cup: Kenya V Nz Fox Sports 2 55,000 15 Live: Football: A-League Post Game Show Fox Sports 2 50,000 16 Tinker Bell And The Lost Treasure Disney Channel 50,000 17 Live: Cricket: ICC World Cup: Sri V Pak Fox Sports 3 49,000 18 Live: Super Rugby: Pre Game Show Fox Sports 1 49,000 19 Live: Cricket: ICC World Cup: Rsa V Wi Fox Sports 3 46,000 20 Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets Fmc – Family Movie Channel 46,000 21 Live: Cricket: ICC World Cup: Eng V Ned Fox Sports 3 45,000 22 Live: Super Rugby: Post Game Show Fox Sports 3 45,000 23 Live: Football: A-League Finals Week 1 Gc V Melb V Fox Sports 2 45,000 24 Rugby Union: S14 Reds V Waratahs Fox Sports 1 45,000 25 Cricket: Filler Fox Sports 1 43,000
Wilbur Poster
Guest
Watched it and now I've got diarrhea and a headache and having flashbacks. The boss has just called a taxi to take me home. Very disappointed, midfielder. You set me up.
Midfielder
Guest
Have a look Wibur re the LSD thing ... (send up of an 80's song) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZaiB9jYCxI
Wilbur Poster
Guest
Wow this sounds like someone’s been taking LSD ...
Jaredsbro
Roar Guru
Wow this sounds like someone's been taking LSD. And I mean that only in all the potential (tho I still disagree with taking drugs unless I can't do without them, of course) creativity which comes from breaking down your mind's inhibitions. However, as has been said plenty of times before...certain quarters aren't just espousing code wars rhetoric simply because it gets newspapers bought. Maybe it does that...but another code is all too often a threat to people's way of life. It's why I quite often liken the code wars (well starting a few weeks ago lol) to a civil war...something like the American or English Civil Wars, which is an ideological process in the formation of morals about what is the right approach to filling your life and spending disposable income on and what is the wrong way! Civil wars happen, because few people are ever really pluralistic...even if their country (the USA being the prime example) and its founding members were enlightened enough to be pluralistic in their own time. Now there's other issues as well around industrialisation and general resentment between different centres of power and the rise of some and the fall of some in an economic sense, too. Southerners are usually right in that the code wars is a Sydney-centric thing, but as economies and ideologies have changed since the ball got rolling with the Swans...so too is the code wars becoming both a fascination and a fixation (and sometimes a conflabation) of certain vested interests. But instead of seeing them as bad or even a necessary evil, the code wars for mine should be seen as a paragon of the debate about where Australia's future is headed.
Wilbur Poster
Guest
If the A-League ever raked in hundreds of millions of dollars in merchandising sales from other countries, my auntie would be my uncle. Still, it's probably worth a try. How much money will we need to invest in HAL to convince millions of Europeans and Asians to throw away all that New York Cosmos gear they bought and replace it with HAL merchandise? And will it bother them at the POS that A-League club's goes up in puffs of smoke every second year? It's a fanciful idea but stick with it anyway. Blind optimism is increasingly hard to come by these days.
Ben G
Guest
There is one part of the equation you did not include. Much of the EPL (as an obvious example) is generated from merchandise sales, tv deals etc that all live outside of England. How many Australians do you see walking around in ManU and Chelsea shirts? I see them all the time. That's a part of the reason that they can punch even more above their weight. If the A-League was raking in hundreds of millions in merchandising sales from other countries, the player payments would increase exponentially.
Dugald Massey
Roar Guru
Top contribution, OFS. There has to be post-doctoral thesis in there somewhere on Tommy Wills' winter game saving us from redneckism. As they say, as the twig is bent so shall the tree grow. It's not such a long bow to draw, that it was either eggball or banjos, pick-up trucks and premature deaths from gunshot wounds. I liked footy before but I like it a whole lot more now.
Moonface
Roar Guru
Please provide the source.
Redb
Roar Guru
haha gold. Good article.
Koops
Roar Rookie
Karma is a beautiful thing.
Australian Football
Roar Guru
You are wrong----check the Avatar again "Beaver Fever" has spotted your mistake. No worries tho, I support Rugby as do our international flag ship does "Qantas supports Australian Football" (Lindommer we know which ones don't we)..
Lindommer
Guest
Good to see an AFL supporter acknowledge another code's point of view. I was in Melbourne a fortnight ago for a wine trade expo, so thought I'd have a look-in at the new Melbourne Rebels' first match. Wonderful to see so many Melburnians proudly wearing Rebels gear. On chatting to some of them in the following few days I found them to be AFL supporters first, but they eagerly anticipated the entertainment the Rebels offered. And this new competition with Kiwis and Saffers was something they were looking forward to.
John
Guest
You really are a dribbler
Realfootball
Guest
As Billy Connolly once said: "F... 'em if they can't take a joke.
MyLeftFoot
Roar Guru
I've just looked up that the average K-league salary is A$2,400 per week, or about A$125,000 per annum. The AFL average salary is almost double that.
Australian Football
Roar Guru
Dugald Massey----loved it, you write similar to Phil Osopher---another quirky writer who turns up when you least expect him to.